JKEchelberry
01-03-2011, 03:25 AM
I wrote this essay for an assignment last fall, we were supposed to experience something out of our comfort zone. The instructor gave me fairly good feedback on it, but she was a very nice woman and I think she might lie to me. So I thought that some independent feedback would be benificial. Also this is my very first post. Hope you like it. Also some of the topics are of the adult nature so if you offend easy you might skip it.
Peace, Love and Lexus, a Look at the Modern Flower Child from the Eyes of a Social Conservative.
The first thing that I noticed upon arrival at the party my wife and I were attending at my in-laws this past weekend was a very large man with a bright red shirt on. The man appeared to be smoking a hand rolled cigarette that did honestly give off a very odd smell. What made this scenario comical to my wife and I was the topic of the shirt. The topic of course was “DARE to keep kids off Drugs”. After reading this and chuckling to myself I looked at my wife and said “at least he is doing his part”. My wife gave me a quizzical look and replied “his part for what”. I replied “to keep kids off of drugs”. My wife knowing me quite well, at this point she knew I was up to no good. She replied “just how is he doing his part to keep kids off of drugs?” I then said “Well he is obviously keeping them off drugs by consuming them himself”.
Honestly I don’t have any idea what he was smoking but I do know that is wasn’t a Marlboro. I have never used any type of recreational drug and probably wouldn’t know one if it jumped up and bit me on the backside. So the whole exchange with my wife isn’t really based on fact but does have a high probability of being factual.
Before we get too deep into this essay I think that a little background on me is probably in order. It will give you a much better idea of just how much attending a party at my in-laws really is a stretch for me.
I was raised in what you might consider a very restrictive and reserved household. You would think that it was a very religious upbringing but that wasn’t the case. Being a good conservative was much more important than what God had to say. My parents believed that any indulgence or living in excess was a very serious offense. Well I should rephrase that part, my mother would have been more than happy to have taken time to enjoy life but it just wasn’t worth the repercussions. Very little, almost no time was allowed for enjoyment or for recreation. It was only people that were lazy or had questionable morals that would have the audacity to go out and do something just because it was fun. These principles were applied to every facet of my home life when I was growing up. From clothing, what we had to eat, or the music I was allowed to listen to it was all with restraint. Any deviation from what was “proper” was met with scorn or punishment.
I’ll give you two examples about the type of fun loving fellow my dear father is. On my sixteenth birthday I received what every red blooded American teenager wants; a brand new, shiny, black D-cell flashlight. Yes you read right; a flashlight, gee thanks dad. My second example is the day before Halloween my mother celebrated her fifty-ninth birthday. To mark that momentous occasion my father planned a fun filled day at the sale barn buying bottle calves with a classy meal at the sale barn café consisting of a cheese burger and fries after. But no soda only coffee or water, because they just aren’t those kind of people. These weren’t plans he had made previously, these were special plans just for her birthday. So as you can tell my folks are real party animals.
The reason that this is important is that I need you to realize that I was raised to be judgmental and intolerant, anyone that looked at things different, talked different, or tried to enjoy life was just not a quality person. If you were different in any way from “us” there was just something wrong with you. Wow, this essay just enabled me to have a breakthrough, which is probably why with the exception of my wife I haven’t really ever connected with anyone. I’m also going to include a verbal exchange between my father and I concerning the recent political season. I had gotten off of work and as I usually do I stopped by for a cup of coffee and bull session with my father before taking the kids to school. I told my dad; “You know pop I watched the Sharon Angle Harry Reid debate last night and that Sharon Angle is a pretty smart gal, she kinda made Senator Reid look half dumb”. His reply was “I think that there are too damn many women trying to be in politics right now”. As I sat there dumbfounded I started looking for his caveman club to smack him with, but he must have had it put up because I couldn’t find it. So I just called him a commie and went home. I hope now you have an idea of what I was subjected to during my formative years.
Even with all the coldness and negativity I still think of my folks as decent parents. They were good providers, I never went hungry, or did without something that I needed. They instilled a very high work ethic, restraint, and what they perceived were high although flawed moral standards.
