I am losing my marble?

[zoolane]

I Am Losing My Marble.

The phone kept ringing, my hand reaching for the receiver but suddenly it stops. This happens only at night, it starts soon as my head hit the pillow. It like someone is watching me and it I could go to bed early or late but it still rings. I have not had property night sleep in months; I am tearing people heads off at work, and on my final warning before the wave goodbye. I have just unplug the cable so no more calls for me and peaceful night sleep I am going to get.

I decide to have nice rad ox stress relieving bath, gently easing myself into hot bubbling tub and just going practice some techniques that I learned ages ago, to clear my head of recent events. I thought my front door being open but it can’t be. I double lock it. Strong breeze past over my arms which made me have goose bumps. Now reaching over for my of bath rope, it was not on the chair were I had left it and so grab the cream bath sheet off the stand. My semi naked skin starting to shiver from cool air. My feet are tried to be quiet on the thread bare green carpet and my hand is feeling very lump which I had left on the wall. I get to the door, its wide open with key sitting it the lock but it not mine. So who is it?

I headed for the umbrella stand which has a golfing umbrella in; I found it on the tube. I sneaking in to my bedroom where bizarrely. I find my clothes lay out on the bed, and then I see my best make up next to it. I put everything back in its rightful place again and go back to bath. I enter my favourite room, I saw the water had gone and plug on the side. I gave up on that idea. Got PJ'S on and made my tea, cheese on toast with mug of hot chocolate and watch television. Must have doze off because when my eyes open the radio is on and television was off. I am starting to think I am losing my memory. I swear blind that I was watch ITV3.



Their is more to come yet.

[Sionn Harrow]

This is a very intrigueing piece of work, but there are a lot of grammar and spelling issues. You may want to re-read it, or have someone go through and edit it for you ;)

[zoolane]

This is a very intrigueing piece of work, but there are a lot of grammar and spelling issues. You may want to re-read it, or have someone go through and edit it for you ;)

Thank you I can doing editing to point but I have writing anything for week so bit out practise.

[Sionn Harrow]

I could go through it for you...it's not that long...

[zoolane]

If you want to.

[zoolane]

The alarm goes off with Radio four blasts out but it normal it’s on Capital FM. Weird because I checked it last night and it was on Capital. So now hell did it change to Radio four? There is chill in my bedroom. The rest of flat seem to be warm. Just out of my view, I think can see an object but I turn to see. It faded glowing type shape in front of my door. What hell is going on in my flat or is it me going insane? Just like my……….

I have just lost my job because apparently I had been acting in odd manner at the staff meeting. I was listening while under table, counting my pens. I was checking work mates’ shoes, to see if their where clean. What strange about that I ask you? It only for half the meeting which lasted for hour. Only done it twice before. On way home, I got tube and end up that last station. Now is that impossible I never fall sleep on public transport but I must admit my eyes doing fell heavy.
I finally make it home. The sitting room as being re arrange. The sofa and chairs are in the wrong place. On the table there my mug of tea which left this morning. My slippers are there I left them to. I had beans on toast for tea with my hot chocolate but eight pm. I came home at six ‘o’ clock, what I have done in last two hours? My sitting room furniture is back in normal place. I wonder where put them tablets the hospital gave me.

[everyadventure]

This is an original idea and I'm interested to see where it leads. It's a subtle horror story... isn't losing our minds, our truest selves, what we all fear most?

The syntax of the second part reads much more cleanly, go ahead and let Sionn edit the first part and readers will be able to focus more on the story line and style rather than grammar.

Keep writing, you can't leave us hanging on this one! :)

[MystyrMystyry]

This is great Zoolane - I can't wait to find where it's going to lead

It's like you (or the character) are lost somewhere between a dream and waking, and the demon of sleep is trying to drag you back - and at the same time it's as though there may be two separate worlds and you keep getting mixed up in someone else's (and perhaps they yours)

I'm really enjoying this, and I think I'm going to enjoy it all the way through

[hillwalker]

You do a great job of drip-feeding the reader with details that slowly build up into something more sinister than the rather cliche-ed 'poltergeist story' one expects from the start.

Is there some obsessive compulsive disorder at work, a symptom of a more serious mental condition? That final line suggests the writer is on medication..... what next?

