Negritude

[zeeshan89]

aaaaaaaaaa

[Jack of Hearts]

The repetition of the letter 'a' is slightly distracting. Try spacing it out a little more for a less cumbersome effect.

This piece is short, succinct and to the point. It is very post-modern in its way and perhaps outside of this reader's confidence of his ability to critique. In one interpretation it both demonstrates that change is an illusion and objects do in fact have identity; by the 7th 'a' we are quite aware there isn't going to be a physical difference in the shape of the letters forthcoming but yet every letter does exist individually and there is a definite end. Perhaps it's a metaphor for the rote routine of a plot or life.

Whatever the case, perhaps an edit or two is order to really bridge the gap between your art and your reader. A few revisions would really bring out the best in this.



J

[Grit]

The repetition of the letter 'a' is slightly distracting. Try spacing it out a little more for a less cumbersome effect.

This piece is short, succinct and to the point. It is very post-modern in its way and perhaps outside of this reader's confidence of his ability to critique. In one interpretation it both demonstrates that change is an illusion and objects do in fact have identity; by the 7th 'a' we are quite aware there isn't going to be a physical difference in the shape of the letters forthcoming but yet every letter does exist individually and there is a definite end. Perhaps it's a metaphor for the rote routine of a plot or life.

Whatever the case, perhaps an edit or two is order to really bridge the gap between your art and your reader. A few revisions would really bring out the best in this.



J

I laughed out loud at this Jack. Reminds me of when I used to bs just for the fun of it, except you pull it off exceptionally well.

[hillwalker]

I also found the repetition rather distracting. Perhaps it might indeed benefit from some careful editing (I would suggest removing the 3rd 'a' as that one seems the most superfluous).

Unconventional but hardly original.

H

[Delta40]

may I suggest ha ha ha ha, ah. instead? It could help the plot develop - especially given the subtle twist at the end.

[jajdude]

Maybe change the title? May I suggest "Five AA Meetings" ?