Maria, My Lover

[Jack of Hearts]

When the stars turn their gaze from earth
and flirt with the other end of the universe,
you come tapping on my window
bright and unashamed.

Your face presses pale cold against the glass.
Mine, sleep-wanting, bats heavy eyelashes.
Spiteful me ought to draw the blinds-
some nights you don't show
and you are almost always gone by morning.

But we are fierce, you and I,
in our living,
in our way of shining so.
In this way,
we are fierce competitors;

I have loved stranger things.
Have you?

[Hawkman]

Hi Jack,

On initial reading I thought this was a really great poem, just for the flow and imagery. but when I paid attention to what the words were saying I became confused.

You open with, "When the stars turn their gaze from earth" which would seem to be a lovely way of saying morning. but in S2 L4 you say, "Some nights you don't show/and you are almost always gone by morning."

The way S1 is worded it gives the impression that the tapping on the window at daybreak is a regular occurance, but S2 says it is unusual. The contradiction is distracting to this reader and I'm afraid it spoils the poem a bit.

Best H

[PrinceMyshkin]

I don't see the things Hawkman points out as contradictions but do share his enthusiasm for the rest of this poem, for its directness.

[firefangled]

I like this poem for its mystery, but I do want to be able to understand who is this fierce lover. As I read I think the moon or sun, but it is confusing by way of when the visits occur.

Part of me wants to dismiss this ambiguity in favor of the rest of the poem. The problem with this is that you paint a somewhat haunting (in a good way) image that carries with it the ambuguity.

[hillwalker]

The ambiguity isn't that distracting - I took Maria to be the personification of the moon; its phases resulting in certain nights when she fails to show her face.
And the closing couplet suggests a hint of lunacy (perhaps a werewolf's love message?).

H

[Lumiere]

Liked this a lot, Jack.
I have no analytical bits to offer - in fact, I'd rather not think of this poem in analytical bits because I like it.

[jajdude]

Nice one Jack.