Another Night

[hack]

In Trinidad

We pause to let the future pass
and test the heft of nets we cast,
while rude boys practice faux romance
and young girls set their steel trap glance,
we watch the sun come down,
the net and sun come down.

This is dedicated
to the memory of my friend,
Hardeo Persad

[Delta40]

How much wisdom you managed to pack in those few lines Hack!

and test the heft of nets we cast

you capture 'life goes on' beautifully here.

[hillwalker]

Great poem, hack - but the last two lines are rather a let-down after what goes before. The repetition in the final line is rather a weak message - perhaps it might even be better without that last pair.

H

[Delta40]

I like the repetition. It has an almost Ecclesiasctical feel to it and it heightens the everydayness of our lives.

[Hawkman]

I really like the deep, thoughtful, reflective tone and the observational veritas of this piece, hack. Always a pleasure to read you. H

[hack]

We pause to let the future pass
and test the heft of nets we cast,
while rude boys practice faux romance
and young girls set their steel trap glance,
we watch the sun come down,
the sun that still comes down.

Thanks Delta, Hill, and Hawk,
Hill, I am less troubled by the repetition
than by the fuzzy conclusion. Perhaps
this is a better final line.
"the net and sun come down."
The title should read "Another Night in Trinidad"
...peace...

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thanks Delta, Hill, and Hawk,
Hill, I am less troubled by the repetition
than by the fuzzy conclusion. Perhaps
this is a better final line.
"the net and sun come down."
The title should read "Another Night in Trinidad"
...peace...

Astounded as I was by the wit and word-play of the original, I too had trouble with the original last line & much prefer your revision.

[Haunted]

Wonderful imagery of nets and Trinidad, I could picture you and your friend watching the net and the sun come down, a poignant and potent metaphor.