The Necessity Of Water

[hillwalker]

THE NECESSITY OF WATER

I am a tiny crab
turned inside out,
my shell-bound pancreas
surrounded by crustacean flesh
pale virgin pink.

I am a mottled mermaid
hauled ashore
to dehydrate upon the strand,
betrayed by blood,
too torn to trawl against the tide.

I am a starfish
barnacled to rock
who glowers heavenwards
and ponders
the necessity of water.

H

[everyadventure]

Absolute. Perfection.

Pancreas... trawls... glowers... perfect all.

Delightful alliteration.

[hillwalker]

Thanks so much - glad you discovered something during your beach-combing to treasure.

H

[Jerrybaldy]

TBH Hill I read this earlier and I was blown away ( on a sea breeze) by the poetry of it (You will find this quote on s hit comments.com by people who cant comment to save their life). I was hanging on for some smartarse to come along and decipher it, but that hasnt happened and I am at a loss but I truely love it none the less. It has class written all over the beach.
cheers
Jerry

[Delta40]

I like the glowers heavenward. Reminds me so much of why I like going to the beach to swim.

[jocky]

THE NECESSITY OF WATER

I am a tiny crab
turned inside out,
my shell-bound pancreas
surrounded by crustacean flesh
pale virgin pink.

I am a mottled mermaid
hauled ashore
to dehydrate upon the strand,
betrayed by blood,
too torn to trawl against the tide.

I am a starfish


barnacled to rock
who glowers heavenwards
and ponders
the necessity of water.

H

Good poem which reflects the complexity and multi-layered qualities of Aqua Vita. I still prefer it in my Glenmorangie, in small quantities you understand. :)

[qimissung]

God, I love it! It is perfection.

[Haunted]

The last line / title is such an understatement. It's great poetry Hill.

[hillwalker]

Thanks all for reading - @Delta, @Jocky, @qim and @Haunted - your comments are heart-warming.

And @jerry - as usual your suspicions are right. This has finished up as a poem reflecting on what might happen if the seas were to dry up - but how it came to be this I have no idea.
I was challenged by a friend's teenaged daughter (who has juvenile diabetes) to write her a poem about her condition without making it "yucky" and here it is.....

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

I was cruising along the first 2 2/3 of this content with your characteristically vivid, virtually tangible imagery when I felt I was hit in the face by the philosophical implications of the final line/title.

The necessity of water... Yes! And the necessity of breath, and of thought, sensation, consciousness; the necessity, one might say after this poem, of being confounded now and then by what is!

[hillwalker]

Thanks @Prince for appreciating the connundrum that led me to choosing the closing line as the title.

H

[yuka]

I love starfishes
A delicate, great piece

[blank|verse]

I was struggling with this one before the explanation, I have to say.

I had a hard time visualizing the inside-out crab (where do the pincers go? :)) and working out why the narrator was all these things, including, of course, one that is fictional.

I'm not sure someone (or thing) 'glowering' is in a mood to 'ponder', those two actions seem rather distant from each other; but I take the suggestion of a 'star' looking at a star (although the latter doesn't contain much water, last time I heard :)).

I think you've been successful in not being 'yucky' but perhaps at the expense of a bit of clarity. Still, there's one person who this poem will matter to more than anyone else, hill, so I hope it's appreciated.

[hoope]

Wonderful.. and so perfect..
Nice poem, with a nice purpose behind it :)

Good touch Hillwalker!

[hillwalker]

@yuka and @hoope - thanks for showing your appreciation.

@b|v - you have probably realised by now that I generally don't write joined-up poetry, so there will be gaps where interpretation demands a degree of imagination and less focus on the finer details.
The jumping off point was acknowledging the similarities between human blood and seawater - the indispensibility of both where life is concerned.
The inside out crab - a clumsy metaphor to contrast those of us who are 'safe' inside our armour-plated bodies and those who are constantly at risk through an unrepairable medical condition.
The mermaid, as well as providing the image of a young woman out of her element, was meant to suggest what happens when one is betrayed by ones very lifeblood.
The starfish longs to be a star, but reluctantly concedes that without adhering to its rock and accepting seawater as its only element it would shrivel and die.
Mixed metaphors perhaps and jumbled thinking, but she thought the poem was 'cool' which is a good enough crit for me. Thanks for your feedback as always - sometimes I don't take the time to really analyse what I have written until its had its bv-test.

H

[qimissung]

How is it a mixed metaphor?

