Waltz of Falling Petals

[Jack of Hearts]

Four hands
clumsy at the lock
for keys
Laughter just won't stop
our feet
flirting as we talk
as we stumble in

Hung around her waist
there is lace of flowers
All about the place
comes the scent of flowers
and my cheeks fire a
slow-burn after-hours
but I had no wine

[hillwalker]

I enjoyed the simplicity of this - arriving home together fired up with wine and lust..... and yet you say you had no wine.

H

[Hawkman]

I too like this poem but I do think the repetition of flowers is a little clumsy. I would suggest:

"Hung around her waist
there is a lace of flowers
and all about the place
their scent.
My cheeks afire,
a slow-burn after-hours,
but I had no wine"

but it's only a suggestion.

Live and be well, H

[Delta40]

flowers is a little clumsy but I also enjoyed the simplicity of young love and flushed cheeks, minus the alcohol as if it were a revelation!

[jajdude]

It's good Jack, and I like Hawkman's suggestion too.