breathe

[mpdague]

inhale
scent of
multiverse blooming,
spring a multiplicity
across dimensions

exhale
wonder of a
child, immersed again
within pools of
sparkling innocence

inhale
fragrant flowers
delicate
in full supplication,
sun rising glorious

exhale
peace in a
silvern meadow,
brushed in
shades of viridian,
dreaming lavender zen

inhale
sweet majesty of
love, splashed rainbow
across sculpted
cerulean sky,
scintillating

exhale
contentment
with my place in time
purpose known
accepted
like rain,
essential for life



© 2008

[hillwalker]

A soothing read - and an original use of alternate verses to symbolize meditation and contemplation.

H

[Transmodernism]

To me, stanzas 4 and 6 were the strongest. The diction of 4 is creative and interesting, as was the "brushing" metaphor.

Now for the constructive criticism part. Stanza 3 has two issues that I don't quite get. I'm having trouble with the "cerulean sky" being "sculpted," because sculpture implies a three-dimensional object, whereas the sky is a soft space. Even if the sky was a solid firmament as the ancients thought, it still wouldn't be particularly sculptable. But that's just my thought.

[mpdague]

A soothing read - and an original use of alternate verses to symbolize meditation and contemplation.

H



Thank you kindly hillwalker, I was aiming for a meditative quality.......:smile5:

[mpdague]

To me, stanzas 4 and 6 were the strongest. The diction of 4 is creative and interesting, as was the "brushing" metaphor.

Now for the constructive criticism part. Stanza 3 has two issues that I don't quite get. I'm having trouble with the "cerulean sky" being "sculpted," because sculpture implies a three-dimensional object, whereas the sky is a soft space. Even if the sky was a solid firmament as the ancients thought, it still wouldn't be particularly sculptable. But that's just my thought.



I appreciate your enjoyment and critique Transmodernism, your thoughts on the use of "sculpted" have me rethinking stanza five. Thank you.

[yuka]

i smell the meditative fragrance of a meditator.:)

[mpdague]

i smell the meditative fragrance of a meditator.:)



Not quite the meditator yet, but someday...........thank you for the read and comment Yuka...........:smile5:

[hillwalker]

When I read 'sculpted' I was immediately put in mind of cloud formations in the sky - if that was your intention then I see no need to change.

H

[mpdague]

thanks for the second glance H, I think clouds were in my mind when this was originally written down, but not 100% sure after 2 years of it sitting in a folder