[drago]

I feel as if, for the most part, your poems are thoughts instead of sentences. They usually require me to read them two or three times as I find myself ignorantly rushing through the first trial. I especially like how no matter how many poems of yours I gorge myself on, I am no closer to you as a person. Only you as a poet. Giving your poems a somewhat relative dream-like quality that the reader tends to be lost in. Even with this one, I felt the familiar drowsiness of being submerged - deaf and mute. And while each one appears highly personal and self-invested - I can not confidently assume your position on them.
On the poem itself, I found it to be a bit erotic (If I may say so).
Your choice in the adjective 'mottled' evokes an image of a sea-molested female, washed mercilessly upshore. Of course, molested in a less sexual sense. There were quite a few more instances that I found it to be a slightly sensual poem. Of course, victimized. But I thoroughly enjoyed it and it did require thinking. Thank you.



I am a starfish
barnacled to rock
who glowers heavenwards
and ponders
the necessity of water.



This, I found, exceptional.

[hillwalker]

How is it a mixed metaphor?

Apologies @qim - it was the mix of metaphors I was conscious of.

And @Sarah - I'm pleased to see you 'gorge' yourself on my poems enough to become drowsy (presumably with raptures of delight rather than through boredom!).

There is some undercurrent of eroticism in much of what I write - not always intentional. In this instance the 'flesh / pale virgin pink' and 'mermaid / hauled ashore' have perhaps a sexual undertone; the young maiden ravished as you say by her condition, and 'betrayed by blood'.

You question how much of me is revealed in the poetry I write - probably everything of me as a writer is laid open for scrutiny, but very little of me as a person. Is that not the case with most who write?

Thanks so much for your comments.

H

[drago]

You question how much of me is revealed in the poetry I write - probably everything of me as a writer is laid open for scrutiny, but very little of me as a person. Is that not the case with most who write?



I do suppose this is why I consider myself more a strange flux of emotion over a writer. I'm a sucker for vulnerability - especially my own. So in this, I cannot relate.

[hillwalker]

Are you saying you are afraid of revealing your vulnerability through your writing - or feel you always do so involuntarily, so cannot relate to those who write 'in disguise'? We often reveal more of ourselves through the masks we choose to wear than in exposing our frailities.

H :-)

[drago]

Are you saying you are afraid of revealing your vulnerability through your writing - or feel you always do so involuntarily, so cannot relate to those who write 'in disguise'? We often reveal more of ourselves through the masks we choose to wear than in exposing our frailities.

H :-)

I am not sure if I am understanding you! I thought you previously implied that you wrote not from your own personal standpoint, causing me to feel that you held little interpersonal attachment to your works!

And I believe that the only thing I cant truly write on is what I know.

[hillwalker]

Everything I write is from my own personal standpoint - but a good deal of it is imagined rather like an actor playing a part I suppose. It would be difficult to write from the pov of a teenaged girl since I'm an old man, but many of my poems do that. So taking on another person's role doesn't mean I don't engage fully with it or feel emotionally attached to each piece. It just means I present more than one face.

H

[drago]

Everything I write is from my own personal standpoint - but a good deal of it is imagined rather like an actor playing a part I suppose. It would be difficult to write from the pov of a teenaged girl since I'm an old man, but many of my poems do that. So taking on another person's role doesn't mean I don't engage fully with it or feel emotionally attached to each piece. It just means I present more than one face.

H


This made me smile. Are you implying, sir, that my own poetry is obviously from the pov of a teenage girl? :)
I hope you didn't gather my thoughts as me not enjoying your poetry. Your poetry impresses me daily. I just have great trouble discerning the writer from the author. Which, as you know, is not a bad thing. It could even be called a great talent. I just find it frustrating since whenever I do read poetry, I like to analyze the purpose and connection.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I am not sure if I am understanding you! I thought you previously implied that you wrote not from your own personal standpoint, causing me to feel that you held little interpersonal attachment to your works!

And I believe that the only thing I cant truly write on is what I know.

I apologize if this in any way derails the discussion between you and Hillwalker, but apropos what you wrote above I'm reminded of of how the brilliant short-story writer Grace Paley amended the most familiar advice given to young writers, "Write about what you know" and changed it to


Write about what you don't know about what you know!


which reminds me, too, of Yeats' famous words: "Out of our quarrels with others, we make rhetoric. Out of our quarrels with ourselves, we make poetry."

