Do you take online romances seriously?

[SilentMute]

I am asking this because I know of a few romantics who are on LitNet. I am hoping I will not offend anyone, and I am hoping people will be honest with me...because I would really like to know.

In August, I became an online ESOL tutor. I have students from all over the world. The position has been rewarding in many ways. I have received help with my studies, and the gratitude of some of my students is very satisfying. Also, it is interesting because I am learning about my native language as well--because I receive many questions about the language that I have never thought about. There are many things that are understood by native speakers that are never set into actual rules or explained in dictionaries, and so these are things that learners often mess up on.

There is a Livechat function on the site. I'm not a big fan of Livechat except when it comes to customer service, but I have developed an aversion to it particularly now. There are some students who are very serious about their studies, but there are others who seem to be on who are looking for a relationship or a phone sex operator. The ones looking for a relationship stress me out more because they seem to be in earnest, and I don't want to hurt their feelings...but it is still an uncomfortable situation.

I am not a romantic. I sometimes develop crushes, but I never take it too far. I take relationships very seriously--something that is very binding and life altering. Because of this, I have certain requirements. One of them is that I don't waste time with online romances. A relationship requires proximity--and if you don't live in my area, I can't have a relationship with you. I don't even consider a person a likely candidate if they live in another State--or in another part of my state...I set a very limited perimeter (25 miles from my house). So I consider it EXTREMELY unlikely when a person lives in another country. As far as I'm concerned, living in another country is like being from outer space.

It should be flattering that I have people telling me how beautiful I am, how much they are in love with me, and they want to marry me. I'm afraid, though, it just really distresses me and creeps me out. Of course, another problem is that these people move awfully fast. One guy proposed to me after talking to me two times. But even if that isn't the case, it still makes me uncomfortable. I do everything I can to make sure that my interests can't be misconstrued as anything except friendship. What is worse is that it is starting to make me develop prejudices, because I have found that I am having a particular problem with one group.

I wonder sometimes if I should take these people seriously. I'd have less stress if I didn't--if I would just dismiss them as people who are bored. However, because I am someone who takes certain things seriously, I get annoyed by people who aren't serious. Yet, when they are serious--they scare me. And I can't figure out how people who come from these dirt poor countries don't understand financial limitations--they don't understand why I don't want to make long-distance calls, why I don't have a web camera,, and why I can't come to see them.

So...before this gets any longer...this is what I want to know from our romantics. Do you really believe you are in love with this person? Do you think you will actually ever meet? Or do you have romances online because you know nothing will ever come of them--and you think it is harmless fun that brightens your day?

And I hope I don't offend anyone by making you sound like an online predator, but it is just that I don't get it myself. I want to know how I should view these people who are stressing me out. I don't like their attentions, and yet I don't want to hurt their feelings either.

[OrphanPip]

I'm of the opinion that they can't work for me, but it is entirely possible for them to work for some people.

When my ex moved away, we tried to maintain a long-distance relationship but it didn't work for either of us. We're still friends who keep in touch though.

I personally feel, no offense to anyone out there, that when you cling to a long-distance relationship you may just be making an excuse for yourself not to be out there looking for a real relationship. That is, when there isn't an immediate expectation of some reunion in the near future.

[1n50mn14]

:lol:

Does that answer your question?
I will openly belittle online relationships, if they are online and there is no intention of it ever becoming a real-time thing. I met my current partner on the internet and we chatted a bit before going out for coffee and ultimately we ended up dating- but we met in real life, and we date in real life, not on the internet.

I fail to understand how you can really, truly, know and love somebody over the internet. You might have an idea, but it's not... tangible. Meeting somebody on the internet and taking it to the next level is different, but having an on-line relationship is just laughable. You're in love with binary code and and avatar pictures.

*cringe*

My current partner has had a few (failed) on-line romances. We don't talk about them because they make me question his intelligence and judgement.

[kiki1982]

Like 1n50... said (what a name!), you need to see each other in real life, otherwise there is nothing to it, but I wouldn't choose to limit myself the way you do, though... I mean, maybe you once meet someone on the net, get chatting and then fall in love with the person without even seeing him/her. I have known people who got married based on that or letters and were really really happy for the rest of their lives.
That is not to say of course that cultivating a relationship on the net only, is a bit weird and, to me, pointless. Though, saying that you want to marry someone merely on the base of a few chats, is a bit worrying... I wouldn't be satisfied with that.

Which doesn't mean that I wouldn't consider moving to another place for love.

By the way, I am married, so no applications, please :D.

[Hyacinthine]

I know someone who became good friends with someone online and talked to them for two years before they got together. They didn't call their online friendship a "relationship" -- like this woman never, ever would have referred to the guy as her boyfriend or vice versa -- but they knew they did have feelings for each other. Well, after they met in person, they were married a year later. It's been about a year since then. They seem really happy.

Let me put it this way. I don't think you can legitimately say you're in a relationship or that someone is your significant other if you've never met in person or have only met in person once or something like that. But I do think there can be potential there.

[soundofmusic]

I have met some people I like very much online as friends. The strange thing is that when I meet them on another forum; their personalities change. I have met people on one forum who are very cheerful and have winning personalities; and are beligerant and distressed on another.
I have also noticed that people are seldom representing their true selves online, or, we show "our best self" online. Everyone is a winner online.
For my friends that have online romances; I have always encouraged them to go meet the person, why hang on to a fantasy and then find out you don't even like the person.

Of course, some of us like that feeling of control that we have in a relationship with limited possibilities. I once spoke with a person by phone and letters for several years and enjoyed and looked forward to the daily intercourse; but when they were able to meet me in person, the relationship presented problems I was not prepared to deal with. Online we don't have to deal with limitations of money, our childrens and friends opinions, physical appearances....

[Niamh]

I use to think online dating was rediculous. But then i met someone on here. I'd known him for years here before we ever really started to chat. We had what you could call an online relationship for a year. we only met up twice in that space of time. He was in Canada and i was in Ireland. He moved here in May last year so now its a real relationship and not an online one. But it was primarily an online one for the first year.

[OfHighInterest]

I guess it also depends on age as well as experience as to how far you want it to go. I mean I am only 16 so for me I talk to anyone who will listen but and not out looking for a partner but at the same time I think you would have to meet or seen them on a form of camera before you can make your judgement.