something i wrote

[injunuity]

hey folks, please ..
analyze, criticize, interpret, comment, appraize, assess, review, evaluate, suggest, scrutenize, compliment, examine, compare, comment, anything.

tell me what you think.
thanks in advance for any insite or opinions.

here is something i wrote & titled.



to get here, but without that last e.

whether i'm tied up
or tied down
i try to look anywhere but the ground
& even the sky only tells me the weather
but who needs all the answers
when we're all tied up in this together.

[XQZ]

The main body of the work was thoroughly ordinary

By far the most interesting thing about your post were the words:

"analyze, criticize, interpret, comment, appraize, assess, review, evaluate, suggest, scrutenize, compliment, examine, compare, comment, anything"

Now THAT is poetry

[MystyrMystyry]

I didn't think it was too bad, though the last line - or at least the precise way it was written - could have been stronger to get away from the 'ship of fools' influence (and not necessarily the rhyme)

Something like 'We are all of us tied up in this, me, you, and everyone together' or easily better than that - I'm just going on what's in front of me

And then as a stanza for something longer it would work well, due to the fact that of itself it's meaning is disjointed

That line isn't really there for any reason other than to rhyme and seem to sound clever, is it?

[injunuity]

That line isn't really there for any reason other than to rhyme and seem to sound clever, is it?

are you talking about the last line here?

[Delta40]

Take out the last line and pop it in the poetry section. you'll get alot more feedback and support there.