My Mama Was a Poet

[Jack of Hearts]

My mama
she took to knitting sweaters
They say craftsmanship, well
it never came better
Tightly wound
chokes all around
the structures sound
and breath's held down
Like death-wrap come all upon us
Something that tight just ain't honest

Then my mama
well she likes this imagery
Cuddly as a porcupine or
as subtle as a Christmas tree
but tangle 'em in the knitting
and the why is lost on me
My poor mama
and her dime store imagery

But I did get cold and I
well I'll tell ya what I did
I went next door and I
traded toward the neighbor kid
That made mama sad
and I got the belt from dad
who made me promise
to never trade mom again

[jajdude]

Once again Jack, nice work.

[ryandyson]

This is only an opinion. I really love this except the following;

"Cuddly as a porcupine or
as subtle as a Christmas tree" - ironic, 'cus this part of the poem is screechingly unsubtle.

The last stanza;

"But I did get cold and I
well I'll tell ya what I did
"I went next door and I
traded toward the neighbor kid
That made mama sad
and I got the belt from dad
who made me promise
to never trade mom again"

I cannot see a glimer of interest in this. Look how it read without the above...

My mama
she took to knitting sweaters
They say craftsmanship, well
it never came better
Tightly wound
chokes all around
the structures sound
and breath's held down
Like death-wrap come all upon us
Something that tight just ain't honest

Then my mama
well she likes this imagery
but tangle 'em in the knitting
and the why is lost on me
My poor mama
and her dime store imagery

Unfortunately this means you're poems shorter but the language is indeterminate, sensuous and subtle way, slightly dissorienting, and has a hazy magic about it; it reminds me of one of my favourate poems (ee commings poems it has no name but its...http://aspharpoetry.blogspot.com/2010/11/poem-by-ee-commings.html)

You can put porcupines and christmas treas, and start 'telling' in another poem - this one's too good for that kind of thing. (Once again, only an opinion).

[jajdude]

ry, for a critique, that was lousy writing

:seeya:

[Haunted]

Love the way you describe a knit sweater, something cosy and warm and you just turned it all around:

chokes all around
the structures sound
and breath's held down
Like death-wrap come all upon us

then you delight us with a couple of oxymorons:
"Cuddly as a porcupine" and "subtle as a Christmas tree"

The trade is offbeat, and I'm not sure if the belt is tongue in cheek or meant as a shock but everything holds together as quite a memorable piece for me.

[Cunninglinguist]

I think the last stanza is critical to tying up the piece. It concludes the poem by stating, in a way, the sweater is a metaphor for a mother "cuddly as a porcupine..." The Christmas tree serves a symbolic/metaphoric purpose as well as possibly alludes to the Christmas season coming up and by association the corresponding behavior of mothers, or at least the mother of whoever is supposed to be delivering this poem ...

[Delta40]

it also contains the consequences and lesson learned from the observations made.