introduction of short story

[ms5801a]

i started an introduction for a short story, and while i was writing it i realized that i havent really thought of a concrete plot yet. i dont really write stories often, so i just wanted some feedback on the introduction. and maybe some ideas on where to take the rest of the story.
thanks.
Dying at 20 is ****. It’s not about hearing all the parents, aunts, and teachers talk about my potential, how I was so smart, I was just going places and all that. The worst part is the fact that that everyone thinks you were ****ed up when it happened. Every time I got a new facebook group invite or whatever with a RIP in the title, I just figured the vikes got to him. Maybe it was the coke, or the Xanax or whatever. If you were a teen who just liked to get high, you probably just overdosed.
**** that. That’s not true at all. It was just me in this car. I was just trying to drive home from school, and it was 4 in the morning, and the guy in the other car got sleepy on the wheel. Nobody was ****ed up. I mean it was ****ed up to be driving and sleeping, but besides that nobody took anything. Now I’m sitting in a coffin staring out at my mom and dad crying. God this is awkward. The scientist found THC in me, and that’s why mom and dad are extra mad. Like weed could kill anyone. Is it bad that that’s the part that makes me feel the worst? The fact that my parents found out that I like to get high? I worked so hard to keep them from that, I always had the towel under the door, I kept the bud deep down my underwear drawer. I kept my GPA at school up, and I made sure to get that internship. Nobody in the family would’ve guessed how I loved to get high. And I almost would’ve gotten away with it, except for that bastard that ran me off the road.

[MANICHAEAN]

ms5801a

You let the story flow out, which some people find difficult to do. They have to have a thought provoking first sentence, a plot & an ending before they even get the first word on paper. I work like you do. Get it all out as a draft and then I would suggest start chewing it over & cutting it up. You seem to be writing from first hand experience of the subject matter which is also invaluable. Helps capture the related emotions.

I would not even worry about it being an "Introduction" although there is rich material there for exploring related themes & expanding.

Critique? Read it before you post it. "I" instead of "i" for example. The **** I've got no problem with, but you might try inventing some new ones. Its always an interesting exercise!

Regards
M.

[hillwalker]

Part of the enjoyment of writing a story is not knowing where it will lead you. You say you have no concrete plot in mind - but you do have the skeleton in place. All it needs is a little more flesh on the bones then see where the main character leads you.

I was curious as to why someone was driving home from school at 4 in the morning. Perhaps that's an issue that can be explored further. The narrator successfully hid his slacker lifestyle from his parents. Is he also trying to keep certain delicate matters from the reader?
Are there any other private parts of his life that are going to be exposed? Those X-rated photographs on his laptop? The two girls he was cheating on at the same time? This story can go off in a number of directions - but, of course, how it all ends needs to be thought out quite carefully so the reader doesn't feel cheated.

Have fun

H

[YRKB]

i started an introduction for a short story, and while i was writing it i realized that i havent really thought of a concrete plot yet. i dont really write stories often, so i just wanted some feedback on the introduction. and maybe some ideas on where to take the rest of the story.
thanks.
Dying at 20 is ****. It’s not about hearing all the parents, aunts, and teachers talk about my potential, how I was so smart, I was just going places and all that. The worst part is the fact that that everyone thinks you were ****ed up when it happened. Every time I got a new facebook group invite or whatever with a RIP in the title, I just figured the vikes got to him. Maybe it was the coke, or the Xanax or whatever. If you were a teen who just liked to get high, you probably just overdosed.
**** that. That’s not true at all. It was just me in this car. I was just trying to drive home from school, and it was 4 in the morning, and the guy in the other car got sleepy on the wheel. Nobody was ****ed up. I mean it was ****ed up to be driving and sleeping, but besides that nobody took anything. Now I’m sitting in a coffin staring out at my mom and dad crying. God this is awkward. The scientist found THC in me, and that’s why mom and dad are extra mad. Like weed could kill anyone. Is it bad that that’s the part that makes me feel the worst? The fact that my parents found out that I like to get high? I worked so hard to keep them from that, I always had the towel under the door, I kept the bud deep down my underwear drawer. I kept my GPA at school up, and I made sure to get that internship. Nobody in the family would’ve guessed how I loved to get high. And I almost would’ve gotten away with it, except for that bastard that ran me off the road.

I think what comes across quite quickly is a certain likeability and humorous streak to this character - as a writer, you've used the narrative voice - and the persona within it so to speak - to highlight some pretty profound issues, but deliver them in quite a lighthearted, zesty way.

It doesn't feel 'heavy' - it seems like quite a character oriented piece and perhaps satirical in some way. I'm not sure if that's the direction you want to go in with the plot, or if that's even the style you wanted to come across - i read it in that way.

As an introduction it tells me I can expect a sense of character (despite the character being dead - quite a topical USP I suppose) growth with some amusing analysis and situations along the way.

:)