If I had to pick a polar opposite of my folks it would have to be my in-laws, whereas my parents worked because that’s what good people did, my in-laws only worked enough to indulge themselves. All of the decisions they made were made with considerations on how those decisions would impact their enjoyment. Unfortunately these decisions were made whether they had a positive or negative impact on their children. I’ve often thought that my wife is the woman she is in spite of her parents as opposed to because of her parents. For confirmation of this you would only have to look as far as my wife’s siblings, they are both just barely able to function in the world.
As my parents were preaching a message of prejudice and restraint, my wife and her siblings were receiving a message of acceptance of anyone and anything. Nothing was out of bounds or taboo, to say that it was a liberal household is a bit of an understatement. Restraint and self-control were something that was not important or even given minor consideration. That’s not to say that I think that my in-laws are bad people, just really bad parents. My in-laws are great to their friends and they have a very good relationship with my wife now that she is an adult.
I’ve honestly been successful in avoiding this situation for years, but here I was at a party at my in-laws. So even though I’ve grown a great deal in the past decade I’m still ashamed to say that I arrived with many preconceived notions.
After my initial enjoyment at the expense of red shirt guy my next shock was what was in the parking area. Old hippies are poor aren’t they? My father in-law is what you could easily refer to as a master craftsman. The things he does with wood, metal, or stone are amazing. He could easily have a very successful business but chooses not to because it would cut down on his recreation time. He works just enough to pay the bills and get by. This reinforced some of my notions of his “type”. I was always under the impression that being broke was most likely the first thing written in the hippie guide book, I just thought that it was a prerequisite to get into the union or something. Misconception number one had just been struck down. There were about twelve cars parked in the area. Not a one was a VW van; there were brand new pickups, Mercedes suv’s, a Land Rover, several Lexus’s, and even an Audi.
My wife has known most of these folks for years; she grew up with them and their children. All were new to me as I honestly don’t spend a great deal of time at my in-laws. It always seemed that my views on politics and society coupled with my gracious “no thanks” when asked to partake in the festivities made them a little nervous. I try to be conscious of people’s feelings so I have never really encouraged the relationship, although to be honest I was probably as uncomfortable as they were. Also their treatment of my wife throughout her childhood still generates a significant amount of animosity towards them.
The first guest that my wife introduced me to was an older gentleman that could only be described as a cross between Albus Dumbledore and the Marlboro Man. He also could have been a poster child for an AARP newsletter or pamphlet he seemed to be physically what any seventy year old would love to be. He walked tall and straight with no sign of stiff joints, his handshake felt like it had the strength of a steel trap. He just had that weathered look that only comes with knowledge, confidence and experience. He had a couple of feet of silver hair, a long and neatly trimmed beard, and kindly bright blue eyes. He was wearing faded denim jeans, an embroidered denim shirt, and old worn cowboy boots. In talking with this man and finding out a little about him I became more and more surprised. His views on politics and society mimicked my own. Our conversation was going very well until my biggest fear came to fruition, this man offered me a drag off of his “cigarette”, as I politely declined he shook his head. Then laughing he put his arm around me he said “That’s OK son ain’t nobody perfect”. This exchange still, as I am writing this essay remains hilarious. I mean, how could it be anything but funny, he’s seventy. I honestly could have spent the rest of the evening visiting with him but for the sake of the project I needed to mingle. I needed to see if this man was an anomaly or if he fit the mold of the other guests.
The next people that I met were two middle aged women. They were over in a corner by themselves “talking shop”. The two ladies shared careers, as they both held Masters Degrees in Education. They both taught at exclusive private high schools in the state and had for years. They were what you expect of a high school teacher, you honestly couldn’t tell from their speech, dress, or looks that they were any different from any high school teacher across the state. It was funny we all shared the exact same views on the public school system. Teachers are underpaid, tests should be anything but standardized, and if freaking property owners would commit to an extra thirty whole cents a day on their property taxes it could make a world of difference for today’s children.
I could go on and on about the types of people at this party. All of them it seemed were well educated, or creative, and known in their fields. Whether it was one of the premier custom jewelry designers in the Midwest, or a woman that holds a prominent position in a state agency, none of it was what I expected. One of the things that pleased me most to see was how they regarded their children, unlike my in-laws they were proud of their children and pleased to be parents. Their home life may have been vastly different than mine but their children it was obvious were loved, cherished and very well taken care of. They were able to live their lives just how they wanted to but kept the children at the forefront of their minds at all times. The night continued to go very well, but what surprised me the most is that I liked these people; they were bright, funny, intelligent and genuinely good people. My wife is still in shock at how easily my perpetual scowl was replaced with a small and then larger grin.
