rebeccatobias
11-15-2010, 08:45 PM
My belief is everyone has known at least one person that thinks the world revolves around them; I was that person. The world would have stopped spinning if not for me; at least in my bluish-green eyes that’s what I believed to be true. Caused from the way I grew up, the middle child of an older sister and younger brother, the treatment was undeserved. I was teased about being overweight along with being ugly, stuttering and fell victim to my sister Desiree was tag-teaming with my brother Anthony against me both physically as well as mentally. I could never seem to voice an opinion, and what bothered me most was being given old, dirty, ripped second-hand clothes. I became bitter from how my childhood was. Almost as if the world around me was a giant lemon extra sour warhead candy that was so sour even before the candy hits my tongue my jaw began to twinge. To make sure I was taken care of as soon as possible, yours truly was working. Some people would call me high maintenance, and say I had gone over board at times. How demanding I was didn’t change my feelings. I felt that life was the consumer, and I was the bank whom loaned out lots of money just to charge ridiculous amounts of interest; interest being how spoiled I was becoming. I made it my mission in life to ensure self-happiness. Relying on friends and family was obviously pointless. “If you cannot love yourself than how can you love anyone else?”, as the quote reads is the perfect way to explain my outlook at this point in life.
I was not taking life all that seriously. My life was just an adventure to be enjoyed every day to the fullest. With being employed since fourteen, that helped keep money in my pockets at all times. My first job was working as a babysitter at the local battered woman’s shelter earning ten bucks an hour. By the age of eighteen, I was a manager making eleven bucks an hour just to start. I always had my nails done with original hand drawn designs that I came up with on my own, so no one else could get the same flower, colors, or whatever else was thought of. My hair was always cut and colored by the salons where the people working spent more money on school than most do on their houses. I always had all the newest, cutest, clothes and accessories that different friends would talk about wanting, and the merchandise was mine the same day the store’s shipments arrived. All of the employee’s of my favorite stores were extremely friendly as well as the UPS delivery men, which enabled a first name basis type of relationship. Imagine a cooler, newer age episode of cheers because these stores were where every employee was glad I came, and everyone knew my name. Every color of the rainbow was in my bedroom closet in all the different clothes, shoes, and jewelry; my closet really looked like a family value sized bag of skittles that was thrown all around in my closet. All the mango oranges, lime greens, blood red, even turquoise, just name a color, most likely that color will be found in my wardrobe. I would even buy the type of perfumes that men and women could smell, five minutes after walking away, leaving bystanders in awe of how incredible the aroma that filled these men or women’s nostrils of a fragrance. Out of boredom I would just pick up my blue bedazzled cell phone call a bunch of friends in search of a party in a town or state no one had been to, so we could go get drunk and or high off of drugs With no structure financially I was about three-thousand dollars in debt from hospital visits, but didn’t really care. Not thinking about my credit score’s, so paying off any bills was not top of my priority list. Planning for my future was on my mind from time to time, but only for a few moments. Unfortunately it was not something I chose to take into consideration.
Not liking to plan out every step made me a very spur of the moment kind of a person. That went for the way I treated people. Not in a mean way though, at least not intentionally, but there really was no filter on my thoughts. As soon as I saw someone’s unmatched clothes or was told a story that was hard to believe, I would tell whomever my opinion whether or not they wanted to hear my opinion. How I spoke my mind got me in a lot of trouble. I have been in several fights from the way my mind works; but also have gained a lot of respect from being such an honest person. Unfortunately in high school, my teacher was not one of those people whose respect I had gained. Being kicked out of Mrs. Fernery’s algebra class every day no matter how much effort was put into keeping my mouth shut. Who would have guessed cussing out the teacher would get a student like me suspended. At that point I pretty much gave up on trying in high school, and was only going to class in order to find a friend to skip school with so we could go hang out at my house, or the mall. Dropping out of high school half way through my junior year was hard, but then I went to night school a year later. The class work at Orville Platt Night School in Meriden, Connecticut was too easy. These assignments were as easy as the ones from in kindergarten, where all I remember doing was finger painting and going outside for recess; not to mention the fact I only had to go for three hours a night, so I graduated in June of 2004 with honors with the greatest of ease.
At the age of fifteen I started to use drugs. First weed, but by the time I was seventeen had tried acid, mushrooms, angel dust, and ecstasy. I was hanging out with the popular kids, which in my school meant the bad asses. I was using the F word literally after every single word and sounded like a drunken sailor. My vocabulary was mainly filled with curse words making me sound like an ignorant, uneducated fool. My whole family is either drug addicts, or alcoholics and some are both, so that was hard to stay on the right path. Becoming a heavy marijuana smoker had made sense for me to just begin to sell weed so I could smoke for free. All my friends and family that I saw every day, rain or shine, were the only customers I needed to make enough money. The pothead’s holiday called “420”, which is April 20th almost everyone knows about. During the 420 holiday of 2007 I just got sick of how life was going nowhere. So, very shortly after that revolution, I moved out of my mother’s house to get an apartment with a really good friend of mine, Shamika, and stopped doing drugs all together. That was the beginning of my new and better life style. I never could have guessed one person would be the reason why I would want to turn my life around completely.
