Scheherazade
12-16-2010, 12:30 PM
:cheers2: Happy Birthday! :cheers2:
Do you know that you share your birthday with the likes of Beethoven, Jane Austen and Noel Coward? (http://www.astrotheme.com/qui_est_ne_ce_jour.php)
An interview with MarkBastable:
*Why are we doing this interview thing?*
Because Scheherezade asked me to, and I’m afraid of her.
*Are you sure you want to do this?*
I can't honestly say I gave it a second thought after the first thought, which was, "Oh, goodie - an excuse to talk about myself."
*So, how old are you?*
I’ll hit fifty-two on December 16th, 2010. Which, I have to say, is a complete surprise to me.
When my gran was in her sixties, she said, "I look in the mirror, an' I think, Who's that old bag? Coz inside, I feel just like I did when I was nineteen."
And I, a teenager at the time, thought, "Oh, come on - you can't do. You're old."
But I understand now what she meant, and I don't like it any more than she did.
*Given the option, what animal would you choose to be?*
I rather like spider monkeys. In isolation, they look like a disorganised and badly-designed mess of limbs – but when you see them doing what they were meant to do, you realise that they are precisely brilliant at it.
*If you had a personal theme song what would it be?*
Shame About Me by Steely Dan (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhIkjk1y4y4&feature=related)
*What makes you keep coming back?*
Is this a reincarnation question? I guess it must be that I was a first-rate spider monkey, but in the last few lives I’ve totally screwed up being a human being.
*Which countries have you visited?*
Off the top of my head - Holland, Germany, France, Belgium, Italy, Spain, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Sweden, Morocco, Egypt, Russia, USA. I may have missed a couple.
*How do you like your home town?*
My home town is London, which is huge and diverse, and it’s not possible to like all of it, though I do like most of it. I think London is like Shakespearean greatness – some are born to it, some achieve it and some have it thrust upon them. I was born to it, and I’m glad I was.
*If you could live somewhere different, where would it be and why?*
Amsterdam – where I lived for a couple of years. It’s architecturally, organisationally, culturally and liberally suited to my temperament and attitudes. And, no, that’s not because of the drugs and the Red Light District.
*Which languages do you speak?*
I studied Russian, French and Latin, but only the French is of the slightest use to me in conversation these days. I picked up quite a bit of Dutch living in Amsterdam, and that’d probably kick back in if I were immersed again for a few weeks.
*Do you have any pets?*
No. I used to have cats, but now I have furniture instead.
*What makes you happy?*
Family and solitude. It’s pretty difficult to get enough of either, and administratively impossible to get enough of both.
*Would you choose a desperate Hope or an unknown Faith?*
I don’t really understand the question. But only a sucker would express a view regarding an abstract that the questioner felt was so important that it should start with a capital letter.
*Do you feel comfortable in your walk with God/atheism? *
Totally. Though I have noticed on this walk that God seems to have a hard time keeping up.
*Which actor should play you in a movie based on your life?*
My wife would probably say Jeff Goldblum. I’d say me.
Who is your favourite Beatle?
If you judge by the work alone, I don’t think there’s anything to choose between John and Paul, and if I was pushed to name my ten favourite Beatles songs, I suspect that it’d come out an even split. But I’d choose McCartney. He gets a bad rap simply because he was less abrasive and witty than John, who gave great media – but Paul’s the better musician and, though less experimental, he’s just as inventive as the dead one.
*What makes you feel great about yourself?*
Coming up with a really good extended metaphor.
*How did you meet your significant other?*
In a waiting room at Moorfields Eye Hospital. It’s a very romantic story, but a bit long for this context.
*Who inspires you most?*
The glimpsed spectre of an older and unfulfilled me.
*What are you naturally good at? (Skills, abilities, gifts etc.)*
Understanding quickly.
*What is the one thing you must do before you die?*
You know that chick in Modern Family? The Columbian one? Her.
*If you had to teach something, what would you teach?*
Spelling.
*What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life?*
I’d like to have grandchildren. I think I’d be good at being a grandad.
*Do you have a tasty recipe for life that you could share for a reasonable price?*
When in doubt, add mushroom ketchup.
*What method do you cherish above all others, as means to improving your life?*
I’m not sure I have a method. I just think about things a lot.
*What one thing would you NEED to have on a deserted island if you didn't have to worry over food and water? *
Internet access.