Earlier in the essay I alluded that my father-in-law was a master craftsman, now I will go in to more detail of why I think that. They have a beautiful natural stone sauna that he built from hand using large chunks of rock and odd salvaged parts. It really is a work of art. My wife and I had finished our circle and ended back up visiting with the older gentleman from the beginning of the evening. That is when things took a bit of an odd turn. I heard my father-in-law’s booming voice from up in the tree line next to where the Sauna is. He yelled “Sauna’s ready”. About that time the older gentleman with the kind eyes got naked, he completely stripped down right in front of us and headed up the hill, luckily it’s been a warm fall this year. As he was walking he stopped and turned around and said; “Well are you coming?” Which he knew we weren’t, or at least I hopped we weren’t, but it seems he was getting quite the kick out of aggravating me.
As I looked around my wife and I were the only ones left it seemed that had any cloths on. I am a nurse and have worked in nursing homes for years but the amount of wrinkles that I was witnessing was really starting to push the boundaries of even my comfort zone. This was the point that my lovely wife just about became a statistic. The harder she laughed at me the higher the probability of her becoming a statistic got. It seems that she knew that this scenario was inevitable and just thought that it would be hilarious to see my reaction. Have I mentioned before just how sweet a woman my dear wife is? If I have please disregard all that; it seems I had some bad intell, my wife it appears is very unsweet.
So after the initial shock of the all of nakedness and my severe embarrassment wore off my wife and I decided to be helpful and go start dishes from dinner. Because there was no way in hell I was getting naked and getting in that sauna with those odd smelling fumes coming out of that building. I mean a nice safe kitchen with nothing but dirty dishes sounded pretty good to me. About this time I was feeling pretty good; I had conquered a few fears, had met some great folks and learned a great deal. I was thinking all was good, the worst had passed. WRONG! My mother-in-law came down to the house to fetch me. You probably can’t fathom how glad I was that she had a robe on. She said that they needed my expertise and would I come and look at something, she also requested that I bring a flashlight. So with my anxiety level sky-rocketing and flashlight in hand I trudged up that hill to the sauna. If you have read many of my posts you probably know that I am a nurse and have been one for years, but unbeknownst to me at the time I was about to experience the most uncomfortable moment of my nursing career. Seriously it will haunt me until I die. So I arrived at the sauna with my “game face” in place and causally said “What’s up guys? “Jim, I need you to look at something”. “Sure, no problem”, was what I said but I was hoping that they had forgot what I did for a living and thought that I was a plumber or something, anything but a nurse. But unfortunately they hadn’t gotten confused about my vocation; so on a warm fall evening in a sauna, I got to look at a lesion on a man’s penis so I could give him my professional opinion on its origins. I’m not going to go into any more detail concerning that but I will say that the roar of laughter from the sauna could be heard over the blaring of Velvet Salmon’s rendition of “Painted Black”.
I’m confident that no one else got to stretch their culture quite that far, but realistically I hope to never have to again. The night continued to spiral into greater and greater amounts of indulgent behavior and what only could be described as debauchery.
I’ve often thought no good can come of a person that is a hillbilly but also a capable machinist. That’s how you end up with products like the gobbler guillotine, but I think an old hard partying flower child may be worse. I had never thought of strapping a blender onto a chainsaw motor to make a portable margarita machine, but trust me where there is a will there is a way. But the behavior was OK, everyone was an adult, my wife and I in our thirties were by far the youngest people there. Although I did feel like a few boxes of condoms should have been included on the pre-party shopping list.
The summarizing of this essay is quite clear. Did I meet some interesting people and experience what could be considered a great adventure? Did I learn anything and become more accepting of those that are different? Are you never too old to “glove up”? Does the phrase “Just cause it’s grey don’t mean it goes away” have new meaning for me? The answer to all of those questions is an absolute yes.
I read all the time; at least I did when I had time to read. I often will chose a book based on nothing at all; a book that may not have the dust jacket in place, one that I don’t have a clue as to what it is about. I didn’t judge those books based on the outside and am going to make an honest effort to treat new people the same way I treat those books. As a grand adventure, one that I might not enjoy or learn a single thing from, but the chance to find enjoyment or to learn something is worth the time spent finding out.
