Jack of Hearts
12-29-2010, 01:32 AM
Untitled Compositions 10 & 11
10
The father and son went to buy coffee, cocoa for the boy. I watched the father hand money away and say in pedagogy,"It's good to use it well." Spilt hot coffee all over my lap but it didn't seem appropriate to leap from the wooden park bench and make a fool of myself. Stayed still and let the morning ice over the wetness. It took a long time. I never realized what my left hand was doing.
I went to the library, mostly to escape December, which is a mother****er. Soft chairs made me more conscious of stiffness in my back, and I tried to use Bekker numbers well but stopped reading halfway through 1094a- deadened eyes started turning everything blurry in equal measure. Falling asleep, nothing doing, wrenched awake after I glimpsed my hand behaving erratically. By the time I had pulled it away from the table, it had worn the index fingernail down to a bloody nub and etched in the letter 'F.'
It was night and my body was tense. I was walking the streets between skyscrapers, passing men in business suits, men whi stayed late at the office, men a couple cups of coffee ago. Found the subway and I descended. The first step downward was sudden and seized my stomach. Alone, I hopped the ticker. Light flickered the walls "urine-stain" yellow, not much of which was visible beneath layered graffiti. When I came upon a mostly unused space, I took a can of aerosol paint from my coat. Nine cents fell out and then my pockets were empty. I sprayed the word "****" in large sprawling blackness.
11
She was allowed to know that she was not real- not, at least, in the traditional sense. But having been invented, she was allowed to think, having been invented did not allow her to feel any less real at all. And so she found herself in safe white place, a well cared for place where she was permitted to examine, at her leisure, old leather bound photo albums, memories of herself before some catalyst. In that way there two of her and the fainter one lingered in tangerine horror. Neither were permitted to understand anything more than once haunted.
10
The father and son went to buy coffee, cocoa for the boy. I watched the father hand money away and say in pedagogy,"It's good to use it well." Spilt hot coffee all over my lap but it didn't seem appropriate to leap from the wooden park bench and make a fool of myself. Stayed still and let the morning ice over the wetness. It took a long time. I never realized what my left hand was doing.
I went to the library, mostly to escape December, which is a mother****er. Soft chairs made me more conscious of stiffness in my back, and I tried to use Bekker numbers well but stopped reading halfway through 1094a- deadened eyes started turning everything blurry in equal measure. Falling asleep, nothing doing, wrenched awake after I glimpsed my hand behaving erratically. By the time I had pulled it away from the table, it had worn the index fingernail down to a bloody nub and etched in the letter 'F.'
It was night and my body was tense. I was walking the streets between skyscrapers, passing men in business suits, men whi stayed late at the office, men a couple cups of coffee ago. Found the subway and I descended. The first step downward was sudden and seized my stomach. Alone, I hopped the ticker. Light flickered the walls "urine-stain" yellow, not much of which was visible beneath layered graffiti. When I came upon a mostly unused space, I took a can of aerosol paint from my coat. Nine cents fell out and then my pockets were empty. I sprayed the word "****" in large sprawling blackness.
11
She was allowed to know that she was not real- not, at least, in the traditional sense. But having been invented, she was allowed to think, having been invented did not allow her to feel any less real at all. And so she found herself in safe white place, a well cared for place where she was permitted to examine, at her leisure, old leather bound photo albums, memories of herself before some catalyst. In that way there two of her and the fainter one lingered in tangerine horror. Neither were permitted to understand anything more than once haunted.