The exact day that changed my life forever can, and will always be remembered quite vividly The Thursday morning was bright, and by seven it was already about seventy-five degrees. June 25th of 2009, I was lying in the hospital bed waiting for the pain to stop. The sharp, stabbing sensation that was coming and then fading away in my abdomen is the worst pain imaginable. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, but the entire hospital could probably hear the yelling for a nurse to give pain medicine coming from room 266. Rolling around in my blue hospital Johnnie trying to find a comfortable position, with what little make-up that was left on from the night before all smeared around my eyes and my hair was in a messy ponytail. The doctor finally came in after what felt like an eternity, and told me that if nothing changed by two forty-five that the nurse was going to prep the operating room. The pain killers must have kicked in because I had fallen asleep. My fiancé Justin was waking me by rubbing my face while brushing hair from my eyes; than Dr. Chenkin told me that I was going to be rolled into the operation room. Even though no pain could be felt due to the epidural, I knew that was a good idea to allow them to cut me open. Within fifteen minutes I was holding the most perfect little girl. The gel on Olivia’s eye lids was to prevent any infections. At 8 lbs 11 ounces, at 20 inches long Olivia needed to be borne by caesarian section. Even through the gel covering her eyelids the perfection was easily seen. Once opened her eyes were a deep stone blue, with a head full of beautiful, dark brown curly hair and she had a chipmunk face, with chubby, rosy red cheeks that made her face look more rounded. At 3:03 pm that day my life changed forever in ways I never thought possible.
My daughter came into my life and made me want to be a better woman. I have changed everything, but my name, for now. I am engaged to be married. I no longer living life day by day, there is a plan for how I would like life to go. Not every single detail has been figured out, but I have a really good idea how my life will all pan out. Currently enrolled in college, so I can further my education and get started on my career, whatever that may be, in order to ensure a job title to be proud of so working at subway will not be my only option. Just staying at home now as much as possible, teaching Olivia all the different skills needed in life, watching Olivia grow, and learning more everyday has become my idea of the perfect Friday night instead of going out to party. My baby girl has taught me patience as well as appreciating the smaller elements of life. Also showing me that swearing is not something I neither need nor want to do. Now taking every day as a blessing and not for granted. Princess Olivia is my everything, life is not all about me anymore, and I like it a lot better this way. My world revolves around my child every second of every day. Olivia Linn is my drug of choice, there is no other high like the one that comes with every perfect smile that’s shows all eight of her pearly white teeth. To imagine my life any other way would be impossible. I have come a long way, but still have a long journey a head. The dark dreary haze has been lifted from my eyes and now life’s goals have become much clearer. I really can’t wait to see what else life has in store for me and my beautiful family. No one person is perfect, or normal, but I know I don’t want to be normal or perfect. Those qualities are boring. Mistakes are what make us human. I am damn proud of the person that I became, and can thank my daughter for inspiring me to be the woman who stands tall and proud today.
I was not taking life all that seriously. My life was just an adventure to be enjoyed every day to the fullest. With being employed since fourteen, that helped keep money in my pockets at all times. My first job was working as a babysitter at the local battered woman’s shelter earning ten bucks an hour. By the age of eighteen, I was a manager making eleven bucks an hour just to start. I always had my nails done with original hand drawn designs that I came up with on my own, so no one else could get the same flower, colors, or whatever else was thought of. My hair was always cut and colored by the salons where the people working spent more money on school than most do on their houses. I always had all the newest, cutest, clothes and accessories that different friends would talk about wanting, and the merchandise was mine the same day the store’s shipments arrived. All of the employee’s of my favorite stores were extremely friendly as well as the UPS delivery men, which enabled a first name basis type of relationship. Imagine a cooler, newer age episode of cheers because these stores were where every employee was glad I came, and everyone knew my name. Every color of the rainbow was in my bedroom closet in all the different clothes, shoes, and jewelry; my closet really looked like a family value sized bag of skittles that was thrown all around in my closet. All the mango oranges, lime greens, blood red, even turquoise, just name a color, most likely that color will be found in my wardrobe. I would even buy the type of perfumes that men and women could smell, five minutes after walking away, leaving bystanders in awe of how incredible the aroma that filled these men or women’s nostrils of a fragrance. Out of boredom I would just pick up my blue bedazzled cell phone call a bunch of friends in search of a party in a town or state no one had been to, so we could go get drunk and or high off of drugs With no structure financially I was about three-thousand dollars in debt from hospital visits, but didn’t really care. Not thinking about my credit score’s, so paying off any bills was not top of my priority list. Planning for my future was on my mind from time to time, but only for a few moments. Unfortunately it was not something I chose to take into consideration.
