Time for Winter

[kittypaws]

I will never give up on trying to improve my writing...Lit Net has helped quite a bit....take a look at this and tell me what You think could use improving.
thank you!

And for those of You who celebrate Thanksgiving...Happy Thanksgiving! And those who don't...well today is a good as day as any to take stock of what you have to be thankful for it!

Time for Winter

The summer’s heat has fallen
In bright colors of orange, red and yellow.
Summer has moved on with all of it’s’ auras.


The acorns crack beneath my feet
The night … so quiet; like a dream.
The leaves crackle and crinkle
As they blow out of reach.

Life swept me away
Now only fall memories.

Winter is here.
I feel as thou I’ve been cocooned.
Like the butterfly
I will take harbor.

The cold has settled in
Till the spring air breathes
New life into me
kittypaws

[Delta40]

just check the following Kitty

You refer to me in some lines then us, our. Perhaps consider being consistent here

L1 on both v1 and v2 refer to things going on at your feet. Perhaps edit one of the lines so it doesn't sound repetitive

rephrase And life whisked us away - now only fall memories. Get rid of the and; make a stand alone statement. Consider swept away.

I actually like the poem - especially the colours as you progress from outdoors to indoor hibernation.

[hillwalker]

Since we have had our first snowfall of winter overnight this is a very timely piece.

I too enjoyed the colours and sounds of autumn (fall) becoming muted as winter takes hold.

How can it be improved? Well, the focus tends to shift around rather a lot so perhaps you need to shufle some of the lines around so the reader gets a sense of progression from summer to winter, sound to silence, outdoor to indoor.

for example :

The acorns crack beneath my feet [we are outdoors - hearing sounds]
The night … so quiet; like a dream. [silence]
The leaves crackle and crinkle [sounds again]
As they blow out of reach.

That 2nd line seems out of place - perhaps consider moving it to the verse end and changing the wording slightly.

And bringing 'the spring air' into the equation right at the end, although a message of hope for the future, actually diminishes and distracts from all that has gone before - a celebration of winter. A case of too many eggs in the one basket?

H