Night

[Jerrybaldy]

The black sky
and those little bright
holes in the night,
that whisper to the watcher
'you will never see the light'.

[Delta40]

ouch! nice little whisper of a painful truth for those that believe it.

Short and to the point Jerry.

[Alexander III]

Short but strong. A well crafted ending.

Though if I may, I think the first lien is the weakest of the poem. The subsequent three a powerful, the first lien lacks that vividness and emotional impact of the other three. It is too simple to mundane. Rather find a new way of saying "black sky"

Of the top of my head "The still and black river"

Though that is just something I threw out there

[Jerrybaldy]

Thanks Delta.
You are right Alexander and I have changed. thanks

[YesNo]

Nice ending with good rhyme to tie this together.