*If you were a king/queen for a day, what would you do?*
If I were king for a day, I’d do away with poverty, prejudice and strife. I’d arrange state-funded education to degree level, and offer trade apprenticeships to those not interested in academia. I’d introduce universal social healthcare and I’d organise limitless provision for the elderly. I’d pour money into housing, transport and community amenities and I’d provide massive funding for the arts at a national and local level. I’d transform for the better the life of every single one of my subjects, even if it meant abolishing the monarchy of which I were the figurehead.
If, on the other hand, I were queen for a day, I’d stay home and play with my jugs.
*What song is in your head at the moment?*
Some Growing Up (http://www.last.fm/music/Zootime/Vinyl/Some+Growing+Up) - Zootime
*Which book are you reading at the moment?*
Biff and the Lost Cat, with my daughter Grace, 6.
*What is your favourite quote?*
I may not agree with what you say, but I shall defend to the death my right to make fun of it. Charles de Russon
*Favorite poem?*
Musée de Beaux Arts – WHAuden, or Punch on the Boule’Mich by David Harsent
*First novel you remember reading on your own?*
When I was about nine, I acquired an ancient hardback of which the cover was originally deep red but which had faded to a sort of mellow, foxed pink. Emblazoned upon it in scraped-off gold letters were the tantalising words:
The Mystery Message
It was a 1930s English gung-ho yarn about a middle-class schoolboy and his working-class sidekick who pursue dastardly foreign types along the Amazon in search of Inca treasure. They end up saving the Empire from some sort of fearful unBritish conspiracy that probably involves sauerkraut, soft cheese and bidets. From this book I took an abiding distrust of anacondas. And, of course, foreigners.
*Which Forum members would you like to meet in person?*
Brian Bean, because I need to be convinced that I didn’t just invent him as the fulcrum of plot in a comic short story.
*Last words you said out loud?*
“Gallagher. G-A-L-L-A-G-H-E-R”
*Last person you hugged/kissed?*
Some girl called Brandi. Well, she said she was called Brandi. I think it might have been a nom-de-pole.
*What do you do (for a living) to be able to keep your LitNet addiction going? And are you happy with your chosen profession?*
I am a director of a Management Consultancy providing operational and support services in the field of Oracle ERP Applications technology, working with SME and blue-chip clients across multiple verticals and in several donut pollyanna fledgling hegemony quanticks don’t worry about the gibberish, Scheh, no-one will read this far into the paragraph.
*Would you rather be an educated fool or an ignorant fool?*
At this late stage, does it really matter?
*What would you like to be if you could change your profession?*
A hotel critic.
*Which one of the seven dwarves are you and why?*
You’re talking here about the Disney version, aren’t you? I loathe early Disney, and I can’t bring myself to check out the names of the dwarves in order to answer the question. On the other hand, when you have small children, you do end up watching a lot of films over and over again – which led me to an interesting observation concerning Cinderella, which I've expounded here before but which deserves a wider exposition.
When Cinderella wakes up and readies herself for a day of servitude, all the animals and birds - comedy mice and what appear to be psychedelic sparrows - lay out her clothes and make her bed and hand her a towel when she steps out of the shower. And I've noticed that, although these anthropomorphic sprites prepare a shabby dress and a patched-up blouse and a tired apron for our put-upon heroine, there's no sign of underwear. None at all. Which raises the slightly disturbing (though cheerful) possibility that right the way through the movie Cinderella's going commando.
I've always thought it a little implausible that the Prince - who has resisted romantic commitment so long and so successfully - should become utterly obsessed with Cinderella on so brief an acquaintance. However, one is now intrigued to know what he may have seen reflected in those glass slippers.
*What is your most outstanding feature?*
Intellectual curiosity.
*If you could change one thing about the way you look, what would that be?*
I’d like to look twenty-six again. And I’d like to achieve that by being twenty-six again.
*Which book do you wish you had written?*
A Christmas Carol.
*What should you be doing at the moment instead of answering these questions?*
Nothing. I put aside time to do this.
*Describe your ideal day, please.*
That would be a day involving Arsenal winning the European Cup, me getting the Man-Booker prize, the kids all having a lovely time doing whatever it is they want to do, my parents and siblings and their offspring coming round for a barbecue, a long warm evening in the garden and, when everyone’s gone home at dawn, absurdly imaginative sex followed by deep, dreamful sleep. C'mon - you asked for ideal, and anything less than all that would not be.
