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kittypaws
12-18-2010, 01:10 AM
The wind is blowing and the air is cold, snow dances around in the sky’s ballroom ….I had just gotten done poking the fire once more before retiring to rest. Zeus stood, stretched, yawned, and shook; another quiet Christmas Eve.

Then there was a knock at the front door. Zeus took off barking and I followed clenching my terry cloth robe around my bare body. I flipped on the front porch lite and peered through the sidelight, only to see a stranger, covered in snow staring down at his feet.

I called out “what do you want?”

And he answered, “To use your phone! My car has broken down and I need some help.”

I looked at Zeus and poised the question to him, “well….what do you think?”
I opened the door slightly. There you stood, a tall, handsome man on my front porch.

“May I borrow your phone, please?”
I saw you look at my hands tightly holding my robe about me.

“Wait there, I will get it” but before I could shut the door he replied…

”It is cold, windy and snowing…may I step inside?”

My heart raced and I felt my body becoming warm. Huh, what is this all about? Again I checked with Zeus and he looked more then prepared to guard me.

“Just for a minute, while I get the phone.” I said while opening the door.

Now Zeus kept the stranger at bay to the point that the stranger had backed into the corner. I returned with the phone. He made his call; a tow truck on the way. He was watching me and taking me in ~ so was I doing the same to him. What a stunning Man! So handsome, so attractive, so familiar…..why do I feel I know him; I thought almost out loud.

“You feel the same thing?” he asked which startled me.

“I know you, do I not?” He pressed on.

“I don’t think so, but you do seem very familiar. Kinda a dej’ue feeling.”
I smiled a silly grin, as I did not know what else to do.

“The Triple A tow truck will be here in about 20/30 minuets. You think you can pull your dog of me?”

“Well, maybe…I am alone here and need to be protected and he is perfect for the job.”

You looked into my eyes and I could sense you, I could tell that I knew you, from where I did not know…but I was sure.

“Zeus, oie day.” And the shepherd came and sat by me.

“Would you like a cup of tea or perhaps something else? The fire is burning out in the other room, but you are welcomed to come and sit and warm yourself.”

He moved with authority and an appointed posture….I was mesmerized, not only by his physique but the strong sense of knowing him... As I handed him the cup of tea he touched my hand and it was if fairies danced up my arm!

“Where are you from?” I questioned.

“England.” I took your short reply as a stand back to Zeus putting you in a corner.
“Where are you going?” I thought I would try one more time.
“Into my past.” He answered.

OK, I thought ~ exocentric! Let him go……but we got to talking, yet Zeus sat guard at my side not taking his eyes off of the stranger. We were talking for a while and then the tow truck driver rang the bell.

“Triple A here….you got a problem?” the driver asked as I held back Zeus at the door, still clenching my robe.

The stranger said “thank you….great dog! You are more then safe with him around.”

He started down the porch steps and then turned around.

“I am sure I know you and positive we will meet again. Merry Christmas!”

The stranger left with Triple A and his auto and I sat alone by the dwindling fire with Zeus by my side. “Ya know Pup; I think I just met my soul mate….. How did I leave him go?”

My heart heavy and empty. I rubbed Zeus and wiped the tears from my eyes and went off to bed.

kittypaws

MystyrMystyry
12-18-2010, 01:29 AM
Not bad Kitty!

You know if it was longer it could become a page turner, and page turners usually become best sellers.

The sudden sense of loss so soon after he 'promised' to meet you again, didn't quite fit with the building sense of hope - like you were unsure how to finish it so instead quickly added on a feeling of defeat that reflected your internal uncertainty.

That's why it seems that it wants to be longer, that it's telling us of the inevitabilty of another encounter, and another...

I could be wrong and you'd say that wasn't your intention at all, but I'm just saying that it's how it reads

Anyway, keep it up!

hillwalker
12-18-2010, 10:56 AM
I also hope there's more to come - it's like you pulled the rug from under our feet.

There is so much hingeing on the 'deja vu' element of the story that I feel you need to explore it and come up with something more substantial in the plot than just a feeling (otherwise it comes across as little more than some flakey daydream).

Get on the phone to Triple A, find out where they towed your soul-mate's truck, put on your snow shoes and go after him.

H :-)

Delta40
12-18-2010, 12:18 PM
I agree with all of the above. It's like you tempted us with a tray of sweets but snatched them away before we could grab one. I want to know if he is your soul mate or a psycho murderer that you happened to misjudge!

Steven Hunley
12-18-2010, 05:28 PM
Well, there's an expression. "I'm with them." It applies here. You need some sort of finish. You can have him be the ghost of an old departed lover by having him accidently leaving a sign behind. Or you could have him be the pycho-murdurer you just read about in the paper or were just going to read about in the paper. Explain he passed you up because you looked like his lover or something. But no matter what, give us more! Ths was good!

MystyrMystyry
12-18-2010, 06:55 PM
Hey, Steve, you just reminded me of a brilliant old WWII movie I hadn't seen in years.

She meets this soldier just before he goes to war, and he promises to return. Later he comes back for a brief leave and they spend the day together, he giving her a silver ring (memory's fuzzy, 'wear this and we'll always be together')

He leaves something else behind, so she goes to return it before he departs. The commanding officer looks at her strangely, says 'Yes, I know who you mean. He hasn't been back, and I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, be isn't coming back...'

Still gives me chills

kittypaws
12-19-2010, 10:53 PM
Well you all will not be disappointed as there is more...much more; two years worth of more and then some. I always write my best when I write from experience and that was real and it gets even more exocentric.

I am treading slowly as I am not sure what direction to go in next; I think I will start at the beginning and move with it as things happened.

I am hopeful I can count on you to give me guidance; actually I am counting on it!

Thank you each for your comments....
BTW ~
Happy Holidays!!

http://i801.photobucket.com/albums/yy299/kittypaws_jones/Holidays/3275144_h280.jpg


Kittypaws