Eggshells

[hillwalker]

EGGSHELLS

Expecting me to tiptoe on the razor’s edge
between your lips
tasting of Worcester Sauce
after another Bloody Mary
when you’re high,
and a mouthful of invective
when you’re merely highly strung

How inappropriate compassion proves to be
those days and nights
when phases of the moon throw us off balance

As useless as the paradox
of cutting out my tongue
to set up dialogue

So once again we muddle through and call it love;
this willingness to endlessly
repeat ourselves

H

[Delta40]

Very powerful last stanza Hill.

I am not sure of the parallel between compassion, phases of the moon and the paradox you mention (although I often miss subtleties in poetry)

Do you think the first stanza would be better if it wasn't a single, long statement.

Perhaps:

Expecting me to tiptoe on the razor’s edge
between your lips.
You taste of Worcester Sauce
after another Bloody Mary
when you’re high,
and a mouthful of invective
when you’re merely highly strung

I'm sure you can do better than this.

I really like the circular futility in the poem Hill.

[PrinceMyshkin]

I was a bit taken aback to go so quickly from the metaphoric title to the "razor's edge" in line 1.

A more dispirited poem than I'm used to from you but with the usual sure craftsmanship.

[MANICHAEAN]

Evocatively written H.
Sometimes you are obliged to go through that sort of relationship, (which you can almost consider & appreciate as a kind of negative virtue), in order to appreciate another type of woman.

M.

[drago]

Reading this, I heard the piece said slowly. Thoughtfully. It requires not only complete attention from the reader but also the imagination of the reader. I found it very evocative as well.
I hope this makes sense. It appeared to me more like a feeling than a poem or even a thought.
Yet, reading this exhausted me. I presume this is because the subject seemed exhausted. And if this is an accurate assumption, as I believe it to be, than I am not sure how you carried that out so well or if it were even intentional.
In that, it reminded me of Stephen Crane. Not so much in material or style but the way that he always had the uncanny ability to make the reader feel the way the story itself was meant to be felt in truth. Even if the feeling was neither pleasurable or even positive.
Thank you. I truly enjoyed this.

The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. -Anaïs Nin

[hillwalker]

@Delta - I can see how your suggestions might improve the sense of the first stanza in a different context. But the intention here was to have the razor's edge as a direct bridge between the partner's lips and a 'mouthful of invective'.
As for 'phases of the moon' - this alludes to the lunar cycles of frustrations that sometimes arise between sexual partners (the title also gives a clue). The man looking for sensitive ways to cope with her moods but coming across as insensitive by even trying. The 3 paradoxes (one in each of the first 3 verses).

@Prince - not my usual style, true. But dispirited? Well I was hoping more for resigned; frustrated yet accepting.

@Mani - not so much a case of putting a difficult relationship behind one but embracing the fact that no woman is perfect all the time (unlike us men of course) :-)

@SaraD - thanks for your insightful reading. It was indeed a contemplation more than anything else. 3 snippets of internalized dialogue - crystallizing the frustrations of someone who lacks the courage to vocalize how useless he feels. An oppressed individual resigned to accepting the fait accompli that love is not always sweetness and light; hence that final stanza.
As for the style - I don't know how one can intentionally aim to create a particular mood in the reader without experiencing the same when writing it. Even then, each reader approaches a piece differently.
I admit it was intended more as an exercise in understatement than anything. A recording of 3 simple statements that may or may not have been spoken by someone failing to cope with a rocky relationship. But embracing its virtues at the same time.

Thanks all of you for your feedback.

H

[Jerrybaldy]

I felt a kinship with you reading this Hill. I would agree with resigned and accepting. Would even add inevitable :) Most of all truthfull in my humble opinion. Or as bar used to say IMHO. I loved the worcester sauce/bloody Mary reference.
cheers
Jerry

[hillwalker]

Thanks Jerry - we both have been there, read the book, seen the movie, bought the t-shirt by the sound of it.

H

[Haunted]

ah, the stuff guys have put up with us gals... Could this be as simple as a passing PMS moment? Hope so....


How inappropriate compassion proves to be
those days and nights
when phases of the moon throw us off balance

[hillwalker]

Guilty as charged, Haunted!

H