Jack of Hearts
01-16-2011, 02:49 AM
THE ROCK AND THE HARD PLACE
Maggie, I been thinkin’. Now I know you don’t like my tone but hear me out.
I did see the moon rise that night and its face was like a pale judge. I feel it like a burden on my soul. You know I didn’t mean to come here and do harm to you and your family. I sit full of regret like the bottle we left on the counter. It was purple. No, it was dark and see through and the wine was purple dark purple.
I wished I never went by there. I wish I never got a look at you sitting there on that bench. It’s been a long time to think about it since summer but sometimes I do, even now. There was work to be done but I had to stop and just say you looked like banana cream pie. Now it ain’t because I thought you was fat, you knew that ‘cause you laughed, thought it was funny. ‘Cause you was wearin’ a white skirt and a yellow blouse. Said it ‘cause I felt lust. I felt it coursin’ through my blood, like I was a bull ready for the charge and yet there was no chargin’ to be done. You was readin’ some book and on the outside flap of the book I could see your hand holdin’ it and later back in the truck I said Goddamn that’s the biggest rock I ever seen. I mean, I thought it first then said it later when I was by myself.
Your fingers, I never told you. But your fingers were like the most delicate things I ever saw holdin’ that book. Suppose it don’t matter much now, but I thought about you a lot I never said. Those first few couple weeks I thought ‘bout you lots.
We both said it was an accident. A man oughta be moral and decent and stay outta what’s not his. My daddy would kick my grown *** I swear to God. I think its cause I was workin’ maintenance at that park and it was your favorite park that we seen each other so much. And yes I know I shoulda been workin’ other than talkin’, that them goddamned post holes weren’t gonna dig umselves. So it’s my fault in that way, but it ain’t often that a lady like you has time for a fella like me. We got on good ‘cause you’re a know-it-all and I’m a idiot. And animal instinct took over and fed the rest.
We didn’t talk about it. It rose up like the flame to dry season. Eventually the dumb words just died away like they wanted to in the first place. So we went away together. The trees at the other end of the park were thick and green and leaves were fallin’- they fell in your hair and made you like the earth the entire time I been thinkin’ of you as an angel. They made you smell like trees, Maggie. I remember that and how the fire burned the entire time and even after it was done even after days of not seein’ you it ember’d.
And I don’t care to talk about the rest ‘cause the first time was all that matter. You was older and I thought you knew what you was doin’. I wasn’t more than twenty three years old and you already had two kids at home I didn’t know. It makes me sick to think of all the horse**** went on the entire time pretendin’ like it was somethin’ it ain’t and takin’ those kid’s mama away to be the object of my lust. How long did we keep it up? How many months Maggie?
So I figure it happen like this.
He seen the bottle half empty dark purple stains in two glasses on the counter. Everything is all quiet and he suspects. He wasn’t supposed to be there. I ain’t supposed to be there either but I was, with you, in your marital bed. Every time I tried to break free you pulled harder ‘cause you was better at it then I was. It took me a long time to realize you was better at it. He must heard you makin’ noise ‘cause you always did. But you did ‘em for you, it seems like. It seems like you always made all them screams to convince yourself anything was worth screamin’ about. So he heard the noise and he crept up the stairs and he must’ve waited. I would of too, no man wants to know for sure. No man wants to.
So you was lyin’ next to me breathin’ and I lay there empty in the way I usually felt after. Real empty only this time it was worse than ever and I didn’t even know how bad it was gonna get. The idea was that no church could help me ‘cause I had had the chance to stop but I said no I didn’t want to. I listened to my blood and kept in the middle of your marriage and I knew I was ruined for it, but not in the sad way. It was like I known it. It was like either me or God’s church couldn’t I thought. Since I had practice it was easy to say no again and choose me again. I left my religion on the pillow next to you.
Then he busts in with the colt and throws my naked self down to my knees and says you wanna live buddy you wanna live shoves the metal into my head beg for it you son of a ***** and you're screaming for both of us now and if you wanna live beg for it and I don’t say nothin’ and I don’t and I don't.
