My Fairy Queen

[Dark Muse]

My Fairy Queen

It was her eyes
so alive as they blossomed
like fire crackers,
but her lips curved
sensually
with all the sweetness
of the waiting Venus
with its eternal patience
to lure the unsuspecting,
lost among her honey
dew until the moment
she strikes, prepared to devour.

Flushed among the
vibrancy of her flora,
the foliage she proudly
wears for her crown, she
evokes Persephone's
evocative innocence
among the aromas of her
fertility, elusive the illusion
of her fragility.

She lives within eternities
where time seems held
in suspension, and tenderly
she unfurls within the purity
of raw sensuality which only
reveals when the world
comes to a stand still.

Her secrets kept
behind the velveteen veil
which intrigues without question,
and her thorns stand upon end
in the silent plea for a
taste of the vitality of life
the cherished holy grail
which brings the flush
to her pigments.

[Hawkman]

H DM, I think this is a really good poem but I would draw your attention to:

S1 L5/6: firstly the use of sensuous, which means "of or relating to the senses, without recourse to lasciviousness..." In the context of the poem (which seems to describe a sexual predator) sensual would appear to be a more apposite word. But without a comma at the end of the preceeding line it should be sensually, with a comma after it.
in L9 unexpecting should be unsuspecting.

S2: You have already said, 'evokes' so you can strike out 'evocative' as its use is superflous.

apart from these minor flaws it's a great poem with vivid imagery.

Live and be well, H

[Dark Muse]

Thank you for your comments.

In the case of evokes/evocative, I did that intenionally

[Delta40]

http://www.google.com.au/imgres?imgurl=http://cache2.artprintimages.com/p/LRG/15/1557/R46DD00Z/art-print/howard-david-johnson-fairy-queen-medb-of-the-sidhe.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.art.com/products/p12180707-sa-i1557428/howard-david-johnson-fairy-queen-medb-of-the-sidhe.htm&usg=__IryEVXudmbk7f4aNoBET-mc0SOk=&h=450&w=360&sz=63&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=CEhTDLwDMc3XiM:&tbnh=142&tbnw=113&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dfairy%2Bqueen%26hl%3Den%26biw%3D1341% 26bih%3D614%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disch:1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=383&vpy=87&dur=1656&hovh=251&hovw=201&tx=99&ty=278&ei=MtYATZy4CI2-cf_FhM8E&oei=MtYATZy4CI2-cf_FhM8E&esq=1&page=1&ndsp=26&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:0

I think you invoke wonderful, mystical images, Muse

[hillwalker]

I'm reminded of the Venus fly-trap plant - but here personified by an alluring femme fatale. It's both erotic and menacing in equal measure.

H

[Dark Muse]

I'm reminded of the Venus fly-trap plant - but here personified by an alluring femme fatale. It's both erotic and menacing in equal measure.

H

Yes you are spot on! The reference to "Venus" within the poem was in fact intended to allude to the Venus fly-trap plant.