*Favorite movie?*
Probably Alistair Sim’s Christmas Carol, but I have a guilty soft spot for The Railway Children.
*Last movie you watched?
Dunno. I think it had Hannah Montana in it.
*Favorite painting?*
Picasso’s Demoiselles d’Avignon (http://smarthistory.org/assets/images/images/avignon.jpg)
Bowie, yay or nay?
Both, depending on his eras and my moods.
*Wonderful Superman or depressing Batman?*
What’s depressing about Batman? Of the two, the latter. But I’d go for the angsty, insecure, metaphysically-racked Spiderman, given the choice.
*Something you want to forget but you never can?*
The prospect of death. No, really. I think about death every day. And, actually, now you ask, I don’t want to forget it. I think that the realisation of mortality helps me to enjoy life.
If you could relive one moment in your life whenever you wanted to, what would it be?
I wrote a story about this. It’s here (http://www.bewilderingstories.com/issue348/flickbook1.html).
What was the best thing that happened to you during this year?
A holiday in France with my extended family.
*If you could send one thing to the Room 101, one would that be?*
Chaflon. It’s a synthetic fabric that’s apparently good for nothing other than being made into the label-tags sewn immovably into the neck of shirts and t-shirts, which go sort of crisp the first time you put them through the washing machine, and which then itch you so maddeningly that you have to either tear them out with your bare hands, or try to excise them with small scissors, but in either case you end up making a ragged hole that subsequently gets bigger and bigger with wear until you have to chuck away the whole garment only ten weeks after you bought it.
*Are you mostly happy with life or are you still in pursuit?*
Both.
*Which care bear are you and why?*
Even a facetious and obscene answer would dignify the question.
Tell us something scandalous about yourself.
I’m not sure there is anything. Er. I have terrific legs that look great in fishnet stockings.
*How long did it take you to answer all of these questions?*
Fifty-two years so far.
*One final word of wisdom for LitNet users?*
There is no idea so sacred that it should be protected from constant, rigorous examination.
*What question would you like to ask to the person to be interviewed after you?
How are you going to pick just one favourite painting?
Do you know that you share your birthday with the likes of Beethoven, Jane Austen and Noel Coward? (http://www.astrotheme.com/qui_est_ne_ce_jour.php)
An interview with MarkBastable:
*Why are we doing this interview thing?*
Because Scheherezade asked me to, and I’m afraid of her.
*Are you sure you want to do this?*
I can't honestly say I gave it a second thought after the first thought, which was, "Oh, goodie - an excuse to talk about myself."
*So, how old are you?*
I’ll hit fifty-two on December 16th, 2010. Which, I have to say, is a complete surprise to me.
When my gran was in her sixties, she said, "I look in the mirror, an' I think, Who's that old bag? Coz inside, I feel just like I did when I was nineteen."
And I, a teenager at the time, thought, "Oh, come on - you can't do. You're old."
But I understand now what she meant, and I don't like it any more than she did.
*Given the option, what animal would you choose to be?*
I rather like spider monkeys. In isolation, they look like a disorganised and badly-designed mess of limbs – but when you see them doing what they were meant to do, you realise that they are precisely brilliant at it.
*If you had a personal theme song what would it be?*
Shame About Me by Steely Dan (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhIkjk1y4y4&feature=related)
*What makes you keep coming back?*
Is this a reincarnation question? I guess it must be that I was a first-rate spider monkey, but in the last few lives I’ve totally screwed up being a human being.
*Which countries have you visited?*
Off the top of my head - Holland, Germany, France, Belgium, Italy, Spain, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Sweden, Morocco, Egypt, Russia, USA. I may have missed a couple.
*How do you like your home town?*
My home town is London, which is huge and diverse, and it’s not possible to like all of it, though I do like most of it. I think London is like Shakespearean greatness – some are born to it, some achieve it and some have it thrust upon them. I was born to it, and I’m glad I was.
*If you could live somewhere different, where would it be and why?*
Amsterdam – where I lived for a couple of years. It’s architecturally, organisationally, culturally and liberally suited to my temperament and attitudes. And, no, that’s not because of the drugs and the Red Light District.
