My one day friend, Mark

[alitnobani]

To Liverpool

By: Ali Taha Alnobani (http://www.thebirdali.com/)
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_rsjX9hgWZaM/TO7GwTPLGVI/AAAAAAAAAFY/lrS8e43aNyo/s320/%25D8%25B5%25D9%2588%25D8%25B1%25D8%25A90054.jpg


On Vernon street
Off Dale street
I sat near the sidewalk
At the edge
Like a broken bridge
People were passing
With their robot walking
Sea gulls felt my pain
Also did the rain
And my one day friend Mark
Who heard the voice of gulls in my heart
And my desire to start
His friendly eyes
Were shining
Like a rainy day sunrise
I loved the city
The buildings, the streets
The people when they say:
Are you okay
And the great mysterious river
Which says:
I'll stay forever
***
"I'm from London, I recognized you…?"
Said Mark
Me too
The old woman in the park
Saw wonder in my eyes
And my crutches' tries
To stand
But I was shy to tell her
That pretty belles have stolen my heart
***
"London is more beautiful than Liverpool"
Said Mark
If our world was broken
Who would take our love?
If the birds flew away
Who would fly like a dove?
Please tell me Mark
If I understood life at the end
If I became a sea gull
And found my trend
But peace seems far away
Despite our great love
***
On Vernon street
Off Dale street
I remembered the man who thinks
That he owns the truth
He had a knife instead of tooth
He tried to teach me to hate
But he was too late
My heart was upon the planet
And dwelt in the world of love
***
My one day friend Mark
Went away
Waving by hand
The dusk was drinking the day
A bird passed through the clouds
Like a ray
How many streets around the world
Have a sad man like me
Sits on the sidewalk
At the edge
Like a broken bridge
Thinks of truth and peace
And longing to have love in Liverpool
***

[Jerrybaldy]

There is a wonderful flow to your rhyme.
There are some grammatical errors-
'My crutches tries - would need to be my crutches try or to keep the rhyme you could go with 'my crutch tries'- a bit problematic really :)
The question mark at the end of 'how many streets in the world? should not appear until after the sidewalk and sits should be sitting.

There are a few others too, but most of all, alitnobani. it is full of wonderful lines and I enjoyed it very much.
cheers
JerryB

[Delta40]

you wove some real precious threads of love through this piece. I think Off Dale street rather than of Dale street.

I like the flighty mysteriousness of Mark and the poem overall.

[Haunted]

certainly a day to remember and a friend to cherish. Thanks for bringing us the story.

[alitnobani]

Thanks a lot for your comments my friends, and for the correction of some grammatical mistakes and it would be my pleasure if you keep correcting so that I would improve my writing
:cheers2:
Ali

[yuka]

i am not good at english correction. but i really love your writing. Alitnobani (by the way, your long name is very hard to recognize for me :)

although i am not so fond of the lengthy description, you did make something special within your writing. remember Sully Prudhomme said similar like' the novice will become an expertt with the mind's joining' ( maybe someone can tell me the French original).

like Silas asked in my post, i want to imitate " Is this poem a translation from Arabic? Or was it originally written in English?' :) joke,hope you dont mind

have a nice day

[alitnobani]

What you do not know about me : I adore women : when they joke ,:wave:;) even when they get angry or feel sad, I deal with them as gods ...
Thank you for the nice comment