One Step Back

[everyadventure]

We toss apologies
back
and forth
like a water balloon

“I’m sorry.”
Words sail softly
across the gap.
He catches my regret,
cradles it gently.
We each take one step
back

His turn
“Forgive me.”
Smooth glide
an easy catch
for my outstretched hands
Together we step
back

“I didn’t mean to.”
My words fall short.
He lunges
dives
saves!
But still we move
back

“I couldn’t help it!”
Launched with a shout
Underhanded force
It smacks me
Explodes!

Hostile glares
across the expanse
Game over.

[hillwalker]

Clever use of interchange - and a brilliant metaphor. Of course, we all know guys are better at the hand-to-eye coordination necessary for any sports involving balls.

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

Lots of nimble energy throughout this but to appreciate it fully I had to let go of my disappointment at the image of the water balloon, which had no distinction or vitality to me.

[Delta40]

I think if the water balloon was only half filled, then if works much better for me, especially as they lunge to catch something that bulges in different ways according to the pressure they apply....

[Hawkman]

I think this is both clever, witty and definately well written. It works for me. Nice one.

H

[Jerrybaldy]

Nice work adventure. I am now pigeonholeing you as the mistress of relationship poetry but I have no doubt you will break out and I probably speak for all, when I say you are a very welcome new voice to this collective of wordsmiths.

I love your use of dialogue. It is surprisingly rare here.

[blank|verse]

I think the simile of the balloon works quite nicely, ea.

Perhaps the poem could have moved on somehow, as, nice as the image is, it does get stretched (literally, I suppose) to breaking point. Once the reader understands an image, you need to give them something else to think about, I would say. Still, nice and visual.