black thought

[ryandyson]

paper clips, the ring around which I can’t get this

string out
in a
town the sea
of sharp red nails , fire black youth-heads
swollen healthy , hammered
make them wealthy false
mimesis
arrow piercing sticky love links of a golden -//
false mimesis
ego hammer
neighbourhood in marks XXX watch that
gun
yelling like the telly I should get a job as glass
reflect the green sign sinking in ~black sand #5
#a life , blinking
in cold cement crushed under
benefits queue
the red eye
under
driveway thinks he
gravel
driveway thinks he
away
got away in
white gloves squeezing black face bubbles grey collapse, collapse, the police - policeman
a retiree how small the corrodoors get smaller now it
happened in a
corridor so
small
that
atrophies have warned us who have gone before
don’t pull
a tumor
a
black thought;

#finally;
something is happening to me//-

[Delta40]

Well, I feel like you wrote a poem, then tossed it up in the air so the lines and words got mixed up and then posted it! I'm not very good at interpreting or responding to what I would call the abstract so I ploughed my way through at a slow pace and I am still in the dark!

[hillwalker]

Stream of consciousness (?) but without much for the reader to get hold of - and rather pretentious (punctuation as part of poetry -//).
It reminds me of Gertrude Stein's 'Tender Buttons', but also the worst excesses of the late 1960's when everyone suddenly started writing similar material on the back of Dylan and Lennon and the critics thought this kind of stuff was wonderful.
In fact very little of it has stood the test of time.

I can only assume this has something to do with disaffected youth living on the Costa-del-Pension, but I could be a million miles away.

The only positive thing is that at least you appear to have enjoyed writing it.

H

[YesNo]

It didn't make any sense to me either. I'm glad to see that Delta40 and hillwalker seemed to feel the same way.

I do prefer poems with exact meter, perfect rhyme, a bunch of alliterating stressed syllables and also, most important of all, something meaningful to say that touches the heart. So you can safely ignore my input. I haven't reached the 20th century yet.

[ryandyson]

Yes No, you make me laugh!x

[solaris]

a string of thoughts, a computer screen, its keys, its options.... a computer-world poem with a dark dark undertow

not my favourite, but definitely has moments that shine darkly

[Jerrybaldy]

I don't know if you use a technique to write your poems, but on the assumption that you do not I feel that it takes a skill to write this incoherently. We are all in the dark, yourself included no doubt, but I still enjoyed it. The mind wants to make order of it and it can't so I must enjoy my own bewilderment.
cheers
Jerry