First timer. No clue what to expect.

[HiImWillis]

So..It's my first time posting anything I write anywhere. I just wrote this, and I am not sure at all what it's worth (or if I should share it in our student paper). Sorry in advance for grammatical mistakes or typos if any. Is it good? okay? just plain bad? you decide i guess.

As greener pastures were promised, the journey began. Sadness quickly ensued; leaving the motherland is never an easy task. Nonetheless, the hope for brighter days filled the souls of the weary. Years passed. The voyage was admittedly longer and harder than anticipated. Trials and tribulations made them wonder why they left in the first place. Soon enough the promised land became visible. Hopes arose as they started to run towards their new home; their promised prize. One by one they crumbled as they noticed that the pastures weren't greener. Hell, they weren't even green at all. Too exhausted to embark on the voyage home, they started anew. Still, they imagine how life would of been better had they simply stayed.

The grass isn't always greener elsewhere. Maybe what you know as green doesn't even exist elsewhere. Sometimes, it's not about wondering what you could be doing outside your little box, but how you can utilize being in it.

[Jassy Melson]

I have one question about this: Who are "they?" You make numerous references to "they", but you don't explain at all who they are.

[hillwalker]

I'm guessing the 'they' is anyone who uproots in search of a better life.

It's good that you have taken the first step to post something on here.
The only problem I have with this piece is that it is too generalised. What specifically made these individuals consider moving home? - and what did they discover in the 'greener pastures' that made them regret moving?

As a springboard to a lengthier piece this is fine.
Personally I would have removed part of the opening and kicked off with 'Leaving the motherland is never an easy task.....' - otherwise you have revealed how it all ends (in 'sadness') even before we reach the end of the first line. Why would we bother reading any further?

H

[drago]

I agree with Hillwalker in that it is extremely generalized. It lacks the intimacy that the alphabet should share with its subject. I am also uncertain as to if the rushed manner is deliberate. What is this intended for? Is this a love story between two people, embarking on a journey, or is it of a family?
Also, when writing something that is familiar in literature, it is important that you contribute something that others have never read. How can this vary between other stories of immigration? What are you willing to supply to the story?
I think it just requires a great deal of detail.