Peace, Love and Lexus, a Look at the Modern Flower Child from the Eyes of a Social Conservative.
The first thing that I noticed upon arrival at the party my wife and I were attending at my in-laws this past weekend was a very large man with a bright red shirt on. The man appeared to be smoking a hand rolled cigarette that did honestly give off a very odd smell. What made this scenario comical to my wife and I was the topic of the shirt. The topic of course was “DARE to keep kids off Drugs”. After reading this and chuckling to myself I looked at my wife and said “at least he is doing his part”. My wife gave me a quizzical look and replied “his part for what”. I replied “to keep kids off of drugs”. My wife knowing me quite well, at this point she knew I was up to no good. She replied “just how is he doing his part to keep kids off of drugs?” I then said “Well he is obviously keeping them off drugs by consuming them himself”.
Honestly I don’t have any idea what he was smoking but I do know that is wasn’t a Marlboro. I have never used any type of recreational drug and probably wouldn’t know one if it jumped up and bit me on the backside. So the whole exchange with my wife isn’t really based on fact but does have a high probability of being factual.
Before we get too deep into this essay I think that a little background on me is probably in order. It will give you a much better idea of just how much attending a party at my in-laws really is a stretch for me.
I was raised in what you might consider a very restrictive and reserved household. You would think that it was a very religious upbringing but that wasn’t the case. Being a good conservative was much more important than what God had to say. My parents believed that any indulgence or living in excess was a very serious offense. Well I should rephrase that part, my mother would have been more than happy to have taken time to enjoy life but it just wasn’t worth the repercussions. Very little, almost no time was allowed for enjoyment or for recreation. It was only people that were lazy or had questionable morals that would have the audacity to go out and do something just because it was fun. These principles were applied to every facet of my home life when I was growing up. From clothing, what we had to eat, or the music I was allowed to listen to it was all with restraint. Any deviation from what was “proper” was met with scorn or punishment.
I’ll give you two examples about the type of fun loving fellow my dear father is. On my sixteenth birthday I received what every red blooded American teenager wants; a brand new, shiny, black D-cell flashlight. Yes you read right; a flashlight, gee thanks dad. My second example is the day before Halloween my mother celebrated her fifty-ninth birthday. To mark that momentous occasion my father planned a fun filled day at the sale barn buying bottle calves with a classy meal at the sale barn café consisting of a cheese burger and fries after. But no soda only coffee or water, because they just aren’t those kind of people. These weren’t plans he had made previously, these were special plans just for her birthday. So as you can tell my folks are real party animals.
The reason that this is important is that I need you to realize that I was raised to be judgmental and intolerant, anyone that looked at things different, talked different, or tried to enjoy life was just not a quality person. If you were different in any way from “us” there was just something wrong with you. Wow, this essay just enabled me to have a breakthrough, which is probably why with the exception of my wife I haven’t really ever connected with anyone. I’m also going to include a verbal exchange between my father and I concerning the recent political season. I had gotten off of work and as I usually do I stopped by for a cup of coffee and bull session with my father before taking the kids to school. I told my dad; “You know pop I watched the Sharon Angle Harry Reid debate last night and that Sharon Angle is a pretty smart gal, she kinda made Senator Reid look half dumb”. His reply was “I think that there are too damn many women trying to be in politics right now”. As I sat there dumbfounded I started looking for his caveman club to smack him with, but he must have had it put up because I couldn’t find it. So I just called him a commie and went home. I hope now you have an idea of what I was subjected to during my formative years.
Even with all the coldness and negativity I still think of my folks as decent parents. They were good providers, I never went hungry, or did without something that I needed. They instilled a very high work ethic, restraint, and what they perceived were high although flawed moral standards.
If I had to pick a polar opposite of my folks it would have to be my in-laws, whereas my parents worked because that’s what good people did, my in-laws only worked enough to indulge themselves. All of the decisions they made were made with considerations on how those decisions would impact their enjoyment. Unfortunately these decisions were made whether they had a positive or negative impact on their children. I’ve often thought that my wife is the woman she is in spite of her parents as opposed to because of her parents. For confirmation of this you would only have to look as far as my wife’s siblings, they are both just barely able to function in the world.