But can you imagine the person who has no quarrel ever with him- or herself?

[hillwalker]

This made me smile. Are you implying, sir, that my own poetry is obviously from the pov of a teenage girl? :)

Indeed not - (smiles back!) - I can even recall having my gender questioned back in my early days on LitNet!

I was merely showing how much of what I write is not about me.... but about my observations on life. The fragments of my persona that are visible in these poems are hopefully my humanity as a writer rather than any of my personal traits.

I think you mentioned once the link between writing poetry and psychological disorders. You probably have me down as suffering Multiple Personality Disorder in that case.....

Glad you enjoy reading my poems anyway - the feeling is mutual regarding your own work. You're just going to have to keep feeling frustrated though....

H

[Jack of Hearts]

Mr. H L Walker - your reader has no idea what this poem is about. But he ponders it all the same (previous comments deliberately unread).


Intriguing, to say the least.


J

[hillwalker]

Aha, if you have chosen not to read the previous threads then you will only see what lies on the poem's meniscus - the imagining of a world without seawater.

Beneath the surface there's much more, but thanks for reading.

H

[paperleaves]

Wow, this is fantastic...such vivid imagery and masterful technique. I love it!

[hillwalker]

Thanks @paperleaves for your generous feedback.

h

[AuntShecky]

Again, sorry I'm late w. this, but you know why. I'm finally finished w. it. One of the implicit statements in that essay says as much as you did in this reply:
Are you saying you are afraid of revealing your vulnerability through your writing - or feel you always do so involuntarily, so cannot relate to those who write 'in disguise'? We often reveal more of ourselves through the masks we choose to wear than in exposing our frailities.

H :-)

That is absolutely true. T.S. Eliot proved that in both his essays and especially his most profound poetry, such as "East Coker." It is only by "escaping" our emotions do we really find them.

As to this poem, "The Necessity of Water." All of us (even American students) know that nothing can live without H20,but your poem goes beyond the obvious.

Yet the three images you pick are not immediately obvious-two natural ones (a crab, a Hermit crab I take it, and a starfish) and -- a creature of fantasy, the Mermaid. Your lines are so compressed and say all that they want to say, that no further analysis is necessary. It's a good one, Hill, and it reflects good work.

[the facade]

I enjoyed that a lot! Especially the alliteration!

[Skia]

Loved it,
Inspirational, Pretty and the subtle hidden meaning is perfectly portrayed :)

[qimissung]

Again, sorry I'm late w. this, but you know why. I'm finally finished w. it. One of the implicit statements in that essay says as much as you did in this reply:

That is absolutely true. T.S. Eliot proved that in both his essays and especially his most profound poetry, such as "East Coker." It is only by "escaping" our emotions do we really find them.

As to this poem, "The Necessity of Water." All of us (even American students) know that nothing can live without H20,but your poem goes beyond the obvious.

Yet the three images you pick are not immediately obvious-two natural ones (a crab, a Hermit crab I take it, and a starfish) and -- a creature of fantasy, the Mermaid. Your lines are so compressed and say all that they want to say, that no further analysis is necessary. It's a good one, Hill, and it reflects good work.

High praise, indeed, Hill! :)

[Bar22do]

I come late to comment on your poem and suppose much has been said already, so let me just tell you the longing your "starfish barnacled to rock who glowers heavenwards" awakened in me... Are we humans the only living creatures aspiring to what we cannot have/attain to? Or is it a longing justified by some biological memory, or, in the contrary, by prescience... (I wouldn't decide)... I think your last S stands beautifully as a poem on its own, though I like the whole piece as it is. Thanks hill,

Best as always,

Bar

[kittypaws]

I too am a late comer...

but I took from your poem simplicity, fantasy and reality.

I would have adjusted a couple of words here and there....but who am I to say.

The beauty of poetry is every individual takes their own read and carries away a thought of their own....

Very nice H

So what is next?

Kittypaws

[_Shannon_]

Reading it, I didn't want to like it (the first image required a lot of my imagination)...but it turns out I did. I really, really did!!

[hillwalker]

Thanks @Auntie for resurrecting this one - and I'm pleased you enjoyed the interesting responses that it managed to generate

@the facade - thanks also for your kind feedback

and @Skia - inspirational? - so get scribbling

@Bar22 - I'm really pleased you caught the plight of the starfish as meaning something much more, and

@Shannon - I'm really, really pleased you persevered with it.

Thanks all for your generosity.

H