JakeTyler
01-10-2011, 05:52 PM
Hi everyone, this is my first post here, and one of the first short stories I've written. Please tell me what you think. I apologize in advance that the paragraph indents didn't copy over.
EDIT:I've made some revisions
Jacob’s Box
Jacob entered the box with only a book of two matches. This iteration was built with five mirrors, each one a meter wide and a meter and half tall, assembled in a pentagon. Inside, she found only a simple wooden stool, and candle without a stick. She closed the lid of the box, fumbled for a moment, and struck a match. It flickered, and went out. She struck another, lit the candle, and shook out the match. After a slight headache due the many reflections of herself and the sudden change in light, Jacob settled her self on the stool, with the candle under it, and waited. She soon found the smoke and her respiration fogging the mirrors and obscuring her self. She wiped down the mirror directly in front her for a few moments, until-
“Goodevening.”
Jacob jumped, startled. She smiled to her self, embarrassed. “Hello,” she said to the figure opposite her.
“And what brings you here?” It was hardly a question.
“Well, ah, just an experiment,” she said tentatively. This sounded more like a question.
The reflection too smiled.
“What manner of experiment?”
Jacob shifted in her seat. “I’m just sort of hoping this will be, well, interesting,” she said uncomfortably. She immediately wished she took the time to think of a more confident answer.
The reflection’s smile widened. “I’ll do my best.” She situated herself and crossed her legs. “So lets talk about you. What do you have to say about yourself? Or ourself depending on how you look at it.”
“Oh, I suppose I don’t know. I thought maybe you could help me find out about my self,” said Jacob, looking from her own hands to her reflection’s. Jacob’s were fidgeting with themselves, stretching, and cracking their knuckles. The girl across from her held her hands surely on her knee.
“Oh certainly! Well, let’s answer a few questions first. Hmm… oh! How about this: What would you say is your biggest fear?” she said with raised eyebrows, and with a hint of patronization.
“I don’t really know. I mean, I don’t often feel fear.”
“When do you?”
“Um, well a bit right now.”
“Oh well there’s no need for that, we’re practically sisters!”
Jacob felt as if she were being mocked. She sat, both feet on the ground, knees together, with hunched shoulders, looking up at the image of herself. That same image sat looking as if she were speaking to an inferior, holding her self at ease yet with poise.
“Come now, you were saying?”
“Oh, well when-”
“Shhh- it seems we have company,” said Jacob’s reflection with a gesture to the mirror on Jacob’s left.
Jacob slowly lowered her head, and moved her hands to her knees. Sitting tensely, her heart pounded through her ears, and her hands came close to fists around her knees. She might have found bruises there later. She looked out of the corner of her eye, through the smoke and fog into the mirror on her left. There she found something confusing, strange, and frightening.
The figure upon the stool was terribly contorted. It seemed grey, cold and unhealthy. Its only remarkable features were it’s awful and awesome teeth. In fact, it had no other features at all. The most human of them, the eyes, were simply absent. From its heavy, slow breaths and stillness, Jacob guessed it to be asleep.
“I suggest we do our best not to wake it.”
Jacob quickly raised a finger to her lips. She agreed.
“Oh, don’t worry, as long as we’re quiet, it shouldn’t so much as twitch”
On this point, Jacob didn’t agree. She was terrified, and again, silently urged her copy to be quiet.
“Ah, you’re scared now?” She said. Again she grinned. She laughed. It echoed infinitely among the many replicas of Jacob’s box. As her reflection carried on, her laughter grew louder, more maniacal, to the point where Jacob covered her ears, closed her eyes, and bent over in pain and fear. Even with her ears covered, the laughter penetrated deep into her skull and echoes throughout her thoughts.
Then, it stopped.
Jacob looked up, again she found herself facing herself, from all sides.
“About time,” she heard from behind. The sentiment was met with consensus from all around her. They all looked at her, wearing an expression of amusement, as if she were an interesting specimen but of little importance.
“Hi,” she let out weakly and coarsely. She realized she had been holding her breath.
The onlookers let out snickers.
“Ladies, this is hardly appropriate behavior. She is our guest, we must make her feel comfortable,” said the reflection before Jacob. The spectators went quiet, replacing their laughter with subtle condescending smirks.
“Let me introduce every one. Everyone, the beautiful young girl before us is Jacob. Jacob, to your left is Jacob, to your right is Jacob, behind you is Jacob, and next to her is Jacob. Now, we know you’re a mature young woman, but I promise, no one here will judge you. Would you like some entertainment?”
“What kind of entertainment?” said Jacob apprehensively. Those about her exchanged sneers in such a graceful, certain pattern it might have been choreographed.
Her reflection took the candle from under her stool, careful not to let it go out, and held her hand over it.
“Don’t do that!” Jacob snatched the candle away. The flame sputtered, then continued its dance.
