Trek

[Delta40]

The sense of foreboding
looms like a cloud of flies
Yet laughter of the medicine kind
releases tension and joy.
It puffs swarms apart magically;
lightens dead weight
which hangs like
maggot infested corpses
in the emotional jungle
we stumble through.
Dodging crossfires of love
resentment and greed,
we finally reach the other side
to be embraced by the welcome arms
of an English country lane.

[Jerrybaldy]

First of all a good English country lane is a marvelous find :) More seriously it seemed a dark journey to get there and I am not sure that the emotional jungle you went through to get there would be worth the finest of lanes. I do of course have no idea what I am writing about, but I enjoyed your words as always Delta.

[Delta40]

does the edit help you?

[Jerrybaldy]

that is a whole new lane

[PrinceMyshkin]

I didn't see it before the edit but as it stands now it seems susceptible to the criticism JerryB made: most of it is so ominous and fetid that the


welcome arms
of an English country lane

seemed a very anti-climactic intruder...

[Delta40]

perhaps it is a reminder that we should appreciate what we have (the english lane) because compared with what we go through, it can be the most welcome sight going?

[hillwalker]

and some of us obviously have to go through a lot more to get there than others.....

I liked the opening 2 lines.
Not so sure about 'laughter of the medicine kind' (I know laughter is the best medicine - but I felt this line was a little clunky and out of place).
Similarly - maggot infested corpses/in the emotional jungle is a little melodramatic - particularly when most of the rest of this is really very subtle ('crossfires of love/resentment and greed' for example make the point much more forcefully).

This is me being hypercritical btw. If I hadn't enjoyed it I wouldn't have gone on so long.....

H

[Big Dante]

I enjoyed it very much but "maggot infested corpses" did not seem to fit in with the rest of the poem. Don't bother with my opinion though, if that's what you believe to fit in as the author then that's all that matters.

[Delta40]

thanks. maggot infested corpses are just not palatable these days....sigh

[Haunted]

Hold on! I like "maggot infested corpses", the "flies" and "swarms" built up to it. But I feel it might benefit from a more gradual transition to love and the English country lane which is lovely. "Crossfires of love / resentment and greed" is a great line.