Nightswimming

[DieterM]

Wait until a precious darkness falls,
airy fabric made of blackwarmed winds.
Shed your clothes; mumble, if you want,
with each discarded garment, '…loves me …loves me not'

Get closer, touch it, let it lap your hand,
feel its lukewarm ripples on your skin,
crystal washing over alabaster.
Step in, let the ocean womb dissolve your presence.

Body vanishes… lie back and float,
your fear abandoned on the sandy beach,
waves of pleasure running through you
and the cherry moon your only witness…

[Hawkman]

Wonderful poem, Dieter, great imagery with a rhythm that washes over the reader in waves like the warm tide. If only it was so easy to let go...

Best, H

[DieterM]

thank you for appreciating, Hawkman! And indeed, if only it was easy... In fact, I don't remember having swam in the sea at night, not even once! I'm too scared (never watch 'Jaws'!!). Plus, I'm what you could call a control-freak with zen attitude. That's perhaps why 'Nightswimming' is for me the perfect image of someone who lets go and enjoys...

[PrinceMyshkin]

Wonderful flow throughout this as if, indeed, your lines were mimicking the flow of the sea, but I had trouble knowing how to take the "cherry moon," especially given the colloquial use of "cherry" often to designate virginity.

[blank|verse]

The title seems familiar - has this been posted before? Never mind, but for me, it's impossible to read this without hearing the REM song of the same name arpeggiating round my head... (no bad thing).

There are some nice moments in this. Even though its a bit whimsical, I liked the 'clothes forget-me-not' image in the first stanza. However, I felt the 'blackwarmed wind' is quite sinister, and seems contrary to its 'airy' description. And this line loses the physical sense of touch as it is a bit abstract:

crystal washing over alabaster.
And this line 'tells' too much:

waves of pleasure running through you
But on the whole, it's a pleasantly evocative poem, Dieter.

[Haunted]

love the imageries and metaphors

[DieterM]

@ haunted: thank you!
@ PrinceMyshkin: well, at least I always learn something with you! I really didn't know that 'cherry' could designate virginity. I was more inspired by the Prince song 'under the cherry moon'. But the image of a virgin moon (as in 'moon seen for the very first time) has something rather appealing, hasn't it?
@ blankverse: Maybe someone else has used the same title. I'm glad you found my inspiration very quickly – it was indeed the REM-song I was listening to, in the métro, when the idea of this poem came up. Thank you for your comments.

[Jerrybaldy]

Twas me. I used the same title. Enjoyed your version very muches too Dieter, you should make a promise to yourself to try it, its highly recommended.
jerry

[firefangled]

The flow of this is lovely and musical.

Loved the description of "balckwarmed winds" as if night were a garment. This was especially effective in contrast to the following line of "shed your clothes."

I too had trouble with the "crystal washing over alabaster." However, I only think that is due to the tactile images surrounding that line, making it stand out.

Good job!

[DieterM]

@jerrybaldy: ah okay, 'twas you then! I'll gonna have a look at your version this week-end. And maybe, one day, I'll have a try and go nightswimming...
@firefangled: thanks for your comment. As for crystal and alabaster, I was thinking of something like the transparent water washing over a hand that, in contrast to the black night, would look all white. Perhaps I'll have to think of something more appropriate to descrive this image...