Not liking to plan out every step made me a very spur of the moment kind of a person. That went for the way I treated people. Not in a mean way though, at least not intentionally, but there really was no filter on my thoughts. As soon as I saw someone’s unmatched clothes or was told a story that was hard to believe, I would tell whomever my opinion whether or not they wanted to hear my opinion. How I spoke my mind got me in a lot of trouble. I have been in several fights from the way my mind works; but also have gained a lot of respect from being such an honest person. Unfortunately in high school, my teacher was not one of those people whose respect I had gained. Being kicked out of Mrs. Fernery’s algebra class every day no matter how much effort was put into keeping my mouth shut. Who would have guessed cussing out the teacher would get a student like me suspended. At that point I pretty much gave up on trying in high school, and was only going to class in order to find a friend to skip school with so we could go hang out at my house, or the mall. Dropping out of high school half way through my junior year was hard, but then I went to night school a year later. The class work at Orville Platt Night School in Meriden, Connecticut was too easy. These assignments were as easy as the ones from in kindergarten, where all I remember doing was finger painting and going outside for recess; not to mention the fact I only had to go for three hours a night, so I graduated in June of 2004 with honors with the greatest of ease.
At the age of fifteen I started to use drugs. First weed, but by the time I was seventeen had tried acid, mushrooms, angel dust, and ecstasy. I was hanging out with the popular kids, which in my school meant the bad asses. I was using the F word literally after every single word and sounded like a drunken sailor. My vocabulary was mainly filled with curse words making me sound like an ignorant, uneducated fool. My whole family is either drug addicts, or alcoholics and some are both, so that was hard to stay on the right path. Becoming a heavy marijuana smoker had made sense for me to just begin to sell weed so I could smoke for free. All my friends and family that I saw every day, rain or shine, were the only customers I needed to make enough money. The pothead’s holiday called “420”, which is April 20th almost everyone knows about. During the 420 holiday of 2007 I just got sick of how life was going nowhere. So, very shortly after that revolution, I moved out of my mother’s house to get an apartment with a really good friend of mine, Shamika, and stopped doing drugs all together. That was the beginning of my new and better life style. I never could have guessed one person would be the reason why I would want to turn my life around completely.
The exact day that changed my life forever can, and will always be remembered quite vividly The Thursday morning was bright, and by seven it was already about seventy-five degrees. June 25th of 2009, I was lying in the hospital bed waiting for the pain to stop. The sharp, stabbing sensation that was coming and then fading away in my abdomen is the worst pain imaginable. I have a pretty high tolerance for pain, but the entire hospital could probably hear the yelling for a nurse to give pain medicine coming from room 266. Rolling around in my blue hospital Johnnie trying to find a comfortable position, with what little make-up that was left on from the night before all smeared around my eyes and my hair was in a messy ponytail. The doctor finally came in after what felt like an eternity, and told me that if nothing changed by two forty-five that the nurse was going to prep the operating room. The pain killers must have kicked in because I had fallen asleep. My fiancé Justin was waking me by rubbing my face while brushing hair from my eyes; than Dr. Chenkin told me that I was going to be rolled into the operation room. Even though no pain could be felt due to the epidural, I knew that was a good idea to allow them to cut me open. Within fifteen minutes I was holding the most perfect little girl. The gel on Olivia’s eye lids was to prevent any infections. At 8 lbs 11 ounces, at 20 inches long Olivia needed to be borne by caesarian section. Even through the gel covering her eyelids the perfection was easily seen. Once opened her eyes were a deep stone blue, with a head full of beautiful, dark brown curly hair and she had a chipmunk face, with chubby, rosy red cheeks that made her face look more rounded. At 3:03 pm that day my life changed forever in ways I never thought possible.
My daughter came into my life and made me want to be a better woman. I have changed everything, but my name, for now. I am engaged to be married. I no longer living life day by day, there is a plan for how I would like life to go. Not every single detail has been figured out, but I have a really good idea how my life will all pan out. Currently enrolled in college, so I can further my education and get started on my career, whatever that may be, in order to ensure a job title to be proud of so working at subway will not be my only option. Just staying at home now as much as possible, teaching Olivia all the different skills needed in life, watching Olivia grow, and learning more everyday has become my idea of the perfect Friday night instead of going out to party. My baby girl has taught me patience as well as appreciating the smaller elements of life. Also showing me that swearing is not something I neither need nor want to do. Now taking every day as a blessing and not for granted. Princess Olivia is my everything, life is not all about me anymore, and I like it a lot better this way. My world revolves around my child every second of every day. Olivia Linn is my drug of choice, there is no other high like the one that comes with every perfect smile that’s shows all eight of her pearly white teeth. To imagine my life any other way would be impossible. I have come a long way, but still have a long journey a head. The dark dreary haze has been lifted from my eyes and now life’s goals have become much clearer. I really can’t wait to see what else life has in store for me and my beautiful family. No one person is perfect, or normal, but I know I don’t want to be normal or perfect. Those qualities are boring. Mistakes are what make us human. I am damn proud of the person that I became, and can thank my daughter for inspiring me to be the woman who stands tall and proud today.