Like The Dream Of A Boat

[hillwalker]

LIKE THE DREAM OF A BOAT

an anchor cut adrift
a dreadlocked stump of rock
a span of grey expanding sand
the woven silver sheen
infinities beyond the pale of moonrise

a flare of Elmo’s fire
a tilting fret of mast
a keel fire-hardened in the kiln of time
the flapping rag of sail
a ragged cloud torn from its rigging

the creak of cleats and timbers
orphaned on the wastrel wind
a rattle chain of shingle
each measured gasp of oar’s caress
marked by the sweep of dredging tide


H

[Delta40]

a dreadlocked stump of rock

keel fire-hardened in the kiln of time

flapping rag of sail

the wastrel wind

rattle chain of shingle

what wonderful imagery you weave with your expressions Hill. Always superb writing.

[Hawkman]

Every line is a gem hill, but with the exception of the first and last two lines of the final stanza, every line is isolated, a discrete thought or observation which fails to flow into the next. It is effectively a list and in the case of lists it is good practice to include some qualification or context every third item or so. This feels like the bones of an outstanding poem, a framework upon which to hang a masterpiece. I so much want it to be fleshed out.

I do have a bit of a problem with,

"the woven silver sheen
infinities beyond the pale of moonrise"

Which might be better expressed as,

"The infinite woven silver sheen
beyond the pale of moonrise"

which makes it easier to comprehend grammatically.

Still, it is impressive but I'd like to see it worked up into something with a little more narrative structure. However, that's just just my preference.

Live long and prosper - H

[PrinceMyshkin]

Unlike the previous posters, I couldn't summon to mind the image of


dreadlocked stump of rock

was that meant to be 'deadlocked'? I couldn't get from the hair image that "dreadlock" invoked, tp the "stump of rock."

But I do agree with the others on the searing vividness of the imagery.

[solaris]

Unlike the previous posters, I couldn't summon to mind the image of


dreadlocked stump of rock

was that meant to be 'deadlocked'? I couldn't get from the hair image that "dreadlock" invoked, tp the "stump of rock."

But I do agree with the others on the searing vividness of the imagery.

imagine a sizeable sea boulder, covered in long strands of seaweed.... ;)

[MANICHAEAN]

Imagine if you will the Rasta Man with his dread locks flowing like serpents from his head.

Walk tall and proud like the Lion of Judea!

[Silas Thorne]

You've channelled so much sensation through the words here. I'm drawn into the rhythm and the alliteration, as well as the rich visual and auditory barrage of sea imagery. I hear the sounds of the waves, the shingle and the lapping water. I hear the splash of the oars and the creaking of ropes straining, the flutter of the sail.
But I find it hard to connect the individual images together into a cohesive narrative, and I'm not sure how
'the woven silver sheen
infinities beyond the pale of moonrise' fits in. But even with my inability to tie the threads together, I still love this poem.

[hillwalker]

Thanks to all of you for your responses -

@Prince - 'dreadlocked' was intentional - as Solaris and Manichaean have pointed out most eloquently.

@Hawk and Silas - the fragmented flow was also intentional - a dream sequence of individual images drawn from gazing out to sea - each one overlapping like a series of waves.
There never was a boat, merely a series of natural phenomena that when combined might suggest 'the dream of a boat'.

And 'the woven silver sheen/infinities beyond the pale of moonrise' is the limitless sea upon which the 'dream' floats.
I'm guessing I could expand this into a longer piece but for once I wanted it condensed into as small a fragment of verse as possible.

and @Delta - thanks also for dropping by - I'm glad you were able to find something that caught your eye/ear.

H

[Jerrybaldy]

Masterful Hill. Even without the above comments the dreadlocked rock stood out particulary as truely inspired imagery.
jerry

[hillwalker]

Thanks for your comment, jer. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it.

h

[PrinceMyshkin]

Belatedly, your poem reminded me of the great Gilles Vigneault's song http://www.musicme.com/Gilles-Vigneault/titres/Si-Les-Bateaux-t198372.html

Vigneault, I daresay, is the unofficial poet laureate of Quebec, though some would have argued for Felix Leclerc when he was still alive. Via the above link you ought to be able to hear Vigneault sing this wonderful song.

[hillwalker]

Thanks, Prince. Unfortunately I am only allowed access to a 30-second sample of each song because I am browsing outside France..... but to have a poem put you in mind of someone you hold in such high esteem is encouraging.

I actually thought Leonard Cohen was the poet laureate of Canada (Quebec included)??

H

[PrinceMyshkin]

I actually thought Leonard Cohen was the poet laureate of Canada (Quebec included)??

H

Leonard Cohen is a sore point with me; in part, no doubt, because I am so envious that a man almost exactly my age and with a similar religious background (but so much more privileged a socio-economic background) would be so infinitely more successful than I am, but insofar as I can attend to him objectively, I see him playing a part... I see the calculation in virtually every line he writes, every image he conjures.

[AuntShecky]

You had me at "boat," because there are few things that stir the human imagination more than water (our life-giver.) I only wish your title didn't remind me of "When My Dreamboat Comes Home," a sappy song from the
1940s (a little before my time yet I know it.)

Even so, your string of metaphors are, as I say, imaginative and perhaps approximate what a boat would dream of, if such an "inanimate" object could dream. Then again, sailing vessels and the like are among the few items to which we assign a gender -- the pronoun for ships and
boats most often is "she."

The images are evocative, even though verbs are few and far between. They were good at avoiding the dreaded
abstractions, except for "infinities."

I enjoyed reading this and I'm going to read it again right now. Thank you for posting this.

[hillwalker]

Thanks for reading this @Aunt - again and again - and that 'dreaded abstraction' crept up on me and caught me unawares, but now it has ensconced itself in the piece I feel it deserves to survive.

And @Prince - apologies for stirring such envy. Cohen was a writer I particularly enjoyed in my student days when he juggled singing (?), poetry and prose. Now I much prefer him as just a poet.

H

[Haunted]

Dreadlocks and rocks is a recurring image in your poems, its unique and bears your trademark poetry.
I'm gripped by these two lines:


the creak of cleats and timbers
orphaned on the wastrel wind