*Which languages do you speak?*
I studied Russian, French and Latin, but only the French is of the slightest use to me in conversation these days. I picked up quite a bit of Dutch living in Amsterdam, and that’d probably kick back in if I were immersed again for a few weeks.
*Do you have any pets?*
No. I used to have cats, but now I have furniture instead.
*What makes you happy?*
Family and solitude. It’s pretty difficult to get enough of either, and administratively impossible to get enough of both.
*Would you choose a desperate Hope or an unknown Faith?*
I don’t really understand the question. But only a sucker would express a view regarding an abstract that the questioner felt was so important that it should start with a capital letter.
*Do you feel comfortable in your walk with God/atheism? *
Totally. Though I have noticed on this walk that God seems to have a hard time keeping up.
*Which actor should play you in a movie based on your life?*
My wife would probably say Jeff Goldblum. I’d say me.
Who is your favourite Beatle?
If you judge by the work alone, I don’t think there’s anything to choose between John and Paul, and if I was pushed to name my ten favourite Beatles songs, I suspect that it’d come out an even split. But I’d choose McCartney. He gets a bad rap simply because he was less abrasive and witty than John, who gave great media – but Paul’s the better musician and, though less experimental, he’s just as inventive as the dead one.
*What makes you feel great about yourself?*
Coming up with a really good extended metaphor.
*How did you meet your significant other?*
In a waiting room at Moorfields Eye Hospital. It’s a very romantic story, but a bit long for this context.
*Who inspires you most?*
The glimpsed spectre of an older and unfulfilled me.
*What are you naturally good at? (Skills, abilities, gifts etc.)*
Understanding quickly.
*What is the one thing you must do before you die?*
You know that chick in Modern Family? The Columbian one? Her.
*If you had to teach something, what would you teach?*
Spelling.
*What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life?*
I’d like to have grandchildren. I think I’d be good at being a grandad.
*Do you have a tasty recipe for life that you could share for a reasonable price?*
When in doubt, add mushroom ketchup.
*What method do you cherish above all others, as means to improving your life?*
I’m not sure I have a method. I just think about things a lot.
*What one thing would you NEED to have on a deserted island if you didn't have to worry over food and water? *
Internet access.
*If you were a king/queen for a day, what would you do?*
If I were king for a day, I’d do away with poverty, prejudice and strife. I’d arrange state-funded education to degree level, and offer trade apprenticeships to those not interested in academia. I’d introduce universal social healthcare and I’d organise limitless provision for the elderly. I’d pour money into housing, transport and community amenities and I’d provide massive funding for the arts at a national and local level. I’d transform for the better the life of every single one of my subjects, even if it meant abolishing the monarchy of which I were the figurehead.
If, on the other hand, I were queen for a day, I’d stay home and play with my jugs.
*What song is in your head at the moment?*
Some Growing Up (http://www.last.fm/music/Zootime/Vinyl/Some+Growing+Up) - Zootime
*Which book are you reading at the moment?*
Biff and the Lost Cat, with my daughter Grace, 6.
*What is your favourite quote?*
I may not agree with what you say, but I shall defend to the death my right to make fun of it. Charles de Russon
*Favorite poem?*
Musée de Beaux Arts – WHAuden, or Punch on the Boule’Mich by David Harsent
*First novel you remember reading on your own?*
When I was about nine, I acquired an ancient hardback of which the cover was originally deep red but which had faded to a sort of mellow, foxed pink. Emblazoned upon it in scraped-off gold letters were the tantalising words:
The Mystery Message
It was a 1930s English gung-ho yarn about a middle-class schoolboy and his working-class sidekick who pursue dastardly foreign types along the Amazon in search of Inca treasure. They end up saving the Empire from some sort of fearful unBritish conspiracy that probably involves sauerkraut, soft cheese and bidets. From this book I took an abiding distrust of anacondas. And, of course, foreigners.
*Which Forum members would you like to meet in person?*
Brian Bean, because I need to be convinced that I didn’t just invent him as the fulcrum of plot in a comic short story.
*Last words you said out loud?*
“Gallagher. G-A-L-L-A-G-H-E-R”
*Last person you hugged/kissed?*
Some girl called Brandi. Well, she said she was called Brandi. I think it might have been a nom-de-pole.