“Might we show you something else?” Again, it was scarcely a question.
The eyes of the reflection conducting the conversation glowed in the candlelight when she saw Jacob’s reluctance. “Follow me.” She briskly rose from her seat, and wandered off into one of the many chambers adjacent to her own. The others did the same. Jacob, unsure, waited in her seat for a moment.
Then she heard from somewhere far away, “Are you coming?” Jacob became uncomfortable on her stool, so she too stood.
She stood crouched over for a moment, hesitant to leave, but she quickly followed after the voice she had heard. The smoke had become over powering. Coughing and stumbling, Jacob lost herself among the many copies of her box. Farther and farther she went from her original place. She heard a snicker behind her, and changed direction. She caught a glimpse of her likeness, and rushed after it.
Soon, Jacob had lost her sense of direction, and had no idea where she was, where the others were, or where she began. She continued her way through the matrix of stools and candles. She stopped to catch her breath, only to learn that the air was toxic.
She sat on a stool. She waited a while, hoping to hear from some one. Nothing. She waited a while longer. She noticed the mirrors fogging again. She wiped at one of them and shuddered. It was cold. Jacob could see her breath, exiting her mouth, and rising to mingle with the smoke. She sat on the stool, shivering and worrying that she might shake herself apart.
In an effort to warm herself she knocked away the stool, and held her self to the candle. So cold was she, that she held her hand directly to the flame, and watched the skin blister and melt. She cried from the pain, but continued, hoping to take in as much heat as possible.
She wondered how long she had been there. Judging by the burns, it had been quite a while. She felt cement around her ribcage making her breaths tremble. Though she couldn’t feel her toes or even remember that she had toes, the rest of her body insisted on its reality and kindly reminded her with its fierce convulsions. She wondered how long she had been there. Judging by the burns, it had been quite a while.
Sometime after that while, Jacob noticed that her double had returned. She had returned the stool to its original place. Sitting with a look of adoration, the copy lifted her foot to Jacob’s cheek and pressed. Being without the energy to even object, Jacob simply relaxed and felt her teeth shifting in her jaw, the cold of the floor. Exhausted, she exhaled, and waited for her torment to end.
Soon, it did, but not until teeth had been displaced.
“Oh god,” pushed itself through her lips. Tears froze halfway down her cheeks. She took a beat, emersed in the pain that broke the words into fragments that vaguely reflected her thoughts. “Why did you do that?”
With a genuine caring smile, her reflection replied.
“Because I hate you.”
Jacob trembled so violently that she tipped the candle over.
Then, the candle went out.
EDIT:I've made some revisions
Jacob’s Box
Jacob entered the box with only a book of two matches. This iteration was built with five mirrors, each one a meter wide and a meter and half tall, assembled in a pentagon. Inside, she found only a simple wooden stool, and candle without a stick. She closed the lid of the box, fumbled for a moment, and struck a match. It flickered, and went out. She struck another, lit the candle, and shook out the match. After a slight headache due the many reflections of herself and the sudden change in light, Jacob settled her self on the stool, with the candle under it, and waited. She soon found the smoke and her respiration fogging the mirrors and obscuring her self. She wiped down the mirror directly in front her for a few moments, until-
“Goodevening.”
Jacob jumped, startled. She smiled to her self, embarrassed. “Hello,” she said to the figure opposite her.
“And what brings you here?” It was hardly a question.
“Well, ah, just an experiment,” she said tentatively. This sounded more like a question.
The reflection too smiled.
“What manner of experiment?”
Jacob shifted in her seat. “I’m just sort of hoping this will be, well, interesting,” she said uncomfortably. She immediately wished she took the time to think of a more confident answer.
The reflection’s smile widened. “I’ll do my best.” She situated herself and crossed her legs. “So lets talk about you. What do you have to say about yourself? Or ourself depending on how you look at it.”
“Oh, I suppose I don’t know. I thought maybe you could help me find out about my self,” said Jacob, looking from her own hands to her reflection’s. Jacob’s were fidgeting with themselves, stretching, and cracking their knuckles. The girl across from her held her hands surely on her knee.
“Oh certainly! Well, let’s answer a few questions first. Hmm… oh! How about this: What would you say is your biggest fear?” she said with raised eyebrows, and with a hint of patronization.
“I don’t really know. I mean, I don’t often feel fear.”
“When do you?”
“Um, well a bit right now.”
“Oh well there’s no need for that, we’re practically sisters!”
Jacob felt as if she were being mocked. She sat, both feet on the ground, knees together, with hunched shoulders, looking up at the image of herself. That same image sat looking as if she were speaking to an inferior, holding her self at ease yet with poise.
“Come now, you were saying?”
“Oh, well when-”
“Shhh- it seems we have company,” said Jacob’s reflection with a gesture to the mirror on Jacob’s left.
