Redemption

[Susu J]

Silence so deafening I could not sleep
Because of the secret I could not keep
Like a thousand daggers striking me
Confined to my conscience, I am not free.
Too much to bear for my small heart
At least I thought that at the start.
Glistening hands bloody and red
Belonging to those silent and dead
But here I am, awake and alive
Masking my face so I may survive
At least for a day or one more hour
Just time in time to reach the Tower
And if I may reach it in time
I’ll confess the deceitful cunning crime
Until that second don’t take me away
Just give me time, just let me pray.

[hillwalker]

I thought this was going to be another rhyming disaster but you do a good job. Although the rhyme is insistent it doesn't take away the sense of what you have written, and most of the lines flow quite smoothly (apart from the phrase 'time in time' that was probably employed to maintain the rhythm rather than to add any sense to the line).

Also some of the phrases you have come up with are rather unoriginal - 'silence so deafening' - 'those silent and dead' - 'for a day or one more hour' -you might consider thinking of a new way of exprsssing yourself in order that your work stands out.

H



H