Opening paragraphs of a short story I am starting. Feedback

[wlpalmer13]

There is an inherent difference in the way rain and snow fall to the earth. Rain is heavy, cumbersome, and domineering. It cascades to the earth with a splash that rivals the ferocity of death. It reminds us of the harsh nature of everyday life and the uneasy fact that even in this downpour of viciousness, life goes on. Snow on the other hand falls with a gracefulness. Snow whispers in your ear as you walk down the street, nostalgically taking you back to moments in your childhood that seems like dreams, the kind of dreams that no adult has because over the years they’ve been taught to know better. It has a fragility that lifts us up off the ground, if only for a moment, separating us from the cold pavement with an inch or two of hope.
It was raining in south Baltimore and Jason Hammond was humbly walking down the street in his pathetic attempt for a rain coat he had bought the summer before in an LA thrift store. What did LA really know about rain coats? It was clear when he bought it that he was not its first inhabitor. Several stains and tears told stories of winters long endured, but this gave Jason a since of connectedness. He was comforted by the sole fact that his rain coat had sheltered someone else through many hardships and by wearing it now Jason felt as though he was never alone.

[MANICHAEAN]

Extremely good. You grip from the beginning.

Especially liked: "the kind of dreams that no adult has because over the years they've been taught to know better"

You have got it. Now lets see you build on it!

Best regards
M.

[wlpalmer13]

I'm finding it hard to advance the story. I'll be in the flow of things but I will begin to talk about one minute detail for way too long and am worried that I will lose the reader. This is my first try at writing anything like this and being 19 I am still trying to find my style. I guess everyone goes through certain troubles, but any advice?

[hillwalker]

If you're concerned that you're going on too long about a particular detail, worry not - it still pays to write down everything that comes to mind. You can always trim and edit later (but what you can't do so easily is put yourself back in the moment when you first wrote it and attempt to add more).

Your style will sort itself out - let your subconscious tell you what to write and try to keep up with it. It's a bit like learning to ride a bicycle - if you think to hard about the actual physics and technique involved you are going to fall off,

If you get blocked (hit a wall in the story) either do something totally different to empty your mind (such as repotting some plants or knitting - not that I employ either method but I'm told they both work) - or take a blank piece of paper and write down the first thing that comes into your mind. Try to write without pause for ten minutes or so. This practice writing (it can be about anything) generally frees up those bits of seized-up plot before too long and it's also a good daily exercise - limbering up those creative muscles.

But the key is to enjoy what you are doing - if writing a particular essay or story is becoming a chore then that's nature's way of telling you to turn the page and start afresh.

H

[MANICHAEAN]

If you write like that when you are 19 and just starting, then you are off to a good start. For what it's worth, if you are struggling with a story, just walk away & let it germinate in the background. You might come back later and the foundation is there to really open it up. What is a writer's style? It must by definition be influenced by what he reads over the years and how he absorbs or appreciates it. Also from your own observations & how you interpret them. You obviously have an eye for detail. Now stand back occasionally and ask yourself what is the main theme you are trying to convey whether it be; passion, betrayal, evil whatever.
Good luck
M.

[Big Dante]

Very well written.
I'm in a similar situation to you, I'm sixteen and am now beginning to write and I understand what you mean about finding your style but I have liked what you have done so far.