Transfiguration

[_Shannon_]

Transfiguration

This mountain is her temple, to which she
ascends through briar-tangled valleys of shadow,
where she waits greedily to suckle from
the sun as it rises, filling her belly with fire.

Satiated, the tips of her hair glow,
emblazoning her with a halo infused with
ancient power, raw and elemental.
Handmaid of the cosmos, her soul is magnified.

Shaman wizard woman who holds the light
of a thousand generations before and after.
Outstretched Orans hands radiate the prayer
of touching birth and life and lovers and death.

Crowned heraldess of the stars, she calls forth
the serpents and dragons to stand upon their backs.
They carry her down to the world of men,
returning , disguised again behind wrinkled eyes.

1.21.11

[_Shannon_]

I'm not super happy with it, but it's all I've got in me today. Imperfect is better than not at all.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I would change "awaits" (v. tr) in l 3 to waits but imperfect or not in your eyes this is charged with a compelling, restless energy.

[Hawkman]

There's an awful lot in this to like.. I just think the metre could be a little tidier. Great imagery though. Best, H

[_Shannon_]

I would change "awaits" (v. tr) in l 3 to waits but imperfect or not in your eyes this is charged with a compelling, restless energy.

Done!

[_Shannon_]

There's an awful lot in this to like.. I just think the metre could be a little tidier. Great imagery though. Best, H

I agree..I will give it a night and come back to see if I can't wrestle with it a bit. Syllabically it scans, but not rhythm-wise.

[qimissung]

This is just beautiful. Why aren't you happy with it?

[_Shannon_]

Thanks!

You know--I don't know why I'm not. It scans kind of clumsily--the diction is kind of all over the place. But, a friend of mine just read it and really, really liked it. So, I dunno--maybe ot's just me. Maybe it's that I wish I had been able to focus on just writing--and was distracted by children and householdness while I was writing. I'm not really sure why I feel so meh about it. I like the imagery, but wonder if maybe I didn't choose the right words or something.

I am going to ask a friend of mine to paint this for me. I am very excited for that!

[YesNo]

What did she do in the world of men?

In the first stanza she goes up the mountain "through briar-tangled valleys of shadow", but in the last, the serpents and dragons take her there, I assume, in some sort of flight.

I found the "shaman wizard woman" interesting and I'm looking forward to hear more about her activities.

[_Shannon_]

Thanks! You know--that could be the problem...maybe it does need another stanza. I really needed to be done and didn't have any more time to write so it had to be done. But maybe it needs to not be done.