Maggie, I been thinkin’. Now I know you don’t like my tone but hear me out.
I did see the moon rise that night and its face was like a pale judge. I feel it like a burden on my soul. You know I didn’t mean to come here and do harm to you and your family. I sit full of regret like the bottle we left on the counter. It was purple. No, it was dark and see through and the wine was purple dark purple.
I wished I never went by there. I wish I never got a look at you sitting there on that bench. It’s been a long time to think about it since summer but sometimes I do, even now. There was work to be done but I had to stop and just say you looked like banana cream pie. Now it ain’t because I thought you was fat, you knew that ‘cause you laughed, thought it was funny. ‘Cause you was wearin’ a white skirt and a yellow blouse. Said it ‘cause I felt lust. I felt it coursin’ through my blood, like I was a bull ready for the charge and yet there was no chargin’ to be done. You was readin’ some book and on the outside flap of the book I could see your hand holdin’ it and later back in the truck I said Goddamn that’s the biggest rock I ever seen. I mean, I thought it first then said it later when I was by myself.
Your fingers, I never told you. But your fingers were like the most delicate things I ever saw holdin’ that book. Suppose it don’t matter much now, but I thought about you a lot I never said. Those first few couple weeks I thought ‘bout you lots.
We both said it was an accident. A man oughta be moral and decent and stay outta what’s not his. My daddy would kick my grown *** I swear to God. I think its cause I was workin’ maintenance at that park and it was your favorite park that we seen each other so much. And yes I know I shoulda been workin’ other than talkin’, that them goddamned post holes weren’t gonna dig umselves. So it’s my fault in that way, but it ain’t often that a lady like you has time for a fella like me. We got on good ‘cause you’re a know-it-all and I’m a idiot. And animal instinct took over and fed the rest.
We didn’t talk about it. It rose up like the flame to dry season. Eventually the dumb words just died away like they wanted to in the first place. So we went away together. The trees at the other end of the park were thick and green and leaves were fallin’- they fell in your hair and made you like the earth the entire time I been thinkin’ of you as an angel. They made you smell like trees, Maggie. I remember that and how the fire burned the entire time and even after it was done even after days of not seein’ you it ember’d.
And I don’t care to talk about the rest ‘cause the first time was all that matter. You was older and I thought you knew what you was doin’. I wasn’t more than twenty three years old and you already had two kids at home I didn’t know. It makes me sick to think of all the horse**** went on the entire time pretendin’ like it was somethin’ it ain’t and takin’ those kid’s mama away to be the object of my lust. How long did we keep it up? How many months Maggie?
So I figure it happen like this.
He seen the bottle half empty dark purple stains in two glasses on the counter. Everything is all quiet and he suspects. He wasn’t supposed to be there. I ain’t supposed to be there either but I was, with you, in your marital bed. Every time I tried to break free you pulled harder ‘cause you was better at it then I was. It took me a long time to realize you was better at it. He must heard you makin’ noise ‘cause you always did. But you did ‘em for you, it seems like. It seems like you always made all them screams to convince yourself anything was worth screamin’ about. So he heard the noise and he crept up the stairs and he must’ve waited. I would of too, no man wants to know for sure. No man wants to.
So you was lyin’ next to me breathin’ and I lay there empty in the way I usually felt after. Real empty only this time it was worse than ever and I didn’t even know how bad it was gonna get. The idea was that no church could help me ‘cause I had had the chance to stop but I said no I didn’t want to. I listened to my blood and kept in the middle of your marriage and I knew I was ruined for it, but not in the sad way. It was like I known it. It was like either me or God’s church couldn’t I thought. Since I had practice it was easy to say no again and choose me again. I left my religion on the pillow next to you.
Then he busts in with the colt and throws my naked self down to my knees and says you wanna live buddy you wanna live shoves the metal into my head beg for it you son of a ***** and you're screaming for both of us now and if you wanna live beg for it and I don’t say nothin’ and I don’t and I don't.