PDA

View Full Version : Silver Pond



kittypaws
12-27-2010, 02:11 AM
On thin blades
At Silver pond;
Lungs filled with cold,
Frosty breaths
Full moon
Glittering snow
Stillness
The glide
The flight
Sheer magic
of the moment.
Dancing on ice
Into the hollow of winter;
Alone on Silver pond
In the cold;
Becoming part of
The wind that
Moves me forward.
The spring of my being.
I dance with life
And hold it tight.

amanda curtis aka kittypaws

hillwalker
12-27-2010, 08:47 AM
This one I really like - the image of you skating on a frozen pond (presumably) is very well-drawn.

I can understand what you were trying to convey with the 'Me, myself and I' line but personally I would have resisted the temptation to include it as it draws the poem to a sudden stop. It might have been more effective if you had concentrated on continuing the motion of the piece, changing the 'Dance and escape' line slightly so it maintains the flow.

But that's me being picky - a great poem nonetheless.

H

ampoule
12-27-2010, 09:39 AM
Nice, Kitty. I especially liked the hollow of winter line.