*What do you do (for a living) to be able to keep your LitNet addiction going? And are you happy with your chosen profession?*
I am a director of a Management Consultancy providing operational and support services in the field of Oracle ERP Applications technology, working with SME and blue-chip clients across multiple verticals and in several donut pollyanna fledgling hegemony quanticks don’t worry about the gibberish, Scheh, no-one will read this far into the paragraph.
*Would you rather be an educated fool or an ignorant fool?*
At this late stage, does it really matter?
*What would you like to be if you could change your profession?*
A hotel critic.
*Which one of the seven dwarves are you and why?*
You’re talking here about the Disney version, aren’t you? I loathe early Disney, and I can’t bring myself to check out the names of the dwarves in order to answer the question. On the other hand, when you have small children, you do end up watching a lot of films over and over again – which led me to an interesting observation concerning Cinderella, which I've expounded here before but which deserves a wider exposition.
When Cinderella wakes up and readies herself for a day of servitude, all the animals and birds - comedy mice and what appear to be psychedelic sparrows - lay out her clothes and make her bed and hand her a towel when she steps out of the shower. And I've noticed that, although these anthropomorphic sprites prepare a shabby dress and a patched-up blouse and a tired apron for our put-upon heroine, there's no sign of underwear. None at all. Which raises the slightly disturbing (though cheerful) possibility that right the way through the movie Cinderella's going commando.
I've always thought it a little implausible that the Prince - who has resisted romantic commitment so long and so successfully - should become utterly obsessed with Cinderella on so brief an acquaintance. However, one is now intrigued to know what he may have seen reflected in those glass slippers.
*What is your most outstanding feature?*
Intellectual curiosity.
*If you could change one thing about the way you look, what would that be?*
I’d like to look twenty-six again. And I’d like to achieve that by being twenty-six again.
*Which book do you wish you had written?*
A Christmas Carol.
*What should you be doing at the moment instead of answering these questions?*
Nothing. I put aside time to do this.
*Describe your ideal day, please.*
That would be a day involving Arsenal winning the European Cup, me getting the Man-Booker prize, the kids all having a lovely time doing whatever it is they want to do, my parents and siblings and their offspring coming round for a barbecue, a long warm evening in the garden and, when everyone’s gone home at dawn, absurdly imaginative sex followed by deep, dreamful sleep. C'mon - you asked for ideal, and anything less than all that would not be.
*Favorite movie?*
Probably Alistair Sim’s Christmas Carol, but I have a guilty soft spot for The Railway Children.
*Last movie you watched?
Dunno. I think it had Hannah Montana in it.
*Favorite painting?*
Picasso’s Demoiselles d’Avignon (http://smarthistory.org/assets/images/images/avignon.jpg)
Bowie, yay or nay?
Both, depending on his eras and my moods.
*Wonderful Superman or depressing Batman?*
What’s depressing about Batman? Of the two, the latter. But I’d go for the angsty, insecure, metaphysically-racked Spiderman, given the choice.
*Something you want to forget but you never can?*
The prospect of death. No, really. I think about death every day. And, actually, now you ask, I don’t want to forget it. I think that the realisation of mortality helps me to enjoy life.
If you could relive one moment in your life whenever you wanted to, what would it be?
I wrote a story about this. It’s here (http://www.bewilderingstories.com/issue348/flickbook1.html).
What was the best thing that happened to you during this year?
A holiday in France with my extended family.
*If you could send one thing to the Room 101, one would that be?*
Chaflon. It’s a synthetic fabric that’s apparently good for nothing other than being made into the label-tags sewn immovably into the neck of shirts and t-shirts, which go sort of crisp the first time you put them through the washing machine, and which then itch you so maddeningly that you have to either tear them out with your bare hands, or try to excise them with small scissors, but in either case you end up making a ragged hole that subsequently gets bigger and bigger with wear until you have to chuck away the whole garment only ten weeks after you bought it.
*Are you mostly happy with life or are you still in pursuit?*
Both.
*Which care bear are you and why?*
Even a facetious and obscene answer would dignify the question.
Tell us something scandalous about yourself.
I’m not sure there is anything. Er. I have terrific legs that look great in fishnet stockings.
*How long did it take you to answer all of these questions?*
Fifty-two years so far.
*One final word of wisdom for LitNet users?*
There is no idea so sacred that it should be protected from constant, rigorous examination.
*What question would you like to ask to the person to be interviewed after you?
How are you going to pick just one favourite painting?