A Mind in Recline

[gruntingslime]

It has been a million years, but it has only been today. What has swept behind us, and why. A day's diagram of a jagged perception, things understood without reflection.

The images—The dreams of a man in toil, and the slug into rest at the end of it all. I will not excuse, will not act without what, but always before warning. Be not you it is me that when the bow breaks our egos will fall.

Why then, when I come to illusion, and I cannot face nor escape—because nothing pursues me.

And then all, we while away, for the foreign coming—we did not seek, no. 'Tis for the journey bound, when the ball falls and breaks.

[PrinceMyshkin]

There is something impenetrable about whatever thread of logic is meant to run through this and the language seems to be unmoored from any particular period or personality.

[gruntingslime]

It might be because I think to myself in the second person. I am investigating it as we speak.

I have a feeling of like fear or tension that I won't be able to hold up the facade society wants me to wear.

[hillwalker]

I doubt that distancing yourself from your ego is responsible for the disjointed way you write. And regardless of how you perceive your ability to perform in society the role that is expected of you, I struggled to make sense of most of this piece. It seems more to do with muddled thinking than sociopathy.

I will not excuse, will not act without what, but always before warning. Be not you it is me that when the bow breaks our egos will fall.

It hardly qualifies as poetry, and the underlined bits are not even English the way I remember it.

I'm all for some elusiveness in poetry, but this was beyond me. I guess you need to find some way of expressing yourself with more clarity before surfing off upon some pseudo-existentialist wave. As Prince said -impenetrable.

H

[YesNo]

Like the others, I didn't understand this, but I am not the sharpest tool in the shed.

However, I am glad you did not put in random line breaks.

[gruntingslime]

The moment lasts an eternity, filled with the convolution of things. We see the image of a day projected through an unsettled mind, a mind that understands but does not reflect.

All of the images fill my head till it shakes— a man toiling away in dreams, pained at the hard slug towards an end. I make no excuse but I act without knowing what I do, without a thought to warn myself of the consequences. Be not like me for you hold me within yourself, and when the weight of your ego becomes too much, the bow shall break and the immature soul within you shall fall.

Why, when I am illusioned, I struggle to escape or at least face what pursues me, but I cannot, for my pursuer does not exist.

And then, while we while away, for the coming of that which is outside of ourself—but we cannot seek. We are on a journey bound, and as time moves on we fall, broken.

------------------------

I am sad because of specifics.

[gruntingslime]

I doubt that distancing yourself from your ego is responsible for the disjointed way you write.

Were you referring to me thinking to myself in the second person? I don't think that is distancing myself from my ego. I would probably relate that more to my ego taking form as "another" to impose my own thoughts upon me as "another". If there is any distancing, it is rather 'my ego' which has distanced itself from me (me being another form of ego). [That is, my ego creating a duplicity, an excuse to irresponsibility for itself/and in speaking of my ego as a separate entity, an excuse to irresponsibility for myself.]


It hardly qualifies as poetry, and the underlined bits are not even English the way I remember it.

I understand this may not be poetry. I suppose it is part of my irrational animal struggle that I try to find a place for myself.

--------------------------
Yes, I must live with the actions of my past.

[hillwalker]

It's interesting that your response #6 makes more sense than the poem itself - assuming its a paraphrasing of the original post.....

Maybe you should look at why that is.

And thinking to yourself in the second person suggests some disassociation between the ego and superego - which might explain what you write, but not how.

H

[gruntingslime]

And thinking to yourself in the second person suggests some disassociation between the ego and superego - which might explain what you write, but not how.

I guess we're not going on the idea that form and content are inseparable?

I will continue in investigation as to why I write in this way, as it comes more than naturally to me and in fact is most often unintentional.

[hillwalker]

Form and content inseperable? Well no, because either can be altered without compromising the other. I think in this case it's the form that needs attention rather than the content as you say.

It seems that you are exploring your stream of consciousness as a source - which is fine - but some are better at this than others. And when it's done rather badly it can seem pretentious and awkward.

I'd be interested to learn how much editing (if any) takes place between writing this material and posting it on here.

H

[Haunted]

Grunt, your stuff is so over my head, the more I read, the more I find my own mind in recline. IF that's what you are aiming for, then you succeeded. But I have a feeling that you want to be understood like most of us, in that case you need to break it down for us in digestible language.

[gruntingslime]

Form and content inseperable? Well no, because either can be altered without compromising the other. I think in this case it's the form that needs attention rather than the content as you say.

I don't think I agree with that, there are at least a few experiences of the original post that would be lost from its reiteration.

There is an experience embedded in every stylistic or artistic production. Where I have failed is in tuning the experience with harmony that would bring a positive reaction. The poem is highly personal, nothing but a struggle with myself. I am on a wavering line between acceptance that there are certain points of knowledge unknowable, and not all matter of dream able to be experienced, and on the other hand an inability to relinquish certain dreams as 'unrealistic'.

So as an exploration of truth, understanding, or wisdom its a failure, but as an expression of the reality of my being, its probably accurate.

[Delta40]

I want to be in on this conversation but I can't understand it! #6 definitely had a flow one could begin to relate to.