alone

[cogs]

i hold my key
to go nowhere
flow through each room
but still they're empty

i am too late
so many years
i should have loved
caught by the mirror

who is he now?
my only friend

[Haunted]

I really like this. With just a few words you painted a picture of desolation and self isolation.

[cogs]

thanks for the title haunted.

[hack]

Bleak. Very effective.
Good one Cogs.

[cogs]

thank you hack!

[Silas Thorne]

Yes, you sing a lonely song, giving an empty hollow feeling, but here:



i should have loved
look in the mirror

who is he now?
my only friend

it seems like you want to say you look in the mirror, but it seems from the way you present your ideas here that you are telling anyone who reads or hears your poem to do so (that this is an imperative). This with 'only friend' makes me a little confused.

[cogs]

excellent catch, silas. what i was meaning was to tell himself to look in the mirror, to confront himself. edited now, to show someone may be present, but no.

[Hawkman]

Yes, I think this is a good one, cogs. The only thing which I might change is, "but still they're empty" I'm not sure why you have made the still empty rooms an afterthought, rather than letting them flow through the sentence. eg:

"i hold my key
to go nowhere
flow through each
still empty room."

this gives a nice double meaning: still, as in quiescent/static and still, as in continuing.

just a thought. Best, H

[hillwalker]

Thought-provoking - especially the edited line 'caught by the mirror' suggesting absolute regret when one's only friend is one's reflection.

H

[cogs]

hawk, thank you... i like your complete thought. i have the four beats for each line, and five in the last line of the stanza, with the last beat soft. so i was working the lines to fit.

[cogs]

wow, hill, that's inspiring, with the mirror personified... that's one idea worthy of another poem.