to meet in a dream;

[paperleaves]

please-
one last cup of tea
before you leave me,
we'll talk about all the things we did
in our past lives,
no, the sun is coming up,
I have more to share,
I have more to share, like
how I remember those nights at the rail station
puffing on hot cigarettes, plumes of
colloidal tar
wafting through the night air,
and my cold hands wrapt about
my ticket, promising
to leave it all and start fresh.

and then I would think of my mother,
her soft brown curls in the autumn breeze,
wiping tears from her neck as she would worry
if I'd have clean socks
and a hot meal
wherever the hell it was
that I disappeared to.
I was going to find you.

and I'd think about my baby sister,
alone in her bed, reading comic books,
heroic fairytales of men
who will never exist.
what would they do if I left it all behind?
what would I escape?
I would escape
only to notice that I'd be missing
all I left to find.

so for now I'll just have to meet you
in the corners of my dreams
between the things that really matter
and the moments in between
and we can sit by imaginary fires,
and eat imaginary vegan soup,
and make imaginary love
on Sunday mornings in the garden.

for so long, I've derived all of my happiness
from reality
but sometimes I like
to get lost in my head.

[everyadventure]

I can feel the desperation and longing behind these lines, especially "I have more to share / I have more to share." What woman hasn't thought that as a man turns away from her?

I find the phrase "I would escape / only to notice that I'd be missing /
all I left to find" interesting. Mature of the speaker to recognize the value and safety to be found in home and family... but what might she discover if she decided to leave? Romance, adventure, independence? Perhaps heartache, tragedy, isolation. I guess she (and we) will never know...

A challenge, if you're so inclined: have her take the train. My curiosity about what might await her begs to be satisfied. Don't rewrite this one, it's lovely as is and should so remain. But what can I say, I'm a fan of alternate endings :)
Thanks for sharing.

[paperleaves]

:) Thank you so much for your comments! I would love to write a sequel...

[hillwalker]

I assumed the train had indeed already been taken - and that she had carried her fond memories with her as a comforter.

Some wonderful phrases here - 'plumes of / collodial tar' actually made my eyes water just thinking about them.

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

The corners of your dreams and those aching last four lines: so vivid, so inescapable...

[Delta40]

I like the pressure of time with the repeat line 'I have more to share' It reminded me of the transition between breaking away from family, the comfort and security of all that we know to journey toward something we crave without really being sure how independence will shape itself.

great writing!

[Hawkman]

Hi paper,

Have you been watching old, black & white British movies? This one had me instantly transported to memories of "Brief Encounter," redolent with the conflict of the need to escape into a romantic alternative future and the nagging sense of duty to an on-going domestic reality. The conclusion of the poem seems to have come to a similar resolution to that of the film.

I too think the poem is well written but I would suggest revisiting the punctuation around the repeated phrase, as I'm not convinced by the use of just a comma. But this is, of course, a subjective response.

Nice to see you back.

Live and be well - H

[blank|verse]

Very nice, paperleaves; you create and maintain a rather plangent tone throughout the poem.

Like others, I enjoyed the repeated line in the first stanza, which expresses the narrator's pleading desperation. I can see how this has been echoed through the poem; it might have been worth making these lines more obvious.

There are also some nicely observed touches, like this one:

and my cold hands wrapt about
my ticket,

I'm not so keen on 'colloidal tar', there's something nastily industrial or scientific about the phrase which seems a bit out of place here; and putting it on a separate line only exaggerates this.

I found the poem's title, and the similar line in the poem, a bit 'yucky' (to borrow a phrase used by hillwalker recently - a bit sentimental); and I think the last stanza is unnecessary. You've shown us the 'moral' of this stanza effectively enough not to have to tell the reader so directly.

But each stanza is effective in introducing new aspects, and, as Hawk says, it has a very 'filmic' quality. Nice stuff. :)

[Buh4Bee]

You kept me reading! I always like your made up world and the heart you place into your reality. You write about what matters!