H

[zoolane]

This is an original idea and I'm interested to see where it leads. It's a subtle horror story... isn't losing our minds, our truest selves, what we all fear most?

The syntax of the second part reads much more cleanly, go ahead and let Sionn edit the first part and readers will be able to focus more on the story line and style rather than grammar.

Keep writing, you can't leave us hanging on this one! :)

It true. That sometime people fear most is losing the mind. If Sionn want to edit she more welcome to do so. I will not be offend by it.




This is great Zoolane - I can't wait to find where it's going to lead

It's like you (or the character) are lost somewhere between a dream and waking, and the demon of sleep is trying to drag you back - and at the same time it's as though there may be two separate worlds and you keep getting mixed up in someone else's (and perhaps they yours)

I'm really enjoying this, and I think I'm going to enjoy it all the way through
Thank you for comment and I glad you like the story so far.


You do a great job of drip-feeding the reader with details that slowly build up into something more sinister than the rather cliche-ed 'poltergeist story' one expects from the start.

Is there some obsessive compulsive disorder at work, a symptom of a more serious mental condition? That final line suggests the writer is on medication..... what next?

H

Well I did think it could be subtle horror story but then some time better to have two elements in a story. So the writer can chose which way to go.

[zoolane]

Tomorrow is importance day I am sure it is, what is it? I must check the calendar. Of I trot to the kitchen. Next to the window is the calendar but it should be next to fridge where is note board is. Oh it my best friend wedding but their word in the merge begins have N or H. That object is still float with the white glow in my room. Now I must get my favourite dress and stuff ready for the special day my wedding. It’s going to quiet ceremony in tower hall with few people from the street. Finally my best friend’s day has arrived.

On the bus. With my bunch of flowers for my special day. I think people are admiring my dress and everyone whispers, points at now lovely I look. I am here at the tower hall just the nick of time, I walking up the steps with pure white gown on, search for my love. I must late, the room spinning but wait I see him. He on the landing near the top of stairs and waving to me. I barge pass everyone with the white glow which follow me here.

My eyes are sticking with green stuff, how long have being sleep for? Why I am in a room with padded of the wall and hospital band of my wrist?

[Delta40]

I love your mystery writes Zoo. And to be perfectly honest, they are compelling more so due to your unique writing style. I feel like I have been on such a journey when I read your stuff. If other people are kind enough to edit your work, be mindful that your voice is not lost in the process.

[zoolane]

I love your mystery writes Zoo. And to be perfectly honest, they are compelling more so due to your unique writing style. I feel like I have been on such a journey when I read your stuff. If other people are kind enough to edit your work, be mindful that your voice is not lost in the process.

Thank you for your comment and I do agree about the edited part. Sometime a peice can change it context or purpose of it.

[zoolane]

Today is good I think. They let me out of my room, the room with flat pillows on the wall. I am not sure what purpose is of the pillows but I am out. Before they let me into big room with normal people are. A lady came in. She was wearing suit but it mine suit that was in my wardrobe. She stole it from me and broke in my flat. Small voice is whispering in my ear, in form of my best friend who sitting on my shoulder.

"Hello, my name Vanessa. You must Dana?" Her voice is harsh. She reminds me of a head teacher from primary school.

I sort nodded it "Yes, Why I am here? I was attending my best friend’s big day". As I gather my knees to my chest and started rocking gentle.

"Dana, have you been taking any medications or resting? Like we agree few months ago?" She whines at me.

"I did take tablets and plan I did follow it I promise which you gave me" I squeak. As my best friend shout down my ear again "liar, liar you set it on fire the in sink and tablets you wash down toilet".

"You here to have rest from the outside like holiday if you like". Her harsh voice which she tries to make it sound more human but did not work. She spoke for hour, laid out the rules of big room and activities. I agree to bride by them and take tablets again.

[hillwalker]

Not sure if the story ends here or whether we are going to witness her recovery.
Personally I prefer to be left wondering what may or may not happen so perhaps we do not need to be told so much.... in which case I would have left out the final 2 sentences and instead focussed on the thoughts flushing through Dana's mind. Those are my clothes - do I attack her to get them back or not?

H

[zoolane]

Not sure if the story ends here or whether we are going to witness her recovery.
Personally I prefer to be left wondering what may or may not happen so perhaps we do not need to be told so much.... in which case I would have left out the final 2 sentences and instead focussed on the thoughts flushing through Dana's mind. Those are my clothes - do I attack her to get them back or not?

