The Monument

[Hawkman]

Hewn from granite and adorned with moss
the ancient cross of Celtic form
now stands beneath the stark and icy trees,
where frosted grass, that’s strewn with crisp brown leaves,
crunches with each footfall at the visitor’s approach.
This relic of a ruder but more pious time,
shoulders the burden of the lowering sun,
whose star-burst winks through woven wooden arms
that wave in answer to the breeze:
the breeze which chills the flesh
and shakes the frozen dew
from naked twigs, to hail upon our heads
and fall like shot upon the arctic ground.
A stone slab cast to bridge the stream,
leads to slick and dangerous steps,
which climb the bank and breast the mound
where this transplanted monument is set.
Upon the sunward side, faint traces of design,
which thin but golden light reveals, despite
the tempering hand of time, which blurs its edge.
This winter’s day it stands neglected and forlorn,
wrenched out of time and place,
in space usurped by destiny,
where I, but one of many
who have trespassed on the shadow of its age,
vainly seek a meaning in a moment which has none.

[Delta40]

you write about the forest with such majesty. I shiver to the frozen dew, crisp brown leaves, slick and dangerous steps as I journey in mind to that moment which has none. Isn't the trek worth it though....

[PrinceMyshkin]

where I, but one of many
who have trespassed on the shadow of its age,
vainly seek a meaning in a moment which has none.


is a masterful conclusion to this stately poem.

[YesNo]

Nice use of sound (meter, rhyme, and alliteration) in this description of visiting the ancient monument.

[blank|verse]

Hi Hawkman,

This is an interesting piece, but I found it a bit heavy-going. There's a lot - perhaps too much - description for little reward for the reader (although there are some nice observations). What does the reader get out of this poem? It's quite Victorian in its heavy use of adjectives, and perhaps is one you enjoyed writing, but I found it a bit overwrought.

I wonder what the lines between 'This relic of ruder' (and just watch the grammatical 'agreement' here - a ruder time? or ruder times?) and 'which blurs its edge' really add to the poem. If they were removed, would you really lose anything from what's being said?

I quite liked the last line, but think it needs to be tighter. Still, some evocative moments.

[AuntShecky]

The subject of this one is extremely somber --an ancient gravestone--but the imagery makes the piece come alive.

On first reading I'd thought it was a tad too wordy, but a closer look at the description of the setting reveals that nothing is excessive and no word gone to waste.

I love the image of the sun shining through the naked branches -- "the woven wooden arms" and also the idea that the inscription is more legible on the "sunward side," i.e., away from the eroding wind. There are other images that are beautifully apt, but if I listed them all I'd be typing all afternoon!

My favorite line --"a ruder but more pious time" is packed with meaning, in that it seems that the more civilized a society becomes, less primitive or "ruder," the less likely piety is a major factor in the culture. I think the speaker is ambiguous here. He feels that he has "trespassed" but also expresses some disappointment that he hasn't found the meaning he might "crave" (to use a Wallace Stevens "meme.")

Again, this is another excellent example of a recurrent theme in your work, Hawk, about finding a connection between the world today and the distant past.

This is an absolute gem. Thanks for posting it.

[Hawkman]

Delta, Prince, yes/no B/v and Auntie. Thank you all for stopping by to read and comment on this piece. I'm glad you found it so evocative Delta and Prince, I'm glad you liked the closing lines as I was usure of how successful they were. It says what I want it to say but I'm not quite convinced I'm saying it in the right way. Yes/no, I'm glad you found the execution well founded in the elements you have highlighted as I was aiming to employ all to the advantage of the poem.

B/V, I can't really argue with your observations. It is very wordy as I rather lost myself in the rhythm and metre of the piece and the description of the scene. The poem's payoff reflects this and I can see why you find it a little flat, but the almost nihilsitc conclusion is intended to make this point.

I have had second thoughts about, 'which blurs its edge', but I can't quite bring myself to excise 'this relic of a ruder but more pious time' (age in another draft) as it is central to the inspiration of the poem. As I said to Prince, I'm not quite happy with the wording of the last line and have plans to tighten it without disrupting the metre.

It's good to have you back :)

Auntie, you are too kind and I'm glad you like it. There is room for improvement in a couple of places though, so keep a lookout for a revision. some observations though. The cross is C8th century CE but should not be assumed to be a grave marker. They were erected for many reasons: marking crossroads, boundaries, holy sites and meeting places. This one was moved to its present location in 1840 and stands on a plinth in a private park to commemorate one Lord Crenville (whoever he was?) :D I think that you have definately pinged the poems meaning, but as I said to B/V, I did rather indulge myself with the description.

I'm glad you enjoyed it though and thanks again to all of you for your comments.

Live and be well, H

[cogs]

firstly, let me say congratulations on such an inventive and descriptive poem. aunt shecky did touch on an important point. i'll elaborate, and say that the "...meaning in a moment which has none" is personified in lines like:
"the tempering hand of time, which blurs its edge./This winter’s day it stands neglected and forlorn"
The cold may also be employed, by adding some tells, like, "to hail frozen brimstone upon our heads," or, "the corrupt breeze which chills the soul". but that's just a suggestion to only enhance the enjoyment i got from reading. thank you.

[Hawkman]

Hi cogs, long time no see. I'm glad you enjoyed it and picked up on the poem's theme. I'm not sure about your suggestions of brimstone and corrupt though, at least for this poem. I see what you are getting at but I feel they would flavour the piece with brooding menace rather than the introspective reflection I intended. They are nice lines though, so I'll squirrel them away for future reference. :D

Live and be well, H

[cogs]

oh no, please don't save them (they were only examples). thank you for remembering me. since you see what i'm getting at, that's all that's needed. i also like '...usurped by destiny', and can see that extended in another poem.

[Jerrybaldy]

Ozymandias ?
I felt like a featherweight taking on Tyson.
That is way too subjective to count as a comment.
Respect to you Hawk (I have found my footing now)
best wishes
Jerry

[firefangled]

Hawk, one of the many things I enjoyed about this was the rich language, not just for its own sake, but in contrast to the image it evoked, which in my mind was quite somber and stark (save for that wink of setting sun). With the title, the elaborate language and the elusory meaning of the cross, you create an unresolved tension that makes the scene very real.

Thanks. I enjoyed it.

[qimissung]

I'm teaching English Lit this year. Needless to say, I liked it. Felt just like I was standing in a churchyard in England, circa 1100. Thank you.

[Hawkman]

Thanks, JB. Back on your feet? Well that's ok then, I'll give you a standing count :D
ff, Thank you very much.
Qim, Hi, you know you wouldn't have to be standing in a churchyard, or even in 1100 :D
Accross the road from the house I lived in for many years, there was a Saxon cross (the type with a ring round it) set up outside the local telephone exchange. Sadly it was broken though. So, perhaps you only need to feel as though you're standing in England... :D many thanks to you and everyone else who has graced this poem with a perusal and left a comment.

Live and be well, H