Dearest Friend

[Maple_Lion]

Dearest Friend

When the blackened hurtful night appears
and your ailing living soul heaves with crippling despair
at the darkness that well engulfs you to that sickly threshold
Hear these words unto thyself as they echo and roll

Hurry towards me no hesitation to start
accept my all curing embrace
from your battered swollen heart
sorrow and pain will rightfully depart
with not a scaring trace

Headlong I'll fall into your surrounding gloom
absent of doubt no regard for my own
I'll battle your every fear to a most worthy doom
as a Heavenly sent righteous cyclone

My stance immoveable your Godly form I'll protect
dutiful and ever so earnest
Tireless my arms will shield and deflect
the unholy cause of all the most cruelest

This to you my Dearest Friend I pledge sincerely
never shall my interest wane or cease
Eagerly I'll speed to your troubled hour oh so bravely
steadfast my alliance will always remain.... never to decrease.

[hillwalker]

A beautiful sentiment - but written in rather a cumbersome style.

In places your descriptions are rather too dramatic for the context :

blackened hurtful night - crippling despair - sickly threshold - battered swollen heart

Having everything magnified this way means your poem loses much of the impact you were hoping to achieve (it's like banging your head against a wall; after a while the sensation becomes quite soothing - apparently).

Also some of the expressions are difficult to make out :

Hear these words unto thyself as they echo and roll

(why 'unto thyself'?)

and

Hurry towards me no hesitation to start

I'm guessing that English is not your first language - and although I am able to understand much of what your poem is about you have chosen a rather formal, almost Classical, way of writing that detracts from the subject matter.

I believe if you toned down the earnestness of this piece and used simpler language (even at the expense of the rhyme, which only appears 1/4 of the way through the poem) you would see an improvement,

H

[yuka]

A great enounce for friendship. no wonder Nietzsche said, how different it is between owning a friend and owning none, '(sorry , that's my own translation cause i dont know how to say in english original translation. appriciated if someone let me know. :))