Ashes to the Wind

[andave_ya]

"I dreamed that I carried someone,
But I forgot I dreamed until the jolt of remembered memory
stole my breath away, like the silence of snowfall.
There was a man and he leaned on me. I
still feel him in my arms.
And all today the phantom has remained by my side
like the rose upon the rood of time.
I offer this poem as homage - and
to let him know, futurephantom, that when he needs me, I'll be here."

[hillwalker]

I'm not sure what this is actually about but it is an elegant piece of writing with some fine images.

'the silence of snowfall' and 'the rose upon the rood of time' stand out.

But line 2 is a little clumsy - 'remembered memory' is a redundant expression (there is no need to include the word 'remembered' unless you intended it to be 'retrieved memory').

Also the line break between lines 4 and 5 is unnatural - it makes more sense to begin line 5 with 'I still feel him.....'

H

[Delta40]

remembered memory is a little bumpy. I was thinking of soldiers of war but that may be due to your avatar.