The death of dreams

[Biggus]

He leaves her house
Saying goodnight at the door
And heads homeward
Like so many times before

She has another drink?
Or snorts another line?
No need for a cab
She thinks she’ll be fine

On his lips is the taste
Of his loves last kiss
As he peddles ever onward
Towards the abyss

She drives like a demon
Without any care
Racing over the bridge
Not seeing him there

There is only one winner
When the two come together
Only one outcome
A young man lost forever

In the laws eyes he died a boy
Three days short of being a man
But a very mature boy
A young man with a plan

His life had a purpose
Plans and dreams to be achieved
But his dreams died with him
And they too should be grieved

Too young, too young
To leave dreams unfulfilled
Too soon, too soon
For a young man to be killed

[Delta40]

ahh a tragic touch. I think the rhyming on this poem reduces the impact behind it.

[YesNo]

Very well done. I see a nice parallel between the physical contact of their last kiss and their last contact with the accident. The "snorts another line" was good.

This should leave her with a lot of guilt. Or maybe not. It could be the subject of another poem.

[hillwalker]

The powerful story behind this poem has been handled far too simplistically - with verses 5 and 6 being particularly weak. The poem would read much better without this list of cliches.

I think as a whole this has some potential, but as it stands it lacks any sense of flow. The nursery-rhyme level of rhyming does not help matters in distracting the reader from the tragic nature of the 'message'.

And as for the title - hardly original.

H