Magic Smoke

[Grit]

magic smoke
unusual curse
Passing days,
content with trash so beautiful
condemned to nothing hope will die
I have artificial happiness
why try to see the sun
eyes glued, throat dry on my grave, my couch
laugh and live the sitcom life
no real people or friends
mediocrity personified
eight dollars an hour
bag of fun could be more toxic
more potent poison
dying world
change the channel

[Delta40]

I rather enjoyed the stream of thoughts here. Especially:
eyes glued, throat dry on my grave, my couch
laugh and live the sitcom life

The last 3 lines suggest that the haze as already lifted since they read fully and I wonder if it would be better to just stream write them?

[Grit]

I rather enjoyed the stream of thoughts here. Especially:
eyes glued, throat dry on my grave, my couch
laugh and live the sitcom life

The last 3 lines suggest that the haze as already lifted since they read fully and I wonder if it would be better to just stream write them?

Agree wholly with that and changed it accordingly. Thanks Delta, I'm new at poetry and appreciate the help.

[Delta40]

Change the channel - great ending!

[hillwalker]

The broken down lines work well given the broken down life you are supposedly describing - in which case the line

content with trash so beautiful

seemed a little out of place (that 'so beautiful' read to me as if you had suddenly paused to escape from the humdrum environment when probably the opposite was true)

maybe something along the lines of

content with trash
in all its beauty

would work better.

Also your line breaks are inconsistent and quite distracting in a couple of places - I would expect

condemned to nothing
hope will die

and

eyes glued
throat dry on my grave
my couch

to be more in keeping with the staccatto style.

H