H

I do agree that maybe should of be ending that previous part but then I though to there few unanswer questions. So to point recovery will be writing but hopeful twist will be here to.

[hillwalker]

Good - will look forward to reading more.... though unanswered questions are fine by me.

H

[Delta40]

Wow for a moment there on the third instalment when people were looking at her I thought she might be a ghost and not have realised it yet but think she is being haunted and missing chunks from a life she no longer has. Whatever the direction of the story, it's rather interesting.

[zoolane]

I think it about two in the afternoon, the ordinary people were in own clothes but were mine? They came in with these trolleys full stuff it look like food; I know it not safe so I decline the offer. I got give these pink circle sweets my hand and water. I took them without the poison liquid. I notice that person was watching me.

Object on my shoulder spoke in her low, mocking tone “be careful their come for you that night”.

The floor is off green colour the sun reflection of it and my eyes are hurting really bad, it like the
time that tries to cut them with razor blade one summer. Well I am OK now that was in my teens. One man is sitting in front of the radio change station very few minutes, his hair is light brown and he wear a nightie which pink and combat trousers apparent he was solider in the world war three which happen. Even if anyone wants believe in or not, I know of fact it happen. I feel tired, I slope to my new bed which next to bathroom and window.

It’s dark when I arise from the uncomfortable sleep. I had of nightmares of fire and that Vanessa women come toward me with needle. I crept round the open space, watching for weird shapes of floor or walls. I am search for my stuff through their items but where mine gone? I come across lighter hide within someone’s sole of a shoe. That who stolen it from me.

[zoolane]

I can see a pair of trousers, just what I need right now. I quick put them on with my lighter in my hand. “I wonder what that pretty women could have in her cabin” as he strokes the end of bed that young girl sleeping. He crept up like slug slither to the door, pull it open and spying shining necklace.

The deep voice whispers “I will keep this for her”. As lighter is getting hard for flame to stay light but is slow put him in trance. Bang came from the other side of the room so I walked back to bed. The sun is beam at me, it other day in the resting, relax holiday home.

Not sure why wear trousers or why I have necklace in my pocket. I changed in to suppose my own tracksuit which someone brings from my flat; it not really mines because I have better taste then this. Again this nurse, who wolf in sheep clothes give me then pink sweets. When the wolf not looking I take one and put one in my pocket only because of them. I lounge about the breakfast table I choose to have some toast today with cold tea. They would not give me my hot chocolate. Vanessa came to me while I am ate my toast and gentle inform that we have meeting about my time in her camp.

[zoolane]

Edit all the bits later to day. I know their mistaken thankyou.

[zoolane]

It is time for the chat with the thief; I do not want them to come to. I will block their voices. The room is white just all the walls in this place, there bookcase with lots of books on but none I would read. Vanessa came in with orange with red sticker in the corner of the folder in her hand, wear jeans, blouse, sparkle silver bracelet which pretty.

She placed one chair next to sofa, where she smile at me today seem softer than before “Please come in, Dana come and sit on this nice cosy sofa?”

I slow walked toward it with doubts of the previous nightmare. White glow is here to. I sit on my hands nervously in the middle.

“Have you spoken to your father or John recently?” Harsh tone in her voice is starting to come back.
I shook my head with fear and horror began to run through soul, remembering the terrify events. I think a voice is called me from somewhere. Meeting with this folk doctor. Is going on forever.
.

[zoolane]

"Dana, now would you feel about have some Paul McKenna treatment? With great for you and help me understand what trigger the relapse". Her voice sails across in my direction with her eyese glaze over.

I sitting here thinking about all stuff what happens as child but do I really want open that can of worms. I pretty sure those worms will labyrinth their self in my life but what havoc will be come of this.

Vanessa persuade me well blackmail to point of suggest it is only way I would get out. I heard about hour later that she want me to have the treatment for case study so my treat as guinea. I decide to have a walking in garden. I found a bench in middle of garden. I wear different trousers again. "Right I think that that witch need sort out. I need fag". Flicking the lighter with juvenile deep scream fiddling with the silver bracelet.
He paces up and down. There man on other side of garden with cig. The young youth march and snatch them of fragile look person.
"I will have these, you don't mind mate". He stare that him menacing.

.