if only he'd made a note...

[Oliver Pockets]

there was a troll who lived in a hole,
he loved a girl with marriage the goal,
so he left his cave to find her.
but as he walked, the ring to be bought,
he tripped and fell and rung his bell,
and immediately he'd forgot her.

[Oliver Pockets]

i'd love any constructive criticism...

i definitely don't consider myself a poet, but i would like to get better.

[Delta40]

lol. This almost sounds like a ditty - enough to make me smile. I suggest you post in the sharing poetry section Oliver as it is more likely to be viewed and you also have the opportunity to read and review other people's work.

[Oliver Pockets]

thanks delta40, thanks for the heads up, i thought i did post it in the poetry section... whooops... thanks for the feed back!

[Silas Thorne]

Hi! :)
Just wanted to keep your posting in the wrong place going, to say that I think that this little piece is good fun for what it is, and to suggest that you try not to force the rhyme so much. To make a troll in a hole go with his goal, you've on its head turned the line of the grammar.
You could develop the story a little more (the bell appears without warning), and since you are writing a fable anyway, try to write it in a ballad form.
Just my own ideas on the dittle litty. Destroy them with passionate fervour if you wish.