As my parents were preaching a message of prejudice and restraint, my wife and her siblings were receiving a message of acceptance of anyone and anything. Nothing was out of bounds or taboo, to say that it was a liberal household is a bit of an understatement. Restraint and self-control were something that was not important or even given minor consideration. That’s not to say that I think that my in-laws are bad people, just really bad parents. My in-laws are great to their friends and they have a very good relationship with my wife now that she is an adult.
I’ve honestly been successful in avoiding this situation for years, but here I was at a party at my in-laws. So even though I’ve grown a great deal in the past decade I’m still ashamed to say that I arrived with many preconceived notions.
After my initial enjoyment at the expense of red shirt guy my next shock was what was in the parking area. Old hippies are poor aren’t they? My father in-law is what you could easily refer to as a master craftsman. The things he does with wood, metal, or stone are amazing. He could easily have a very successful business but chooses not to because it would cut down on his recreation time. He works just enough to pay the bills and get by. This reinforced some of my notions of his “type”. I was always under the impression that being broke was most likely the first thing written in the hippie guide book, I just thought that it was a prerequisite to get into the union or something. Misconception number one had just been struck down. There were about twelve cars parked in the area. Not a one was a VW van; there were brand new pickups, Mercedes suv’s, a Land Rover, several Lexus’s, and even an Audi.
My wife has known most of these folks for years; she grew up with them and their children. All were new to me as I honestly don’t spend a great deal of time at my in-laws. It always seemed that my views on politics and society coupled with my gracious “no thanks” when asked to partake in the festivities made them a little nervous. I try to be conscious of people’s feelings so I have never really encouraged the relationship, although to be honest I was probably as uncomfortable as they were. Also their treatment of my wife throughout her childhood still generates a significant amount of animosity towards them.
The first guest that my wife introduced me to was an older gentleman that could only be described as a cross between Albus Dumbledore and the Marlboro Man. He also could have been a poster child for an AARP newsletter or pamphlet he seemed to be physically what any seventy year old would love to be. He walked tall and straight with no sign of stiff joints, his handshake felt like it had the strength of a steel trap. He just had that weathered look that only comes with knowledge, confidence and experience. He had a couple of feet of silver hair, a long and neatly trimmed beard, and kindly bright blue eyes. He was wearing faded denim jeans, an embroidered denim shirt, and old worn cowboy boots. In talking with this man and finding out a little about him I became more and more surprised. His views on politics and society mimicked my own. Our conversation was going very well until my biggest fear came to fruition, this man offered me a drag off of his “cigarette”, as I politely declined he shook his head. Then laughing he put his arm around me he said “That’s OK son ain’t nobody perfect”. This exchange still, as I am writing this essay remains hilarious. I mean, how could it be anything but funny, he’s seventy. I honestly could have spent the rest of the evening visiting with him but for the sake of the project I needed to mingle. I needed to see if this man was an anomaly or if he fit the mold of the other guests.
The next people that I met were two middle aged women. They were over in a corner by themselves “talking shop”. The two ladies shared careers, as they both held Masters Degrees in Education. They both taught at exclusive private high schools in the state and had for years. They were what you expect of a high school teacher, you honestly couldn’t tell from their speech, dress, or looks that they were any different from any high school teacher across the state. It was funny we all shared the exact same views on the public school system. Teachers are underpaid, tests should be anything but standardized, and if freaking property owners would commit to an extra thirty whole cents a day on their property taxes it could make a world of difference for today’s children.
I could go on and on about the types of people at this party. All of them it seemed were well educated, or creative, and known in their fields. Whether it was one of the premier custom jewelry designers in the Midwest, or a woman that holds a prominent position in a state agency, none of it was what I expected. One of the things that pleased me most to see was how they regarded their children, unlike my in-laws they were proud of their children and pleased to be parents. Their home life may have been vastly different than mine but their children it was obvious were loved, cherished and very well taken care of. They were able to live their lives just how they wanted to but kept the children at the forefront of their minds at all times. The night continued to go very well, but what surprised me the most is that I liked these people; they were bright, funny, intelligent and genuinely good people. My wife is still in shock at how easily my perpetual scowl was replaced with a small and then larger grin.