Jacob slowly lowered her head, and moved her hands to her knees. Sitting tensely, her heart pounded through her ears, and her hands came close to fists around her knees. She might have found bruises there later. She looked out of the corner of her eye, through the smoke and fog into the mirror on her left. There she found something confusing, strange, and frightening.
The figure upon the stool was terribly contorted. It seemed grey, cold and unhealthy. Its only remarkable features were it’s awful and awesome teeth. In fact, it had no other features at all. The most human of them, the eyes, were simply absent. From its heavy, slow breaths and stillness, Jacob guessed it to be asleep.
“I suggest we do our best not to wake it.”
Jacob quickly raised a finger to her lips. She agreed.
“Oh, don’t worry, as long as we’re quiet, it shouldn’t so much as twitch”
On this point, Jacob didn’t agree. She was terrified, and again, silently urged her copy to be quiet.
“Ah, you’re scared now?” She said. Again she grinned. She laughed. It echoed infinitely among the many replicas of Jacob’s box. As her reflection carried on, her laughter grew louder, more maniacal, to the point where Jacob covered her ears, closed her eyes, and bent over in pain and fear. Even with her ears covered, the laughter penetrated deep into her skull and echoes throughout her thoughts.
Then, it stopped.
Jacob looked up, again she found herself facing herself, from all sides.
“About time,” she heard from behind. The sentiment was met with consensus from all around her. They all looked at her, wearing an expression of amusement, as if she were an interesting specimen but of little importance.
“Hi,” she let out weakly and coarsely. She realized she had been holding her breath.
The onlookers let out snickers.
“Ladies, this is hardly appropriate behavior. She is our guest, we must make her feel comfortable,” said the reflection before Jacob. The spectators went quiet, replacing their laughter with subtle condescending smirks.
“Let me introduce every one. Everyone, the beautiful young girl before us is Jacob. Jacob, to your left is Jacob, to your right is Jacob, behind you is Jacob, and next to her is Jacob. Now, we know you’re a mature young woman, but I promise, no one here will judge you. Would you like some entertainment?”
“What kind of entertainment?” said Jacob apprehensively. Those about her exchanged sneers in such a graceful, certain pattern it might have been choreographed.
Her reflection took the candle from under her stool, careful not to let it go out, and held her hand over it.
“Don’t do that!” Jacob snatched the candle away. The flame sputtered, then continued its dance.
“Might we show you something else?” Again, it was scarcely a question.
The eyes of the reflection conducting the conversation glowed in the candlelight when she saw Jacob’s reluctance. “Follow me.” She briskly rose from her seat, and wandered off into one of the many chambers adjacent to her own. The others did the same. Jacob, unsure, waited in her seat for a moment.
Then she heard from somewhere far away, “Are you coming?” Jacob became uncomfortable on her stool, so she too stood.
She stood crouched over for a moment, hesitant to leave, but she quickly followed after the voice she had heard. The smoke had become over powering. Coughing and stumbling, Jacob lost herself among the many copies of her box. Farther and farther she went from her original place. She heard a snicker behind her, and changed direction. She caught a glimpse of her likeness, and rushed after it.
Soon, Jacob had lost her sense of direction, and had no idea where she was, where the others were, or where she began. She continued her way through the matrix of stools and candles. She stopped to catch her breath, only to learn that the air was toxic.
She sat on a stool. She waited a while, hoping to hear from some one. Nothing. She waited a while longer. She noticed the mirrors fogging again. She wiped at one of them and shuddered. It was cold. Jacob could see her breath, exiting her mouth, and rising to mingle with the smoke. She sat on the stool, shivering and worrying that she might shake herself apart.
In an effort to warm herself she knocked away the stool, and held her self to the candle. So cold was she, that she held her hand directly to the flame, and watched the skin blister and melt. She cried from the pain, but continued, hoping to take in as much heat as possible.
She wondered how long she had been there. Judging by the burns, it had been quite a while. She felt cement around her ribcage making her breaths tremble. Though she couldn’t feel her toes or even remember that she had toes, the rest of her body insisted on its reality and kindly reminded her with its fierce convulsions. She wondered how long she had been there. Judging by the burns, it had been quite a while.
Sometime after that while, Jacob noticed that her double had returned. She had returned the stool to its original place. Sitting with a look of adoration, the copy lifted her foot to Jacob’s cheek and pressed. Being without the energy to even object, Jacob simply relaxed and felt her teeth shifting in her jaw, the cold of the floor. Exhausted, she exhaled, and waited for her torment to end.
Soon, it did, but not until teeth had been displaced.
“Oh god,” pushed itself through her lips. Tears froze halfway down her cheeks. She took a beat, emersed in the pain that broke the words into fragments that vaguely reflected her thoughts. “Why did you do that?”
With a genuine caring smile, her reflection replied.
“Because I hate you.”
Jacob trembled so violently that she tipped the candle over.
Then, the candle went out.