Death’s Reaper

[kittypaws]

I could not sleep
I tussled and turned.
Came to me, A Messenger.
This hooded lady
Gave me fright.


Her black hair
Whipping about her face.
She placed her finger
Against her lips
And puckered as in a kiss.

A whisper came though the air,
“Come with me.”
My breathing seized.
And death swallowed me.

kittypaws

[hillwalker]

I'll admit I felt a little short-changed by this piece and was expecting perhaps a little more after quite a suspenseful beginning. The grim reaper arrives, takes the writer away..... and that's it.

Also I think the final line in verse 1 is unnecessary - not just because 'the pitch black of night' is a cliche but also the 'fright'/'night' end-rhyme scheme reads rather awkwardly, and leads us to expect a similar pattern in the rest of the poem.

H

[Delta40]

Women as grim reapers. Yay! I like tussled and turned instead of tossed and turned. It has a more restless feel to it.

I did not expect the poem to unfold this way and think it stops abruptly. Perhaps another stanza or two?

[kittypaws]

Sorry for the abrupt ending but that is how it happen. My friend went to sleep at the age of 42 and never awoke. Her life abruptly ended.

Knowing the facts behind this...any suggestions?

kittypaws