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Logan1
01-06-2011, 11:24 PM
Molly Crabapple
1
The campfire fizzled out as the rain washed the flames away. Night had fallen on the prairie.
“There isn’t anyone else around, is there?” Molly Crabapple asked looking rather depressed.
“Nope” a gruff voice said in response.
“Hmm. Too bad”, she said sarcastically. “How long you gonna hold me hostage? I mean, you gotta do something with me soon, right? Can’t just stay out here all night.”
“Stop with the damn questions. I’m tired.”
“But you’re the kidnapper,” she said, turning her face from him.
“Shut the hell up, kid”. His voice got lower now, more agitated.
“I can do magic!” she exclaimed. “Wanna see?”
“I said, SHUT THE HELL UP!” He rose from his knapsack, his shadow falling over her face “Now listen here, Missy (Kiddo seemed to friendly). If you don’t quiet down and get to sleep, things are gonna get real bad for ya real fast. I gotta get my sleep so we can head out in the morning.”
“Ok, ok calm down. Don’t worry about me, I can sleep.(Don’t think she wants to reassure him, she’s agitated here) I just wanted to do one trick before you went to sleep. Cheer you up, maybe?”
The man sat down and pushed his hat back down over his face. “Do you damn trick, if that’s what it’ll take to get you to sleep.”
“Thank you!” she said jumping slightly off the ground.
Molly stood up and closed her eyes. “Now you’ll have to watch real close, Ok? Or you’ll miss it.”
“Get on with it” the man said, hat down, eyes closed.
“Ok, I have this hankerchief here and I’m going to make it disappear. It’ll be my greatest trick yet.”
She closed her eyes and centered her hands near her chest, almost as if she were praying.
A small light could be seen at the center of her body, slowly getting brighter. The light shown on the strangers face and he tipped his hat up. “What in the…”
Before he knew it the camp was bathed in light. There was a sudden flash and she was gone. Darkness returned.
“Molly Crabapple!” the man screamed. “Where the hell did you run off to? You get back here right now, girl!”
Nothing but the sounds of the prairie could be heard. It was now pitch black with the fire completely out. The man sat in silence as he pondered what had just occurred. “Where’d she get off to?” he said to himself softly.
He felt a sharp pain on his arm and quickly looked down. He could see a large pool of blood underneath him. He rolled back his sleeves to reveal a freshly cut stub from where his right hand used to be. The man screamed wildly and fell to the ground, splashing the blood around him. He quickly bandaged the stub to stop the bleeding but the blood poured through the bandages as he applied them. He was starting to lose consciousness. The blood was now seeping out without a hitch. All the man could do was hold the stub and scream alone in the dark.

2
Molly Crabapple ran as fast as she could through the maze of trees and brush. She kept thinking about what she’d just done, how she had escaped the clutches of something so evil. She was happy, but knew she was not safe yet.
She was in a forest now, about 10 miles north of the camp. Molly had grown weak from the “magic trick” she had performed moments earlier. She was trying to find someone, anyone who could help her. It was so dark and she felt claustrophobic with so much dense foliage around, tree branches hitting her in the face as she ran. She knew she had to keep going, determined to get to safety. “Don’t stop” she kept telling herself. “Don’t stop.

“Supper’s ready” Mrs. Crabapple said, with a hint of sadness. The outlines of her eyes red from crying.
“Ok, I’m comin” her husband Mark said, getting up off his easy chair.
“Do you think we’ll ever get our little girl back?” she asked him, despair in her eyes and sadness in her voice.
“I don’t know hon, I really don’t know now.”
They both ate, awaiting any word on their missing daughter. Both thought the inevitable, but neither discussed it.

3
Jor Elan was ruthless. He’d take a job in a second, regardless of the morality behind it. He was a Trieg with no remorse or conscience. Kidnapping a little Earth girl would have made others think twice, but not Jor Elan. He was cold and wanting nothing more to finish another job.
As he lay there in a pool of his own blood he thought about how stupid he was. How he was naïve into thinking the girl wouldn’t have been able to control her powers and use them the way she did. He wouldn’t let it happen again.
He searched hurriedly through his bag to find more bandages and healing ointment for the stub. It was still bleeding through but it had stopped enough to where he could control it. He rested another moment and then picked up his communicator.
“Sam” he said softly into the comlink. No response, just static.
“Sam, are you there?” he said, louder this time. He could hear a slight rustle through the comlink and then, “J is that you?”.
“Yeah, looks like things just got a little more complex. The girl’s gone.”
“What?!” Sam said, sounding horrified. “How could that have happened J? You’re the best!”
“She knows how to use her powers. She’s more powerful than we thought. Someone must have been training her.” Jor grimaced in pain as he spoke. “Send a med team down here, I’m hurt pretty bad.”
“Hurt?” Sam said. “What happened?”
“I’ll tell you when I get back. Just send ‘em.”
Jor placed the comlink on the ground, closed his eyes and waited.