Earlier in the essay I alluded that my father-in-law was a master craftsman, now I will go in to more detail of why I think that. They have a beautiful natural stone sauna that he built from hand using large chunks of rock and odd salvaged parts. It really is a work of art. My wife and I had finished our circle and ended back up visiting with the older gentleman from the beginning of the evening. That is when things took a bit of an odd turn. I heard my father-in-law’s booming voice from up in the tree line next to where the Sauna is. He yelled “Sauna’s ready”. About that time the older gentleman with the kind eyes got naked, he completely stripped down right in front of us and headed up the hill, luckily it’s been a warm fall this year. As he was walking he stopped and turned around and said; “Well are you coming?” Which he knew we weren’t, or at least I hopped we weren’t, but it seems he was getting quite the kick out of aggravating me.
As I looked around my wife and I were the only ones left it seemed that had any cloths on. I am a nurse and have worked in nursing homes for years but the amount of wrinkles that I was witnessing was really starting to push the boundaries of even my comfort zone. This was the point that my lovely wife just about became a statistic. The harder she laughed at me the higher the probability of her becoming a statistic got. It seems that she knew that this scenario was inevitable and just thought that it would be hilarious to see my reaction. Have I mentioned before just how sweet a woman my dear wife is? If I have please disregard all that; it seems I had some bad intell, my wife it appears is very unsweet.
So after the initial shock of the all of nakedness and my severe embarrassment wore off my wife and I decided to be helpful and go start dishes from dinner. Because there was no way in hell I was getting naked and getting in that sauna with those odd smelling fumes coming out of that building. I mean a nice safe kitchen with nothing but dirty dishes sounded pretty good to me. About this time I was feeling pretty good; I had conquered a few fears, had met some great folks and learned a great deal. I was thinking all was good, the worst had passed. WRONG! My mother-in-law came down to the house to fetch me. You probably can’t fathom how glad I was that she had a robe on. She said that they needed my expertise and would I come and look at something, she also requested that I bring a flashlight. So with my anxiety level sky-rocketing and flashlight in hand I trudged up that hill to the sauna. If you have read many of my posts you probably know that I am a nurse and have been one for years, but unbeknownst to me at the time I was about to experience the most uncomfortable moment of my nursing career. Seriously it will haunt me until I die. So I arrived at the sauna with my “game face” in place and causally said “What’s up guys? “Jim, I need you to look at something”. “Sure, no problem”, was what I said but I was hoping that they had forgot what I did for a living and thought that I was a plumber or something, anything but a nurse. But unfortunately they hadn’t gotten confused about my vocation; so on a warm fall evening in a sauna, I got to look at a lesion on a man’s penis so I could give him my professional opinion on its origins. I’m not going to go into any more detail concerning that but I will say that the roar of laughter from the sauna could be heard over the blaring of Velvet Salmon’s rendition of “Painted Black”.
I’m confident that no one else got to stretch their culture quite that far, but realistically I hope to never have to again. The night continued to spiral into greater and greater amounts of indulgent behavior and what only could be described as debauchery.
I’ve often thought no good can come of a person that is a hillbilly but also a capable machinist. That’s how you end up with products like the gobbler guillotine, but I think an old hard partying flower child may be worse. I had never thought of strapping a blender onto a chainsaw motor to make a portable margarita machine, but trust me where there is a will there is a way. But the behavior was OK, everyone was an adult, my wife and I in our thirties were by far the youngest people there. Although I did feel like a few boxes of condoms should have been included on the pre-party shopping list.
The summarizing of this essay is quite clear. Did I meet some interesting people and experience what could be considered a great adventure? Did I learn anything and become more accepting of those that are different? Are you never too old to “glove up”? Does the phrase “Just cause it’s grey don’t mean it goes away” have new meaning for me? The answer to all of those questions is an absolute yes.
I read all the time; at least I did when I had time to read. I often will chose a book based on nothing at all; a book that may not have the dust jacket in place, one that I don’t have a clue as to what it is about. I didn’t judge those books based on the outside and am going to make an honest effort to treat new people the same way I treat those books. As a grand adventure, one that I might not enjoy or learn a single thing from, but the chance to find enjoyment or to learn something is worth the time spent finding out.