Night

[kittypaws]

the coming of the night
is a bless time
when self and the one
you cherish
are combine.

it is not always
sexual... the cosmos
delivers many thoughts
pleasant, warm;
inner child being hugged
blessings of the soul.

As you hold me in you arms
against your cushy chest
I live
Security, at rest;
Whispering mate.

Ahhhh.....
I will still love
You in the
Morning light.

kittypaws

still trying to get my tenses right!!!! Sigh....frustrating but I think I am getting better???

you tell me!

here to learn and thank you all for sharing!

Happy Friday!!

[hillwalker]

This is a really cuddly poem.

As for 'tenses' - well they seem ok but a couple of expressions in the opening verse seeem a little off :


the coming of the night
is a bless time [shouldn't that be 'blessed'?]
when self and the one
you cherish
are combine [and 'combined' makes more sense].

I also don't much care for the second verse - it's like you're listing other situations where closeness can be experienced in a rather cold, distant manner which destroys the mood. It might be better if you actually revealed how the 'cosmos' (?) applies these feelings upon us when we share a bed with someone we love.

- and 'it is not always sexual' immediately makes the reader say to himself.... 'I wasn't suggesting it was'. I can't see why you would need to make such a statement (that seems almost judgemental - though I can believe it was not meant to be) when the situations alluded to are all of a non-sexual nature.

H