A killer's mind

[Deriath]

How should you die

Why’d you ask why?

Who cares who you are

And how much you cry?

I go this far,

just on the fly

If you didn’t walk by me

It’d be the next guy

So back to the question

How should you die?

*********************


Bludgeoning sounds fun

Maybe knock out an eye

Hey quit that whining!

My soul is dead and dry

Sympathy is pointless

Empathy is lame

You are just a subject

In my little game

So where was I…

Oh yes now I remember

**********************

How should you die

Why ‘d you ask why?

Who cares who you are

And how much you cry?

I go this far,

just on the fly

If you didn’t walk by me

It’d be the next guy

So back to the question

How should you die?

*****************************

I got an idea!

It will surely entertain

Get some gas

and put you in flames

Don’t give me that look

I’m not insane

Just an eccentric cook

And an author of pain

Hell I’ll cut ya loose

After I dump the fuel

Then toss a match on you

Now that sounds cool!

Hearing you scream

Watching you run

Your skin melting like cream

That does sound fun

But burnt people smell bad

And clean up is a chore

I guess I’ll pass

Lets move to the next door!
************************

How should you die

Why’d you ask why?

Who cares who you are

And how much you cry?

I go this far

just on a fly

If you didn’t walk by me

It’d be the next guy

So back to the question

How should you die?

************************


I know just what to do

I’ll bring my hungry dogs

And leave them up to you

It’ll be like a match

Man versus beast

Well five to be exact

So it’s more like a feast

If you hurt my pups

I’ll kill you, I‘m serious!

I’m a very calm man

But I can be furious

It’ll hurt for while

Just let-em catch your throat

They’ll rip it out real quick

Hey don’t be such a mope!

You’ll bleed out in seconds

Maybe die from shock

Just let this be a lesson

Be careful where you walk.

You might be a victim

Of a mad man like me

Someone who finds joy

out of watching you bleed
***************************
I found my answer

It’s simple, I know

But honestly today

I’m just going with the flow

So…
*****************************



That’s how you die

So quit asking me why

My dogs have hunger

Glistening in there eyes

Who cares who you are

And how much you cry?

Have you said your prayers?

Did you say goodbye?

it won’t matter much

Once your throat is crushed

So don’t try to deny

That you’re going to die!






This poem is a bit much on the deep end side for some touchy folks. If it really is too much, then I'm sure it'll be under the hammer of the moderator soon enough. with that being said, all constructive opinions are accepted with open arms. If you feel that the rythm is off or the structure it'self is off (I know it is but I can't really tell what parts exactly). I'd be more than happy to read into anyone's suggestion.

[zoolane]

one in very long, you could rewrite shorten peices or other idea is print out poem and brainstorm under the poetry with words to used in your story help describing feeling or surrounding for killer.

[Fegger]

My first 'vision', was seein' that guy in 'No Country for Old Men' (Cohen Brothers pic, I think); and that character, coldly flipping a coin, saying flatly, "call it". I think you matched the emotion-free, callous, persona here. There may be a bit more 'taunting' here than I'd expect--maybe that's just my taste; but, with such characters, I prefer a more terse representation---not so communicative or 'polite', let's say.

[jajdude]

That was fast and full of flash and I could see it like a rap from a gangsta; a lot of aggression and anger in there, or maybe just pure psychopathy.

[hillwalker]

The contrast between the nursery-rhyme style and the Tarantinoesque content is interesting, but this would be so much better if it were tightened up and if you aimed more for realism rather than pure shock-horror.

The repeated verse is amusing the first time, but tiresome by the end. And I tend to think a psychopathic killer would be more action and less talk.

This has the teasing quality of 'Sympathy for the Devil' but unfortunately is too unsubtle to demand a second reading.

And some of the 'threats' are just absurd.....

If you hurt my pups/I'll kill you, I'm serious

honestly? That's about as scary as a punch from Tinkerbell.

H

[loki456]

^ tinkerbell would rock your world H

but back to the poem... I actually enjoyed it... I did keep skipping the repetitive stanza though - got old quick.

but apart from that - found it more humorous than anything... didn't think it was gory, the imagery was very 'Roger Rabbit' for me. just my thoughts.

Thanks for sharing

Loks


EDIT: not a fan of the title either, was actually reluctant to read this because of it.

[Deriath]

thank you for your opinions, I really did attempt to express humor through this poem. and even I got tired of the same line. It made it strech way beyond anyones attention span. sorry about that.

As for the "I'll kill you, I'm serious" was also another sense of humor out of irony because the psycho was going to anyways. It was not really a threat, more like taunting. but I do agree that the psycho's expression to how he might kill the victim is too light hearted and vague in detail to gain much of a hostile atmosphere.

I don't think any rappers would touch this with a ten foot pole. if you found it to be like that, then I guess thats your case. obviously there is aggression, but as you can read through the interaction, it's just too giddy to take seriously.



the interaction between the victim and some happy go lucky psychotic is what I was attempting to come from. being kidnapped by Joker in "the dark knight" seems like a good example.

I'm sure you've noticed the little complaints the killer mentions(Hey don’t be such a mope!)
, contsantly mocking his victim, almost like a childish "haha I win you lose" feel.

believe me when I claim I'm really trying to fix these writings up properly.
I've also noticed that all of my liturature lately have been very negative, I'll work on something with a more posotive or at least "death" free atmosphere.

once again thanks for your contstructive criticism.
I hope to get more as I go along.
well...not in the distant future.
hopefully by then I'll be good enough to get more compliments than opinions on how to fix it.

[Jerrybaldy]

I wasn't put off by it's length as I didn't check how long it went on for when I started reading. If I had, it may have put me off. But I am glad I didn't as it whistled by and the repitition of that line didnt bother me as it fell into the flow of the whole thing. I found it over all more menacing than humorous but enjoyed it at that level.

p.s unless you mention politics directly (you can get away with it indirectly, but don't tell Scher, Hello Scher :) ) or personalise a comment or to be precise a personal attack, you are unlikely to be censored by moderators.