The final Fear

[Deriath]

This is more of a poetic description of my first fight in the boxing ring. It is a frightening sport, but this isn’t a sport of animosity that many would portray it to be. It’s a man to man ideal; when I fight my opponents, I do see them as my greatest enemy, but after it’s all over, win or lose, I have a extremely natural respect for them. It’s just a feeling of knowing that we both had put our all into the sport with determination and prowess, not with simple head bashing madness. It’s a real sportsmanship that can be valued deeply from one opponent to another.




You stand at your corner with a calm poker face.
Your eyes darkened by the cold fluorescent lights in the ceiling.
The world you knew faded away long ago,
Only a dark smudge of a former reality is all that remains.

The blood in your veins couldn’t rush any faster,
And your heart couldn’t pound any harder.
You grip your hands into fists fastened in gloves
And loosen up as much as you can.
The time is near…

******
As the announcer presents the names,
And the referee negotiates the rules,
You touch gloves with your opponent.
Now all the formalities have been exhausted
You storm back to your corner.
You breath for the first time for what seems to be an eternity
And the air seems thicker than it was two minutes ago.
Your coach talks nonsense in your ears, you can only hear the loud hammer of your heart.
The time is near…
******
Now only silence as the arena lights grow dim
Your opponent.
Your nemesis!
For all you care ,he is the very devil himself
That stands in front of you ,guarding the only gate out.
The only way is through him.
The time is near…
******
The last moments have come,
Your mouth runs dry and tasteless,
and the final bitter anxiety touches your spine.
He looks stronger,
Trained better,
Better conditioned,
And Better prepared for the bout.
Prayer and luck are not the answer.
You cannot falter now,
He is the one who should be terrified.
The sound of a bell breaks the seemingly perpetual silence!
Gloves come up to the guard instantly
As you close the distance between you and your nemesis.
This is what you’ve trained for!
It is either you or him!
The time is now!

I’ve hoped to capture the feeling of adrenaline and anxiety in this and instill a bit of that into readers. Please express your views on this to the best extent as possible.

[hillwalker]

One senses the suspension of reality all around as you focus on the task ahead. That is probably the strongest feeling the reader gets.

I tend to think it would have been even more powerful if you had written from the first person perspective - addressing yourself as 'I' rather than 'you' - if only to clarify who your internal dialogue is aimed at.

Thefirst and last sections are by far the most effective. The first 5 lines of Verse 2 read more like prose rather poetry which tends to detract from the rest of it. But overall a successful attempt at conveying the emotions and tensions that precede a bout.

H

[Deriath]

I agree with you on the second verse, I was attempting to bring in more punctuation and end sentences to provide a better flow for the reader. As one of the people who viewed my last poem "pretend poetry" pointed out to me. I'm not exactly sure if switching from second to first person perspective would increase the tension, I'll rewrite it and see if there is a difference. To see that you feel that my attempt to convey the emotion was a success, gives me a motivation that progress was made. Thank you.

[Jerrybaldy]

Boxing and poetry aren't obvious bed partners and this drew me in.

I enjoyed it and it gave me a taste of your perspective. If you are going to rewrite I would suggest shortening and tightening and giving excess words a a good beating.
welcome to Litnet BTW
cheers
JerryB