The First Circle

[Revolte]

Everyone wants sex and so I
but I keep my affections somewhere in my mind
so I never forget what passion is
and when the time comes I find someone to love with
something more powerful then sweat and deep breathes
I'll erase those things that kept me in lust,
but for the time being I'll kiss the sky
and sky rocket into the other part of my desires,
and let skin and bones be all I know.

[Hawkman]

Hi revolte there are some great lines in here. I particularly like the last three lines, quite brilliant IMHO.

However, your missing a do from line 1 and breathes should be breaths in line 5, oh, and you really need some punctuation. Apart from that, great poem.

Live long and prosper. H

[hillwalker]

I have the same habit..... punctuation abuse.

As for the poem, I agree with Hawk. In fact I think it would read better if lines 3 to 6 were removed completely (as well as the 'but' opening line 7). The ending is so strong that you don't need the distractions of 'that special someone' entering the circle.

H

[blank|verse]

... of Dante's Hell?

This is certainly the expression of a tortured soul, if only metaphorically. Nice work, Revolte.