4
Molly was running. She had appeared in a forest that appeared to be miles from the camp. She hadn’t yet mastered her power of teleportation yet, the event would land her in a random place each time. Her teacher had told her enough to get this far, but she was kidnapped before she could learn anymore.
“Where am I?” she thought to herself. “I’ve got to find someone.”
She kept running, branches and foliage hitting her as she went. It was dark. The only light she had to guide her were the Salden’s two moons, shining on the horizon. She had traveled to a few worlds in her time, but none this far out in her system and none so alien. She heard cries in the dark, other worldly animals crying out in the night.
She kept running until she spotted what seemed to be a campfire up ahead. She slowed to a walk and crouched down, trying to be cautious in case whoever was there wasn’t friendly. She approached until she was within a few feet. She could see two beings. Neither was human. One was sitting by the fire grunting slowly and drawing something in the sand. The other was standing, almost as if keeping watch. The one standing was larger and had a weapon of some sort in his hand. It looked as if they were in the middle of a ritual. Molly was scared and didn’t know if she could trust them.
The two looked similar besides, of course, their size. The taller one had a crest around his head. It looked like a half moon. Molly thought it was beautiful. The rest of its features were human-like, it had two eyes, the nose where it should be and the mouth in the same place as a human’s. The smaller one’s crest was a bit larger but other than that had the same look. Each was of an orange hue, almost the color of the fire. Their skin looked rough, like a rhino’s. Molly felt she had to make a move. They might be the only beings around for miles.“It’s either them or the bad man at the camp now. I will put my faith in these two” she thought.
She waited for the smaller one to be done with the writing it was doing in the sand. The grunting stopped and it made a noise that sounded as if it was communicating to the other that it was finished. Molly saw her chance. She slowly got up and walked over to the camp.
“Hello,” she said with her hands to her sides, palms open. She tried to be as nonthreatening as possible. Both creatures quickly turned their heads to her. The larger one moved to an attack posture, showing his weapon and teeth, snarling. His eyes were fixed right on her. The other cowered behind the larger one, looking for protection but snarling just the same. “I need help, I’m not here to hurt you.” The larger one looked down at a device on his wrist, put it close to his head and looked at her. Molly could hear what sounded to be her voice being translated into their language. The creature seemed to change his posture and wasn’t as threatening. “Qua shanda itho” it said. Before Molly could even try to figure out what it was saying, she could hear another voice in her head. “What is it that you want, young one?” Molly started to worry but then thought back to her classes back home. There were some speicies in the galaxy that could transmit translations through telekinesis. She calmed herself and spoke. “I have escaped from a very bad man and I need help getting back home.” She was trembling a bit, all of a sudden realizing how far she was from her home and her family. The creatures kept their eyes on her, motionless. The voice came again “I see. I do not know you, but I am willing to help you leave this place.” The two seemed to relax a bit more and motioned off into the woods. “We are traveling back to our home, you may come with us. But you must stay confined until we know who you are and what you are doing here.” The voice hurt her head a bit, but she nodded and walked with them. They all walked through the forest to a clearning where there vessel was. It was a small vehicle, made for short travels along the planets surface. Molly could feel a warm sensation all around her as she entered the vehicle. “We have you in a containment shield until we fully trust you. But do not be alarmed, it is harmless,” the voice in her head said as the tall creature looked at her. There was just enough room for her to climb in the rear seat, the two sat in the front. She could feel the hum of the engines as they ignited and the vehicle instantly sped off.

hillwalker
01-07-2011, 12:32 PM
To be continued.....

I thought that was rather a neat place to stop actually, Keep the reader guessing.

It started a little slowly - with a list of labels describing the campfire. Each one tied separately to the story by its own ribbon rather than becoming part of the scene as a whole.

But once it got under way I was eager to read on.

My only quibble was the formatting. I'm not sure whether you posted this here from a normal pc/laptop or from a mobile phone.
If either of the former, then you need to make sure you begin a NEW paragraph each time the dialogue shifts from one speaker to the next. It's normal procedure and makes it easier for the reader to keep track of who said what.


"There isn't anyone else around, is there?" Molly Crabapple said with a huff.
"No one to save me". "Nope" a gruff voice said in response. "Hmm.
Too bad" she said, sarcastically.

reads more clearly when reparagraphed (is there such a word?)


"There isn't anyone else around, is there?" Molly Crabapple said with a huff. "No one to save me".
"Nope" a gruff voice said in response.
"Hmm. Too bad" she said, sarcastically.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do with this next

H

sweety
01-08-2011, 12:16 PM
A nice piece and I liked the style a lot. Cant wait to read what happens to the stub.

S

Logan1
01-08-2011, 11:57 PM
Thank you both for the replies. I reworked the first portion a bit and added a second part. I'm still working on the story as a whole, so I'll be adding more as I complete it.