love sonnet

[peter7805]

Love fourteen lines



I think you are one snow that isolates the world
And gives me a hole where I can sleep with a sweet dream
In which the bright ice moon for me you hold
And outside, a bloomy spring that you leave



I hear you blow up the mighty spring wind in the sky
And hold the red peaches upon the clouds in your hands

Gently in your heart that you put I
The flower wine you keep for half a life, drunk, the heart of mine



Rafting on the sea where we return afterwards
I shall share the flush on my cheek to the rosy clouds
They imitate your whispers, the singing seagulls
The tenderness in your smile I shall pick for the sea flowers



Oh, the chest of the sea up and down , and it tides like we breathe
Like we mutter to each other, and the love will never cease……

[Jerrybaldy]

Some very strange language here, Peter and some nonsensical sentences but I did enjoy the epic imagery and your unusual style.
cheers
JerryB

[Delta40]

I think you are one snow that isolates the world is wonderfully descriptive. Some lines would read better if they were put in order. for example, Gently in your heart that you put I
might read better gently in your heart where you (verb) me

I agree with Jerry though. Its a strong poem and matches its title.

[Scheherazade]

I am not sure if this poem can be classified as a sonnet as it does not follow the traditional patterns (Petrarchan ABBA ABBA CDE CDE or The Shakespearean ABAB CDCD EFEF GG).

Other than that, there is some interesting imagery and metaphors used but, over all, I feel that it needs some more editing and revision before it can be considered complete.

[hillwalker]

Some beautiful imagery here - but the use of language in places is ungrammatical rather than original. And although it isn't a sonnet (a shame you chose to give it such a cheesy title) it does have some merit.

H

[peter7805]

Some beautiful imagery here - but the use of language in places is ungrammatical rather than original. And although it isn't a sonnet (a shame you chose to give it such a cheesy title) it does have some merit.

H

it really is not a sonnet as you pointed out. but it surely has fourteen lines so i take it for granted to be s sonnet.for the ancient english poetry we should have some kind of honour and respect those giant poets like Shakespear. but they are too old after all and so far away and if they do mind indeed i shoul say sorry by using this title .so i will change it to another one.


Some very strange language here, Peter and some nonsensical sentences but I did enjoy the epic imagery and your unusual style.
cheers
JerryB

it is strange maybe and nonsensical but i am still happy you like it.thanks


I think you are one snow that isolates the world is wonderfully descriptive. Some lines would read better if they were put in order. for example, Gently in your heart that you put I
might read better gently in your heart where you (verb) me

I agree with Jerry though. Its a strong poem and matches its title.

thank you very much!


I am not sure if this poem can be classified as a sonnet as it does not follow the traditional patterns (Petrarchan ABBA ABBA CDE CDE or The Shakespearean ABAB CDCD EFEF GG).

Other than that, there is some interesting imagery and metaphors used but, over all, I feel that it needs some more editing and revision before it can be considered complete.

thank you very much.