Nathan Kelevra
11-07-2010, 06:39 PM
Technically not a short story in the terms of a traditional story
or is it??
It would have been easier for me to do it by blog
(natenatesbloggyblog@blogspot) but I don't know how to link it here
or which mod's to bribe... and I have a short story there that might
serve as a soothing balm. or maybe not.
However this is a short story of a Chef. A bad Chef.
It what happens when a mother doesn't take the time
to show her son how to cook and the horrific consequence.
Today's pretend masterpiece will be a "Sweet pepper Steak."
serving size for 4
Shall we begin ... This should be a fairly easy meal
** please don't follow along too closely...
I'm not sure what's going to happen**
PREPPING THE FOOD:
-We cut our super bright, blindly bright red pepper into thin slice.
Why I don't know. Just do it.
We do the same with our green and yellow peppers.
They're just going along for the ride.
Apparently, the peppers can add some zest to the meal. I doubt it.
-Next, we play it safe and add 2 minuscule tablespoon of butter.
I still think there should be more. Add more if you feel so inclined.
The important part is you shouldn't even be following along with me to begin with.
-However the star of the meal is the bloody captive steer.
You can just taste this caged-in beast...
The steroids they inject into them when there baby calves really
brings out the flavors.
You'll need four 12 ounce steaks. Each cut 1 inch thick.
You may name your steak if you want.
I named my steak Charles.
UTENSILS:
I have a bright cobalt mixing bowl. I will use it. Sparingly. Hopeful not at all.
I'm hoping to mix the ingredients right on the table surface.
I would suggest you don't.
I also have my trusted fork. It has a polished gleam to it.
It is my only fork. For some reason I have a plate.
Oh yes. I forgot this is where the meal will be going on.
The plate is a stupid aqua blue. It's horrible shade for a plate.
I'm considering throwing it against the wall.
There is also my trusty spoon.
It's ashy looking and looks as if was found on civil war battle field.
But it's mine. All mine. You can't have it.
For this delicate meal I'll be using my "go to" frying pan.
It's covered with a horrendous lavender paint.
I dare not look at the pan while cooking. As I might blind myself.
As any good pretend chef knows. Blinding yourself is bad. Usually.
Lastly I have a 3 foot crocodile knife. Not 3 inches. 3 feet.
It's the size of a small diving board
If we're going to cook we need a hardy knife. It's been a good knife.
It has clipped, sliced, gouge and pierce all items, including my fingers.
DIRECTIONS:
Hahahaha.... like that's going to help you know.
First press, punch, push the cracked pepper into the steaks.
Next they want you to cook the steaks for 8-12 minutes for medium rare. 12-15 for medium.
Do what you want.
Now they want you to put all the items I mentioned into the skillet until tender.
Oh crap. There is a gravy mix. Screw it. You don't need it.
Finally they tell you to serve it on warm plates like you couldn't figure that out.
And your done! Please don't eat it. Seriously.
Unless you complete ignored my directions than you should be safe.
NUTRITIONAL FACTS:
This thing has nutritional facts. That is surprising.
-Good hell!! 533 calories per serving.
-How in the world did this meal sneak in 10% vitamin A!!
-Calcium even makes a cameo appearance at 5%
-There is a mere 160 mg of Cholesterol. Not too bad.
-It has a solid 910 mg of sodium per serving. That is what you call flavor.
-It's final saving grace is that it has 58 grams of protein...
which is great assuming you survive the heart attack.
or is it??
It would have been easier for me to do it by blog
(natenatesbloggyblog@blogspot) but I don't know how to link it here
or which mod's to bribe... and I have a short story there that might
serve as a soothing balm. or maybe not.
However this is a short story of a Chef. A bad Chef.
It what happens when a mother doesn't take the time
to show her son how to cook and the horrific consequence.
Today's pretend masterpiece will be a "Sweet pepper Steak."
serving size for 4
Shall we begin ... This should be a fairly easy meal
** please don't follow along too closely...
I'm not sure what's going to happen**
PREPPING THE FOOD:
-We cut our super bright, blindly bright red pepper into thin slice.
Why I don't know. Just do it.
We do the same with our green and yellow peppers.
They're just going along for the ride.
Apparently, the peppers can add some zest to the meal. I doubt it.
-Next, we play it safe and add 2 minuscule tablespoon of butter.
I still think there should be more. Add more if you feel so inclined.
The important part is you shouldn't even be following along with me to begin with.
-However the star of the meal is the bloody captive steer.
You can just taste this caged-in beast...
The steroids they inject into them when there baby calves really
brings out the flavors.
You'll need four 12 ounce steaks. Each cut 1 inch thick.
You may name your steak if you want.
I named my steak Charles.
UTENSILS:
I have a bright cobalt mixing bowl. I will use it. Sparingly. Hopeful not at all.
I'm hoping to mix the ingredients right on the table surface.
I would suggest you don't.
I also have my trusted fork. It has a polished gleam to it.
It is my only fork. For some reason I have a plate.
Oh yes. I forgot this is where the meal will be going on.
The plate is a stupid aqua blue. It's horrible shade for a plate.
I'm considering throwing it against the wall.
There is also my trusty spoon.
It's ashy looking and looks as if was found on civil war battle field.
But it's mine. All mine. You can't have it.
For this delicate meal I'll be using my "go to" frying pan.
It's covered with a horrendous lavender paint.
I dare not look at the pan while cooking. As I might blind myself.
As any good pretend chef knows. Blinding yourself is bad. Usually.
Lastly I have a 3 foot crocodile knife. Not 3 inches. 3 feet.
It's the size of a small diving board
If we're going to cook we need a hardy knife. It's been a good knife.
It has clipped, sliced, gouge and pierce all items, including my fingers.
DIRECTIONS:
Hahahaha.... like that's going to help you know.
First press, punch, push the cracked pepper into the steaks.
Next they want you to cook the steaks for 8-12 minutes for medium rare. 12-15 for medium.
Do what you want.
Now they want you to put all the items I mentioned into the skillet until tender.
Oh crap. There is a gravy mix. Screw it. You don't need it.
Finally they tell you to serve it on warm plates like you couldn't figure that out.
And your done! Please don't eat it. Seriously.
Unless you complete ignored my directions than you should be safe.
NUTRITIONAL FACTS:
This thing has nutritional facts. That is surprising.
-Good hell!! 533 calories per serving.
-How in the world did this meal sneak in 10% vitamin A!!
-Calcium even makes a cameo appearance at 5%
-There is a mere 160 mg of Cholesterol. Not too bad.
-It has a solid 910 mg of sodium per serving. That is what you call flavor.
-It's final saving grace is that it has 58 grams of protein...
which is great assuming you survive the heart attack.